I don't even know how to start - anyone?

[bridgetmark]

I don't know if you even remember me Reach, it has been a long time, and Ready, you have never even met me, but I need you advice now. My short story is I suffer from severe post partum depression and severe migraines. Unfortunately, I am allergic to Imitrex and all those medications used to treat migraines, so my physician prescribed Lortab for them. For a long time, I only used it as prescribed, no problems. But then I had my fourth baby, the post partum depression hit hard, and my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and everything was falling apart. I kept using as prescribed until my baby was about one (the oldest was only 6) and my father (my rock in my life) was given less than a year to live. The depression worsened and the migraines came so frequently that I felt I was doing the worst job as a wife and mother as any one ever could. And that's when I finally noticed the effects of the Lortab. Not only did it take the migraines away, but it made me stop crying. It helped me get my housework done and take care of my kids. It helped me to be strong and take my dad to his last radiation appts and tell him and my mom when there was less than a month left.

Needless to say I became addicted, and addicted hard. By November of that year I was up to 30 pills a day to keep things together. And then my husband and my physician found out. They sent me to a 30 day inpatient rehab last Jan/Feb and since then I have been doing, well, not so great. The depression and anxiety have been sky high, but I was afraid to tell anyone, because all they wanted to hear was that I was all better, and that I could take care of everyone again. Finally I broke down again in August and used again, and of course they found out. But this time I was honest and told them how things were really going. I got a good psychiatrist, and a wonderful clinical social worker/therapist who specializes in addiction, grief and depression counseling. So I was finally starting to make some progress, but still very fragile.

This week, on Wed. I was supposed to go on a trip to NY with some girlfriends for a much needed break. Unfortunately, it had my anxiety really going because I'm very afraid of flying, and I have never flown without getting a migraine. I made several attempts to speak with my family physician about anything we might be able to do to address this. I spoke with my therapist about it, who also told me to talk to my physician. But he didn't get back to me. And then here's where the problem comes in. I'm upset, not knowing how to handle it, so I start packing. And in the bottom of one of my drawers I come across a blank signed prescription from my physician. I had found it on his nurses desk over a year ago, and had taken it "just in case." Well, I had totally forgotten about it until now.

Well, you know what happened. The addiction totally took over, I filled in the prescription myself, took it to a pharmacy and filled it and came home. My thinking of course was, this gets me through the flights, and then I'm done, no more worries. Not so. The pharmacist called my physician b/c he didn't think the prescription looked right, of course my doctor said he didn't right it, and the pharmacy called the police.

I am so scared and ashamed and anxious that I can hardly breathe. I've never even had a speeding ticket. I have no idea what is going to happen. I did call an attorney friend who gave me the name of a criminal attorney who is going to call the police for me today and find out what is going to happen, but I am getting physically sick over this. I have considered suicide, but I can't do that to my babies, that wouldn't be fair to them. I just want to wake up from this bad dream. Please, anyone who is out there, I need help.

Bridget

[g8trgrl15]

Bridget,
I know you are totally freaking out over this, but you have to stay marginally calm. You made a big mistake yes, maybe God knew this is what it would take to totally get you off this stuff. It's powerful, isn't it? It's what I was addicted to also from a car accident. If I would've found a blank script, I probably would've done the same thing. It's too tempting not to. I'm praying for you, you have to be strong now for your kids.. don't even think about ending it, you don't want to let some little pink or blue pill take everything away from you. IT'S NOT WORTH IT. You know that.. But you do need to get help. Relapses happen, it's not the end of the world. Hopefully since this is your first offense you will just get some community service or something like that.. be strong though.. your kids need you.. I'm here if you need to talk!

Brandi

[Add1ctionSux]

Wow. That could potentionally be bad (the police). Was the prescription for someone else? I've done the same thing. But I never had a problem. My ex wife came back to florida fora visit and she had her boyfriends lortab script with her. I went and filled it myself (at the time i was addicted to codeine). I never had any problems. But I will be honest, I do know of a woman who got sentenced to 10 years in prison for writing false prescriptions for herself. Althoug you didnt write it, so you should be ok. Probably just send you back for a more extensive drug rehab and detox center. I hope everything works out for you. Pill addiction is hard. Right now my addiction is benzos (valium and xanax) and i still frequently take lortabs. Actually, I owe my boss 75 dollars for some lortabs he fronted me just a few days ago. Im not as addicted to the pain killers, but if I can get them.. I will. But im never on the hunt for them. If someone says they have some, I'll get them. I wouldnt call it an addiction, more like.. a "hobby" lol.

