From severe depression to numbness

[timetotransform]

I'm hoping to find people that have had depression or depressive episodes that have changed over the years. I've had three major episodes of depression (crying, can't get out of bed, thoughts of ending it) when I wasn 16, again at 21, and one more at age 23. Now I don't feel hardly anything. I call it zombie-depression. I can hold a job, a pretty stressful one actually, and do what is required to keep it, but outside of work I have no desire to do anything but go home. It's like social anxiety disorder has set in.

Funny thing is, I'm more alone now that I was at the times when I was serverely depressed, but now I don't feel anything really, except stress.

The one thing I do know is that when I had my last severe episode, I vowed never to feel that badly again. It's like my brain said OK, you won't feel this bad anymore, but you won't feel good, either. I'm not on any meds. Has this happened to anybody else? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif

Ellen

[dawnmargaret]

Maybe your brain is using a defense mechanism to protect you. I know mine does LOL. I have no memories of my childhood abuse although there are many records of it. It could be something to that effect.
Good luck,

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~Dawn~

-I am guilty of wanting too much..

[pinkcat]

dear time, i've been through it too. 2 major depressive episodes about 10 years apart, worked at extremely stressful jobs i despised and felt nothing. i am better now. i no longer work at jobs i hate and avoid situations that cause extreme stress. maybe when some time passes and you find something that interests you and/or makes you happy you will start to feel again. it may be the depression causing psychic numbness or your brain's way of protecting you. it will pass just as mine did. best wishes to you and keep us posted. pinkcat

[Administrator]

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[Sope]

I know exactly what you mean, after work I just want to go straight home, I cant wait to get there, also things like shopping etc, I just don't like being out of my house for too long, its like my comfortable place, without sounding cliched, I live alone, so its 100% my space. Numbness is kind of worse sometimes, as you want to feel something, at least if i feel down,i feel real, if that makes sense.
I am 26 now, but have always had problems with depression due to things that went on in my life, and I used to hope that as I got older I would feel better about the world, life etc, but I still feel like I have missed something, as if everyone else got a guide to life manual, or they know some secret I do not. I can't fully explain it. I just really have trouble understanding and getting on with most people, humans in general, I only have a very small circle of friends, but they are very very good friends, known them a long time. I spend more time with my cat than I do with other people.