Please Help! Having bad thoughts. Want this to stop! Please Help!

[OkieGal]

I really need help but I don't know who to turn to.
I don't go to church even though I know I need to and I want to I just don't get up on sunday mornings.
What does it mean when you have bad thoughts?
Whenever I hear something on television or someone talking about God I start thinking bad thoughts about God. I believe in God with all my heart and soul and I believe that ***** can put impure thoughts in your head and try to overcome you and this is what is happenening to me maybe. Every time I get these thoughts I rebuke ***** in the name of the Lord and tell him to leave my mind and the thoughts go away, but I am left with a feeling of tremendous guilt.
I want these bad thoughts to go away. Does anyone else feel like this or am I a total nutcase?
I am scared of my own thoughts and I think that if I tried to go talk to a therapist or join a church that they will think I am totally nuts.
Does anyone else feel this way? Please help!

[TheOneInFour]

I wonder if you're angry at God because of things that have happened in your life that are distressing, upsetting or traumatic to you? I think most of us have felt that at one time or another.

"Bad thoughts" are usually just normal feelings that scare us, but we try to run away from them instead of turning and facing them, so they intensify and seem to take on a life of their own. Talking about them helps us face and work through them. It's all part of being human, which is cause for compassion and gentleness with ourselves, not beating ourselves up about it.

I would suggest you talk to a minister about what you're feeling, or a therapist who you're comfortable with. I know it feels overwhelming to you and you feel embarrassed, but both are trained to help people understand and deal with feelings and thoughts that are upsetting, frightening or shameful to us. I'm sure that whatever you're struggling with, they've heard worse.

Good luck. Let us know how you make out.

TheOneInFour

[Kathrin]

Hey Okie Gal,

it may make you feel better to know that what you are suffering from is actually a psychological disorder and does NOT mean you are a bad person.

These thoughts are very typical of a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder. You may want to check out the "obsessions and OCD" board. The nasty thing about this disorder is that it tends to grip you exactly where you are most vulnerable... like you are a very religious person (I am too, by the way) and you KNOW you love God... and the MEAN OCD sneaks those thoughts into your mind just to make you feel bad...

But really it is a brain chemistry thing, it is actually an abnormality in the brain, and it can be treated! Meds as well as therapy work.

You are NOT a bad person.

Maybe just knowing that makes you feel better already. One thing I can tell you is that trying to fight the thoughts, or performing long rituals to cleanse you of them or punish yourself... is counterproductive. The more you try to resist OCD thoughts, the more they usually bother you. Knowing that those thoughts do NOT make you a bad person, maybe you will be able to just "watch them like a parade" (a priest actually told me that one) and not let them affect you one way or the other. They are NOT YOU, they are your OCD!!!!

I also recommend the book "Brain Lock" by a guy by the last name of Schwartz, I forget the first name. My therapist and I worked with it, it helped me a lot.


Kathrin