I gave it to him...or did I?

[kollegeqt]

I am an 18 year old college girl that had her first sexual experience in March of 2002. It is now November, and I have contracted Herpes. I have had 2 sexual partners, and 3 oral sexual people. One of the 3 was my boyfriend, and I am not proud of that. He is aloser and the only one i had unprotected sex with. I met this other wonderful guy, T. He is beautiful and I have only been with him sexually one night. I've known him since February and i had sex with him in September. We have talked about everything he is 20 and he lost his virginity at 12. Every girl that he has had sex with heloved and its only been 3 others besides me. The last time he was with someone before me was like 2years ago. So i got real sick with mono and thats when I had my first outbreak. It was a shock but i knew i had to deal with it..it could have been worst. Well i believe that i only could have gotten it from my ex after T, you know when you fall back and go back to the ex for one night. Well i told T and he went and got a test, HE HAS IT!!! the same type I do. My ex SAID, and i stress said, that he took a test but his test only took 6 hrs to come back when mine, T's and everyone else i know takes 5days. Anyway, me and T used a condom and he doesn't hate me at all, which is amazing, but did I really give it to him?....Or could he have gotten it a long time ago andgiven it to me...? HELP ME

[TheOneInFour]

Hi Kollegeqt,

I'm a little confused about what happened when. This is what I think you've said. You first had intercourse in March of this year and including that time, you've had 2 partners for intercourse: T and your ex. You had sex with your ex in September and had your first OB in November.

I'm wondering: Were you diagnosed from a swab culture? And was T. diagnosed from a blood test? A swab culture (they scrape the sore with a Q-tip type of thing) is about as accurate as it gets if it comes back positive. Blood tests are almost always accurate if they come back positive, although there are different tests available with varying degrees of accuracy.

Both blood tests and culture tests can come back with false negative results though, so just because someone tests negative doesn't mean they necessarily don't have herpes. A blood test should be taken 12-16 weeks after initial infection, otherwise it may not be able to pick up on the antibodies before they've built up in the person's bloodstream.

So if your ex was infected within 12 weeks before the test, he wouldn't necessarily show up as positive. He should get another test done in a few months, and to be sure it's a type-specific test. He probably got the POCkit test done, which gives very fast results, but is also somewhat less accurate than some others.

If T. tested positive from a blood test, then he was likely infected longer than 3-4 months ago. It is possible for someone to go for years without outbreaks or other symptoms, although he might get other symptoms he just never thought of as being herpes, like itching, tingling or burning in a specific area, flu-like symptoms, swollen lymph glands, etc.

If you were diagnosed from a blood test, then you might have had it before September too, in which case your ex especially needs to get checked out again after a couple of months (after that 12-16 week period).

I don't know if that helps or not. Herpes can be really confusing, especially because different people tend to get different symptoms from it. You'll need to do some reading about it, so you'll know how to protect a partner from getting it, or from spreading it to other areas of your body or your partner's. There are a lot of websites with varying degrees of accuracy and up-to-date information. Herpes.org (listed in this board's Resource Links) is a good one to start with.

Good luck! Feel free to ask more questions if you need to. Most of us aren't health professionals (including me) but we can share our infomation and experience and support.

TheOneInFour

[kollegeqt]

Thank you so much 1in4 you got it right. I had a swab culture and T had a blood test. So did my ex. I think I might have gotten it from T and not known it. This is a very hard disease because you can't diagnose exactly when and where you got it from. I have type 1 genitally and so does T, but a guy went orally on me like in april, it wasn't my ex or T so i think I might have gotten it from him. I forgave my ex because I htought it was him, but this whole thing could have been my carelessness and I could have given it tohim... Thank you guys soo much for this info....

[TheOneInFour]

The problem with blood tests is that they'll tell you IF you have a particular type (if the test is type-specific) but they won't tell you WHERE. If T. tested positive for HSV-1 in a blood test but not a swab, then he could simply have it orally (typically manifesting as cold sores). He may not have it genitally, unless he knows he's had OBs there. Therefore, if he's not sure where he's had OBs, you might still want to be careful about not transmitting it to him in the genital area, in case he doesn't have it there.

Probably the most common cause of getting HSV-1 as genital herpes is by receiving oral sex, since HSV-1 is most commonly found around the mouth. If T. tested positive, then he's probably had it for more than 3/4 months...but then up to 80% of the population has HSV-1, caught in childhood from relatives and friends, so he could have had it for years. It would take some detective work to even hazard a guess whether he gave it to you, you gave it to him, or he had it independently.

You're right that it's very tricky and complicated tracing responsibility and causality for getting/giving herpes. You may not be able to deduce who gave what to whom and when, but the important thing is that everyone you've had sexual/genital contact with be told they might have been exposed to it (or might have it and have given it to you), so that they can watch out for symptoms and get a blood test too.

And to take precautions about talking to your partners in the future before sexual contact, so they can decide if they are okay with taking the risk of catching it from genital-genital contact. Since most people already have oral herpes, you probably won't have to worry as much about receiving oral sex, but you'll still want to be cautious about intercourse.

One day at a time.

1in4