Hi Inhguy
Let the mess up go. You did it, it is over and today is today. To keep holding onto the guilt is a sure path into using again. Let it go.
I know you love and appreciate your wife very much. I believe she knows it too, or she wouldn't be walking alongside of you. My husband walked alongside me for a long time. I am sure the whole process of dealing with me got tiresome for him, but love kept him plodding along with me. Love and hope.
The guilt thing. Man, I lived in Guilt Haven Central for the last few years especially. The more I isolated, the worse I felt about what I was doing to my family. I just wasn't there for them the ways I wanted to be. This is where a beg indicator showed itself about my drug abuse. The guilt would so overwhelm me, I would feel so powerless to change what was happening, that I would hide from it by taking a couple of more pills. Not for physical pain, but for relief from anguish. The guilt is not productive, Friend. It is an enemy to us. We can survive withdrawal. It is hard, it is absolutely crummy, but we can survive it. Once that detox is done and the body has finished purging itself of all remnants, we need to push ourselves into actions that do not cause guilt. At first, that action may well mean just concentrating on not using. However, far beyond that, we must begin to concentrate on things that fill our lives with feelings of well-being. Time with the family, time alone in reflection about where we want to be, time finding activities that are healthy and normal. It takes work, Inhguy, but persistence here will pay off big.... we find ourselves restored, revitalized, living our lives with a sense of satisfaction and happiness. This is a truth, Friend. Believe it, practice it and find it for you.
With all hope
reach
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