Hi Spec
I know it is a tough road, Friend, but there is no reason to feel hopeless here at all. It is fear standing in the way and I know that feeling so well.
Detoxing is not like taking a plunge into the cold water where we brace ourselves and just jump. Unlike jumping into cold water and it is over, when we try to just jump off the narcotics, there is so much aftermath... which is why we need so much aftercare and support to make it through detox and then move forward into recovery.
Three days on sub, then 3 days on pills... running in circes there, huh? Gentle smiles. I am glad that you have come to understand that it is not a workable solution. A new plan of action needs to be developed.
I would suggest first that you line up some live, 3D support. NA is a free organization and can be wonderful support. There are meetings all over, but if by some chance one is not close enough, AA will certainly be of help. There is none of us who can undertake this huge task solo. Counseling can be had on a sliding scale pay system through your city's Social Service Center. Check it out in the front of a local phone book. Start lining up the support ducks in a row.
I can not support getting drugs off the street. Not only is it illegal and you jeopordize your National Guard career, it is so dangerous taking a chance on what the heck is in the pills bought. Do you have a regular doctor? Perhaps it is time to see one, spiull the guts and ask for professional help. I know not all doctors can prescibe Sub, but I do not believe it will be any harder coming off Vicoden than sub if you are truly willing to get clean. Jumping by tapering from three 8 mg tabs of sub does not really seem like a well thought out plan if you are also going to have to work..... a slower, more even keeled taper is less stressful on the body and brain.
Clonodine will certainly help. Many here have used it for withdrawal.
Spec, I think most important is that you take a step back and try to develop a workable plan. I know how emotional the whole situation is, truly I do, but we have to force ourselves into a calm and accepting tate when we deal with this. We need to fight back against the fear with practical, rational reasoning. As I worked my way through my own taperings (from Oxycodone and then Xanax), I discovered so many tolls from doctors, counselors and friends here on the board that helped me through the hard times.
Take a deep breath, then start working on a plan for you. Write it down. Share it with the Board and let's see what happens. Okay? You are going to be okay, Spec. This is something that can be done and will result in a renewed sense of peace and hope in your life.
With hope always
reach
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