I feel like a coward . . .

[ryouko16]

Ok, first off, I have had depression for about . . . I guess about five years now and I have been taking anti-depressants (zoloft) for about four years.

Lately, for multiple resons, I have been VERY sad. Im so depressed sometimes that I wish that I would die and I would like to kill myself. But I have never done anything to myself, never cut, never nothing. I feel like a coward for not doing anything though. I mean, I ***** n' stuff because I hate my life at the moment, but I wont do anything about it. I just cry. I hate crying.

I guess I just want to ask for opinions on this. I feel fine right now, but I know that later I wont be. And I know that later I will be too scared to do anything about it.

I have felt this way (like a coward) for a while, and I just had to tell someone and get someone's response. Am I being totally stupid here? I know that its a good thing that I dont hurt myself, but knowing that doesnt change how I feel.

Thanx for anything.

[Wil]

Hi:

I read your post and feel you are halfway to a solution regarding your depression.

You choice of words describing yourself tells me you are only ONE step away from relief.

You mention twice the word Coward. What a cool thing to explore about yourself. Here is my take on being a Coward:
The Coward needs to stand up to being bullied by his own inner fears. The path to empowerment and relief of your depression is to face your fears. Remember the Wizard of Oz? The Cowardly Lion is immobilized by fear, he lacks courage, a function of self esteem and its related to your will and choices in life.

Here is a solution: Identify what you are afraid of and write them down. Include that you are afraid of negative stuff as well as all the positive steps you wish to take. After you write them down, take a deep breath and choose a small positive step - just one positive will make a difference, it seems hard to imagine but it will.

You are so close simply by the fact you are able to label what is causing your depression. This is such a key, whether it be symbolic or the actual cause. Look at this and feel good about yourself for looking at your depression and not giving up.

Remember to say to yourself the following, "just like me, others have suffered and struggled to rise above the pain that causes me to feel trapped" Take off the judgement and pat yourself on the back for posting your message and know that your words have been read by many.
Ultimately, the Cowardly Lion faced his fear and so will you. I wish you well,

Wil

[ShadowDragon]

Excellent response Wil, that is great advice and encouragement.

I agree. Do not be a slave to your fears.
And like Wil said, think of how many people will read this, half because they wish to help you and half because they feel the same; these people believe a change is possible, believe in you. One can only be as cowardly as he lets himself be. You can change that, but you REALLY have to want that change.
I know sometimes it's hard to understand why you are faced with certain things in life, and you want to give up because you don't see a point to it all. But that's just it, life is surviving. Because in living through things, you learn from it whether or not you realize it right away. Be brave. Live, learn.



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"All beings have the capacity to cure themselves" - from K-PAX

[Wil]

Thanks Shadow:

This board is really helpful - never knew so many people suffered - great to connect in a positive way.

Wil

[Grumpy]

You say you feel like a coward, It sounds to me like your showing common sense, It dosen't take a brave person to cut themself or worse. You say you have been on Zoloft for five years, maybe its time to switch to something else.[Hope this helps]

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Grumpy