Starting a new life...need help

tatertot3 · 05-21-2008, 11:45 AM

Hey, I'm new here but I'm also going through the first stages of recovery. Here's my story: I'm 26 and for the past 10 yrs I abused pain meds. The last 4 yrs it has gotten out of control. The past year has been rediculous. I have stolen meds from friends and family even got caught breaking into houses where I knew good meds were kept. I have admitted my problem to all my friends and family. Spent mother's day in Detox at a hospital and am now trying to attend NA meetings. I feel like the worst of the physical part is over, now it's learning to deal with everyday life and 3 little kids in a whole new way that's really giving me probs. I journal every chance I get and that's seemed to help. I also call other recovered addicts that I know when I'm having a 'moment'. My husband has been behind me every step of the way. I never knew what I had till all this came to the surface. I didn't ask for help due to the criminal charges (which by the way were dropped), but because I've wanted help for over a year now but was too proud to admit that I had a prob. Getting caught was the perfect opportunity to just come clean. I have been given 50mgs of Trazodone at night for sleep and depression. I've been on it since the 9th, and am still having nightmares of using and of other things that are weighing on my mind. I'm exhausted due to the stress and lack of sleep. Summer vacation is right around the corner for two of my 3 little ones and I don't know how I'm going to cope with them being home constantly. They are 4 and are twins and DO NOT GET ALONG most of the time. Anyone else out there with kids and going through this? Any encouragement or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Yossarian22 · 05-21-2008, 07:18 PM

hi T

I only have 1 kid - a 3yr old boy. I went through withdrawals & had about a month with hardly any sleep - during this time i was his primary carer. I know it must be 4 times as difficult being in your situation. But im sure when you look at those kids you'll somehow find the inner strength to pull through. You're doing the best thing by going to NA and calling recovered addicts for help. You must keep focussed on the things that matter to you now - concentrate on the life you want for yourself and your family (you know that the 'old' way isnt gonna give you anything more than pain and suffering). You must learn to be strong & recognise things that might trigger your 'need' & work around them. Become the person you were/always wanted to be. It is possible and is totally within your grasp. 11 days is a hell of a good start. Search the board for help/tips on what to do to combat the aching legs & sleeplessness. Also keep posting - there are a great number of people on here who've been where you are & can offer you the help/support you might need.

most of all - take care of yourself.

yoss

keep on keepin on

tatertot3 · 05-21-2008, 09:26 PM

Thank you for your advice...I was starting to wonder if my message had even appeared on the board. I kinda figured I'd have more of a response by now. But, I'll take anything I can get my eyes on. I'm trying so hard to focus on my kids, but I'm ashamed to say it, but they're kinda what sets me off! The bickering 4 yr olds and a screaming 4 month old is enough to drive anyone nutso! I was so much nicer to my kids when I was high. I also got a lot more done. In fact, I was game for anything anytime. Spontaneous was my middle name. I used to drive my husband nuts by re-arranging the living room or bedroom furniture, by myself of course. Or painting an entire room before he got home from work. The house was always clean, dinner on the table when he arrived, laundry was always caught up. It's kinda weird. You would have thought I was on speed. I guess that's just how pain meds are with me. Anyway, now I can't get anything done. I just ref fights and change diapers. That's how it feels right now anyway. I hope things get better. I think if I could rid myself of the relapse nightmares and get some quality sleep I might be a better off.

Yossarian22 · 05-22-2008, 04:28 AM

its no shame to say that they set you off - everyone knows how much of a handful kids can be. Also - dont worry - your post isnt invisible, someone will post some advice that will probably be a lot more helpful than mine. All ican say is -you've come a long way - & you have SOOO much more to keep going for. Lots of things will 'trigger' cravings at the moment - just deal with them anyway you can - eventually the cravings will get weaker & weaker. Life will get better. just hang in there with the NA meetings etc.

take care

yoss

keep on keepin on

tatertot3 · 05-22-2008, 08:31 AM

Thank you yoss.... it took a lot of prayer yeterday to make it through the day, but I got a lot accomplished and felt good. I also got a decent night's rest. I don't remember one bad dream. maybe the Trazadone is finally kicking in. I've started my day off with a few ciggaretts and a strong cup of coffee, and a nice long prayer all before the house woke up. The kids will be going to school this morning so that I can re-gain a little bit of sanity. Well, nevermind on that, the older of the twins just came in and is still burning up with fever. She was fine yesterday and last night. Guess that's just my luck. Oh well. Today is day 12, and I know I'm gonna make it. Tonight is actually my first NA meeting. I went to the place Tuesday night, but it was the wrong night. Hopefully I can make it through the day without freaking out. Monday night I had a nightmare that everyone in the group ripped me a new one cause I was on drugs and had 3 small children and that instilled a fear in me that I couldn't get over Tuesday. I know that was all just my own guilty feelings surfacing. I know people with kids screw up too. Thanks again yoss, I need to talk to someone now and then.