[wheninrome1313]

I am a paralegal and I can tell you what the law is. (in my state anyway) I can't give you legal advice, but I can tell you what I would do in your situation.

First, in my state (Colorado) prescription fraud is a Class 5 felony which CAN carry a 1-3 year term. That depends on all kinds of vairiables so don't freak out yet! But it is a felony. Being that you were in treatment before might actually help your case as they are more likely to make you go to treatment again. If you have never been in trouble before it is likely for you to go to court on a summons and not have to be arrested and be bailed out etc. If I were you, I would contact the police and find out who the detective is. Call them and ask them what the situation is. Tell them you want to clear it up. I WOULD SAY NOTHING and MAKE NO STATEMENTS until I talked to a lawyer. If you can't afford one, get a public defender. But if you can afford it, I would call an attorney now because they can call the detective for you and possibly arrange it so that you don't have to be arrested and can go to court off of a summons as I mentioned earlier. A lawyer is more likely to make that happen for you.

I know it seems like the end of the world for you but it isn't. It could be worse, it could always be worse. This is prob. a blessing in disguise as this may cure your addiction for good before it got worse or to the level some of us are at which believe me, is a lot worse than jail! HANG IN THERE! If you have any questions, come back here. You have my support and I will do what I can to get answers for you.

[reachout]

Hello Bridget

Of course I remember you, Sweetpea. Smiles. You and I share much in common. I was also prescribed pain meds for very legitimate pain, but realize in retrospect that somewhere I had crossed a line and was usingthem to blot out the pain of losing my da and a whole mountain of other life tragedies that fell in a very short period of time.

Yep, you screwed up here, Honey, and it is best that your secrew up caught up with you. One of those hard-to-accept backwards blessings. ( Ready can write pages about these!). There is nothing to do but move forward once again. I somehow think that you made significant progress, but never reached the part of the road where confidence comes into our lives (and this does happen, truly).

Bridget, this whole episode is looming huge in front of you. Of course it would anyone, but can you please try to read a bit of a perspective from someone standing on the poutside looking in? This is NOT the crime of the century. It is not by a long shot. If you were reading this story in a newspaper, how much thought would you give to it? I would probably read it and think, "Do-do... go get some help." And some help is what you do need...still.... and that is okay! You are still fragile, yes, because your life is still being led in fear. We must accept life on life's terms or we live in fear.

A couple of life's terms right now:

First... of course you won't do anything as dumb as hurt yourself... that would just be an escape from what you must deal with, and fear or not, you are going to deal with it. you deal with it for many reasons.. for yourself, your marriage, your family, and very importantly and not to be forgotten, you deal with it because some day you will share with your daughters and they will understand that there is always hope, no matter how big a problem might seem at the time. Get yourself into a day program pronto... not just to try and outwit the law, but because there are still things you need to learn to cope with life. I know this, but because I let fear rule me way too long and until I learned to cope with it... day at a time, I could never breathe or live easily. Now I look forward to everytday and it is possible for you and every single person on this board to reach this place also.

Second, make an appointment to see that doctor. Confess, apologize, ask for forgiveness and help. You have done something wrong that can not be changed, but nee to make the attempt sincerely to put things right with the doctor again. Full disclosure, full honesty of what AND why you did what you did. The WORST that will happen is that the doctor does not accept the apology. We can not control what another does. HOWEVER, the best that can happen is that he does understand and continues to work with you.


Third, ... pray. Pray for strenghth to face what you must. Pray for guidance. Pray that you can accept that this is in no way an unsurrmountable problem. The court is not stupid, Sweetpea... your record (or lack of it) shows clearly that you are not a habitual lawbreaker. I am sure your attorney will tell you the same (and, yes, employ one). In my thinking, you are probably looking at mandated drug classes and probabtion time. Neither should be hard as you are a responsible woman. Getting into a day program of choice now MAY waylay accepting a court ordered program. If not, then do both. Not a biggie. Would only be a double dose of help.

Bridget, you are going to be okay. Truly. The shame and fear is magnifying this whole thing. yes, it is a big deal, but not life threatening, okay? NOT life-threatening. Take care, stay in touch with the board. be thankful, as hard as it may be to do, that you were stopped cold from jumping backl on the drug merry-go-round.

Hugs and all best wishes
reach