social anxiety

[laska]

i have social phobia and i wanna tell my parents. i've had it since 5th grade (i'm 16 now)and my parents still have no clue. everytime i even think that i have sp i start crying. it's so hard. i hate the way everyone is so normal. i hate that i've always felt so different and left out. we had a book presentation due today and i've been crying every day for the last week because i'm so scared. yesterday i really freaked out and tried to make myself sick and i took 9 multivitamin pills instead of 1 before i went to bed to see what it would do. i woke up at 4, no alarm, just from anxiety, and went down to take another 9. so nothing happened and i had to lie to my mom that i feel sick. i have to do the book report tomorrow and i just know that i won't be able to do it. i want to tell my mom. yesterday was the first time in years that i wanted to sit with her and hold her hand and tell her everything and cry. i couldn't get myself to tell her. how can i do it?? i really need help.

[TheOneInFour]

Hi Laska,

I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time.

Do you have guidance counsellors in your school that you could talk to? How about a teacher you feel comfortable with? Is there a crisis phone line in your area, especially for kids and young people? (Here in Canada there is Kids Help Phone.)

These might be some places to start. Your doctor could also be someone you might talk to.

But mostly I'm curious why you're so scared to tell your Mom? What are you afraid might happen? Your Mom might surprise you. How about writing her a letter telling her about it and giving it to her to read? Start with what you've written here.

I don't know where you got the term "social phobia" but you sound like you have a pretty sophisticated view of what is bothering you. You can use that ability to find the words to tell your Mom, too...or any other relative you feel comfortable with, if that's just too scary.

Most important, you need to get some professional help for this, if it's that crippling for you. You need to talk to your doctor, a guidance counsellor and/or your Mom...whoever you have to, to get some help for this condition.

DO NOT TAKE AN OVERDOSE OF PILLS FOR THIS! You could really hurt yourself by taking excessive vitamins, even though it seems pretty harmless. Yes, I suppose getting sick from is one way to deal with the situation, but it's not healthy and it WILL create WAY more problems than it solves. You want to help yourself, not make things worse.

Good luck. Let me know how you make out, okay?

TheOneInFour

[laska]

hey, thanks for the reply i really appreciate it. i guess i left out a couple of things that might have confused you. when i started having anxieties, it was full-on, in almost every social situation, like i would even be nervous asking for a pen, i would think about how i would formulate the sentence and what words i would use and exactly how i would say it, repeat it in my mind several times and then finally not be able to do it. it started in about 5th grade and back then i just thought i was shy and i thought it was a 'bad' thing that i had to live with. my parents had no idea about it because i wasn't like that at home and they never really saw me in school. then, about 4 years ago we moved from russia to US and i wanted to get a new start and forget the way i was there. learning the language and being in a different country kind of gave me a boost for some time. for a while, it was okay for me not to say or do much in school because i didn't speak the language. now, i have no idea how but i got a wee wee better during those few months and my anxiety problems weren't as severe. my anxieties now are mostly limited to public speaking. i have some deep distrust for girls so i feel more comfortable hanging out with guys. my parents think i'm more social than i am because usually people are more comfortable with people of their own sex so they think "wow, i guess she's not shy around guys she must be comfortable around people." but as soon as i have to speak up, even read a couple of sentences in front of a class my heart starts racing, i feel sick to my stomach and i freeze up, sometimes i can't even get the words out and everyone would just be staring at me, like, *** is wrong with her, why won't she read. that's the worst.
the reason i have trouble telling my mom is that she won't take this seriously. she will think she knows how i feel and if i tell her i skipped school because of the presentation, she'll get mad and make sure that she will put me out in every socially horrible situation (for me) so that i will supposedly snap out of my problem .me and my mom are very different, she's very outgoing and maybe she'll understand, maybe she won't but i'm afraid to take the chance. oh and i don't get the labels on vitamins. It had a warning in red that if there's an 'accidental overdose' call the poison center immediately. i took 18 times the normal dose and i didn't even get sick. go figure. anyway sorry about rambling on.

laska

[TheOneInFour]

Hey Laska,

Wow, you have really had a rough time with this, but I'm glad you've found a new start on this continent. I can understand why you'd be hesitant to tell your Mom if she has this image of you as being a very high functioning person and you've never shown her this other side of you...although I have to wonder how she missed it all these years. One would think your teachers' descriptions of you would have tripped some bells. But this seems to have begun not long before you left Russia, so maybe the move clouded her perceptions about you.

If you really think your Mom wouldn't understand, then you need to gain the support and understanding of some other adult(s), like a guidance counsellor or doctor or teacher. If your teachers have been aware of this side of you, you might talk to one of them that you feel comfortable with and tell them just how bad it really is and that you need help talking to your Mom about it.

I still say some professional help for this would do you a lot of good. You're obviously very bright and intelligent, so you probably know how to mask it well, but it's obviously having a serious effect on your life, which you need to deal with before it causes more serious problems. If you're overdosing on vitamins trying to avoid the stress, then it's also affecting your judgement too, and you need to get help before this gets worse.

Although I only know what you've told me here, it sounds to me like there was something that happened in or just before Grade 5 that started all this. A counsellor or psychologist can help you find out what that was and help you heal that terror that you get. Your school guidance counsellor and/or your doctor can probably help you find someone for that and might be willing to help explain it to your Mom too.

As for the vitamins, you might not get sick immediately but you might find delayed effects that can affect your health. Please don't do that again, okay?! There are better ways to find a solution to this.

TheOneInFour