About to start taper process & terrified!

[iWillDoThis]

Hey everyone! Just found these message boards tonight <removed>. I started reading and couldn't stop for hours. I was so inspired that I had to come on and thank everyone for their wonderful words of wisdom and advice. Advice that I feel may be the only thing that gets me through this horrible, awful, scary process. I'd like to introduce myself to the group. I'll try and give the short version of my story. To start off I am 24 years of age. I was injured at the age of 21 in August of 2005 at work. Messed up my neck and back pretty bad. My neck healed after about six months. My back was a whole other story. It just kept getting worse and worse and worse. I was able to work until December, 2005 when I was forced to move back in with my parents (that live in a different state) to get by. I hate it here. It's like a completely different world. I miss my home. I miss it so much it physically hurts most of the time. I miss my friends, my job, my other family members and just life in that state. I had a pretty good life there. I had an independent life there. I don't have a life here. I hardly have any friends and I don't get along with my family members that live here AT ALL. We are always fighting about something. After 2 years of fighting the system I finally was able to get my back surgery. It has helped a little, but 16 weeks into my recovery I haven't felt too much relief...which scares me more than anyone will EVER know. My average pain level has only gone down 1 point, making it at it's very best a 5 out of 10. I am doing physical therapy twice a day. I am getting a little stronger but nothing too amazing yet. And now the scariest part of my story. I will be starting the tapering off of my meds process in two weeks. I am TERRIFIED. It's all I can think about sometimes. I am absolutely more scared of this than I think I ever will be of anything else for the rest of my life. Giving birth to my future children will be a breeze compared to what I am about to face, as you all know a little too well. I'm really scared of the unknown part of it. I HATE not knowing every little detail of what is going to happen to me and not knowing how long it's going to take and not knowing that on this day this symptom will stop and a few days later this symptom will stop and a few WEEKS later these symptoms will stop. I'm used to being in control of my life and I hate that I will not be in control of what is happening to my body. I hate it. And the worst part is that whenever I try and talk to my doctor about it and ask him about the process he won't talk to me about it. He actually gets mad at me sometimes because he feels I shouldn't be worrying about this until I have to and his approach to help me to stop worrying about it is to yell at me and not answer ANY of my questions. So ALL I know about the w/d process is what I've seen "people" go through in movies or in reality shows on TV. I mean I have had w/d symptoms before from my meds but the actual process of getting off meds and the detox process and all of that I don't have a clue! I do know that my doctor thinks it is going to take 2-3 months to get off completely. Thank goodness I've found all of you wonderful people. Reading all of the messages people have written and the replies have helped A LOT. Knowing there is a community out there that can help with problems, concerns and questions is a HUGE comfort. Because at this moment I don't have much of a support system AT ALL. I mean I have my parents around, but they aren't much help. I have friends that are wonderful friends but they all live in a different state. So other than my parents being around to help with things around the house like grocery shopping and cleaning, I don't actually have a real support system. How about I put it this way, I don't have an EMOTIONAL support system. I have my doctor who is of no help when it comes to this but I do have a therapist that I see once a week, a person that I love and adore. She is willing to help any way she can. I'm glad I've found you all and found this wonderful community that can be there to help me through this ugly process. I see how supportive you are to each other and it just amazes me. Thank you for being there and sharing your stories with me and others like me. It's given me the strength to know that while yes, it's going to be hard....I can do this. I WILL do this. It's going to be a long, long, hard process but I will make it through. Good luck to you all and if I can do anything for anyone just let me know. Good Night!

P.S. I wanted to say an extra thank you to "jam338" for writing the Sample Home Detox Plan. The tips in it have really helped me to not be so worried about the whole process. I'm sure I'll being using some if not all of them. Thanks!

[emsmom]

Hello M,

Nice to meet you First of all, thank you for your reply to my post.

You will get so much info from this board - answers to all your questions, support along the way, encouragement from so many wise folks on here - so just ask the questions you need answers to and know you've come to the right place!

Yes, Toronto is lovely eh? One of my favorite things to do here is walk around downtown (for hours) and shop! LOL.

Tapering and detox can be so rough on a person, however your doctor did tell you it would take 2-3 months to taper so TAKE YOUR TIME as much as possible. The longer your taper, the better. I don't have the option to slow things down, as I'm entering Rehab on July 14th. So if you're going to take any advice from me, please go as slowly as possible, follow your taper and stick to it no matter what!

Reachout tapered over the course of a year, and she learned so much about herself (body and soul) so I'd suggest waiting for her to reply to you. She has such a wonderful, delicate way of explaining things - it feels as if she's sitting right beside you, sharing a pot of tea

So again, nice to meet you - I look forward to reading about your journey.

Love and hugs,
emsmom

[iWillDoThis]

Hey emsmom,

Thanks so much for welcoming me to the board.

