How do I talk to my mother about her weight?

corn99 · 02-19-2003, 01:19 PM

My mother is obese and I worry about her health. She has had a few related health problems because of her weight, but because her blood pressure is very low, and she doesn't have any heart problems she doesn't feel she needs to worry about her weight. As a child she was put on an number of diets by her mother and doctors, and so now not dieting is her self-admitted form of controlling the situation. My family and I don't want to antagonize her by suggesting that she diet/exercise, but we are all very worried about her. She's a very intelligent woman with a pretty positive self image, and I know that this will have to be a decision she makes on her own. Should I stay quiet or say something?

kvanrijn · 02-21-2003, 09:32 PM

Hi corn99

Don't say anything.

I answered this under you question in the post "obesity as the cause of everything" you can check out my complete answer there.

If you are really worried about her health then I do have one suggestion. Don't say anything to her about her weight, but do ask her to exercise with you. Tell her you want to tone up, get fit, whatever and tell her you think you would have more success if she would go with you because research shows that people who exercise with a partner tend to stick with their program (this is true).

Don't talk about her weight or her need for exercise, but do make sure to pick something she can do comfortably. If she's had back trouble (as I have) and she is overweight also then my personal recommendation is to do water aerobics. If that isn't possible then I recommend walking. But any low impact exercise will do, just make sure whatever you ask her to do with you is something she can handle without hurting herself. If your mother also suffers from depression then perhaps you might want to check out a book called "The Body Blues." They recommend walking outside for 20 minutes a day, every day.

Anyway, you needn't say anything to your mother about her weight. I am sure she is aware of the health risks associated with obesity. She doesn't need the added stress of friends and family "talking" to her about her weight.

Good luck and God bless

Kim

Stella330 · 02-21-2003, 09:54 PM

Hi,

I understand your worry about your mother's weight, but I agree with the other post, not to nag your mother about it. I am sure she understands the risk of being overweight, and maybe made an internal decision to stop dieting because maybe she would gain back double or triple. I myself have this problem and it can get really frustrating, so what I did was, I stopped "dieting". Now, however, because I am still overweight, and do and always have understood the health risks, I am slowly trying to do a routine. I joined a swim class, provided with my college PE requirement, and it's helping and I am also walking again. I am doing this for myself, and for the fact that I am not dieting, but changing my behaviors.

I know that your mom understands what's happening and what could happen if she decides to not "diet", but it is her decision, and as long as she is not constantly complaining or constantly going in and out of hospitals then let her be. But as sad as this is to say, sometimes it takes a life threating thing for a person to "get it together", I am not one of those people, but I surely can be which is why I am trying to do something before things like my knees, and tiredness, and breathing gets to far out of hand.

Maybe without nagging, just sit down and ask her honestly about constantly dieting and what has been the ups and downs for her. Then maybe you will get some insight as to how she feels about her situation.

Getting her point of view may help you out and to understand that "dieting" is not as easy as it sounds and maybe your mom has found a peace within herself and if so, then good for her. Just love her as a daughter and she as your mom, no matter what.

I know this was winded, but I do hope it helps out.

Stella

corn99 · 02-22-2003, 03:11 PM

Thankyou for your posts. I guess you've both reinforced what I already thought to be true. Recently, I've seen tv programs about the dangers of being overweight and I guess I started to worry alot. I really do think that my mom is at peace with herself--she's a beautiful, intelligent, strong woman. I just want her to be around for a really long time and I guess I'm worried that her weight will eventually take her away from me too soon. I don't live near by, so I can't walk with her, but maybe I'll ask my dad if he could start taking walks together...he could use the exercise too I'm sure. Thanks again for your help!