As far as tapering slowly... my mindset about it always was that I wanted to do it as fast as possible so that it will be done faster. If I wasn't on such a high dose I'd just do it cold turkey. The thought of taking a year to get off my meds isn't even an option for me. I'd lose my mind! I'm just not that tough. The thought of going through w/d for 2-3 mouths is freaking me out...BAD. I can't imagine going through it for a year. I would really like to do it the way you were..every 3 days go down by 1/2. That is one option my doctor and I have talked about. Unfortunately he wouldn't really explain the whole process to me, but he did mention that would be one way to go. Not sure if that's how he still wants to proceed though. I understand that most of the people on the board say to do is slowly, but I don't quite understand why. Why is prolonging the w/d a good thing??? Why not just do it quickly so that you don't have to experience the w/d as long?? Maybe you or someone else could explain it to me because I just don't understand it.

As far as Toronto goes...you are NOT the first person to say that is their favorite thing to do. My ex-fiance who lives there (well woodbridge) would take the subway into Toronto EVERY day and just walk around for at least 3 hours each day just walking and listening to his ipod and thinking. I've done it a few times and it's just so relaxing! One of my favorite parts of the city is how a few buildings have cars either coming out of them or "driving" down them. I think it is so funny!

In regards to Reachout I know EXACTLY what you mean. I'm just hoping she responds to my messages. She really seems to know exactly what to say and exactly how to say it so that you really hear it and understand it. She seems so full of wisdom and I'm hoping she'll be kind enough to take me under her wing and explain things to me as she so kindly has done to others.

I was wondering how you're feeling today?? Oh and I'm not sure about protocol. Should I be asking you how you are on your message thread?? Or is it okay to ask you on this one?? I'm not sure how things are to be done...but either way, how are you?? Are you glad you have your bro's house? Are you feeling up to seeing your kids at all? I hope today is better day for you than yesterday!

Thanks again,
M

[iWillDoThis]

Everyone keeps saying to make sure and get Clonidine. What is a good dosage amount to be on during detox?? I'm at a pretty high dose of morphine and percocet. I just started taking Clonidine in March at .1 mg - should I up it when I start tapering in less than 2 weeks??

Thanks,
M

[emsmom]

Good morning M,

First, yes you respond to my questions on my post, ask me how I'm doing on a thread that I've started. If you're dicsussing something to do with your taper (or new things about you) you do that on this thread. Also keep in mind, if you're going to change topics, its a good idea to start a completely new thread (ex. clonidine)

As for clonidine, I have it every day. I take .1 mg 2-4 times a day depending how bad the w/d's are.

Ok, why would you slow down a taper?.....

You won't feel the w/d's nearly as much as if you tapered every 3 days, down by half. Going slower allows your body to adjust to that level before you come down again. Going every 3 days, you will be in full w/d and it will suck SO bad.

Lets say you're taking 200 mg of Oxycontin a day. You'd start by taking 180 for two weeks, then 160 for two weeks, then 140 for two weeks etc. The body doesn't notice it nearly as much. You will feel very little, if any, w/d.

I understand why you're wanting to do it quick like I am - it makes sense to just "get it over with" however, if I had sufficient time to taper, I'd slow WAY down. This is so rough on me. I've actually slowed mine down to every 6 days cause I was starting to freak out, and I don't want to do that until I'm at Rehab (well I don't want to do it at all lol, but thats my option )

That place in Toronto you're talking about is the BMW dealership on the DVP (Don Valley Parkway - Highway). It has a BMW built into the concrete on one side, and a car driving down the building on the other side I've always thought that was kinda neat.

My older brother lives in Woodbridge Now "thats" a beautiful place. Its 20 mins from my house, is a great place to shop (lol yep, I'm female, that had to come out) and has the best Italian restaurants! Actually, my brother is only two blocks from Canada's Wonderland (we can see it from his backyard).

You asked how I'm feeling today. Well its 4:30am and I'm awake lol. I woke up with those dreaded night sweats. It rips through your skin, hurts actually, cause you're sweating but you're freezing at the same time. Its hard to put on a sweater cause its so hot here (just like 85 degrees in the states) but you can't just wear a t-shirt or tank top cause you have goose-bumps. Trust me M, the slower you can go, the better. You don't have to take up to a year, I was just telling you how Reach did it. Some people take a few weeks, some a few months, some more than a year. Everyone is different, and everyone reacts different, but if you have the option to NOT do it every 3 days (down by half) than I'd definitely take that hand-out

I'm going to go choose a DVD to watch, as I'm sure there's nothing on TV this early in the morning lol.

I hope you have a great day Thanks for your encouragment, friend.

Love emsmom

P.s I do see my kids every day. There's a park across the street, so I venture out when my hubby calls to say they're going out to play. He does it about 6 times a day lol (not normal) cause he knows I miss them terribly. The first night, I brought my older daughter (she's 5) with me to have a jaccuzzi. Her and I read books together, then I walked her home and went back.