Rage in my 9 year old son!

[mommyof5]

My son has ADHD and CAPD (central auditory processing disorder). He also seems to have a lot of rage. He takes 10mg ritalin 3 x a day, which definitly helps him at school. He's now a scolar since he started meds 1 year ago. It's this rage thing I can't seem to understand or get under control! When he gets mad he sometimes hits his sisters, he throws things, bangs walls, stomps around, punches the couch, takes swings at me (from a distance!), breaks toys, rips the covers and sheets off his bed, etc.

Does anyone know what I can do about this? He was the same way before the meds and I thought the meds would help him control himself but they haven't done anything for this part of him! I don't know what to do about it!

Could he have another thing wrong with him? I know there are all kinds of things out there, ex: OCD, bipolar, ODD, etc but does he fit any of this or are there more things I don't know about?

He NEVER acts this way at school, at scouts, at swimming, at grandma's, at friends' houses,etc.

I'm at my wits end with him, please help!

mommyof5

[Shattered_Eros]

Hello,
Now I'm no doctor or anything but I have known people in the past who have been on ritalin and with some of then it made then very agressive. So maybe you should talk to your family doctor about different med options, it could help.
What do you do when he becomes agressive? Do you yell or punish him? Cause I think that there may be a more effective way to reach him than that. Try possitive rewards for not being agressive as well as negative ones when he is.

[**starry**]

Hi there, I have a very similar problem with my 10 year old son. Pretty much as you have described but I/ the family get alot of verbal abuse also. It's difficult to know what to do when this happens as he does not respond to anything at all. I have been to psychiatrists/ homeopaths and tried several things myself but nothing seems to work. The psychiatrist played the whole situation down and tossed a few peripheral labels around probably to make me feel better. I'm so glad that he wasn't "diagnosed" with anything as I have since seen what happens to people when they get stuck in the mental health system. The fact that your son only behaves like this at home suggests to me that rather there being any condition as such, it's more likely that he feels able to vent his feelings in this safe environment. Although his academic work might be coming on he may have faced alot of difficulties with other kids and teachers beacause of the ADHA. Just because it's now under control dosn't mean that everyone else has realised this. So he may be able to control himself more now at school, but the feelings have to go somewhere. It's hard to say what you can do, I'm trying to find my son some anger management for kids workshop but so far have found nothing. Maybe you could try and make some kind of agreement with him, he can punch the pillow as much as he likes when he feels that way out, but not his sister, that kind of thing. I'm a bit dubious of the reward/ behaviour modification thing as kids, particularly when they are bright soon learn when to do what they have to do to get what they want, and know when they can behave badly because there is nothing in it for them (cynical I know but I'm a mother of 4 and have learned all of thier little tricks). The thing is to keep trying untill you find something that works for you and your family, sometimes this can take a long time.

Starry

[mommyof5]

I have some good news - I think? The ped gave me a referral for my son to see a pychologist(sp). I do know what you mean about home being a safe place to vent. My son also has anxiety issues (inherited I'm sure, both my mother and I suffer anxiety disorder and panic attacks) to deal with ( he had a global assesment done a year ago and they felt at that time he should seek counceling(sp). He also told me to raise his ritalin dose to 20 mg and see if that helps him to be able to control himself better.

I know he is a good kid and if I told outsiders (school, boy scouts,etc.) how he acts at home they would probably be stunned. Nobody has a problem with him outside the house. Even at my mothers house he behaves and that's a safe place too. He and his older sister sleep ther every Saturday night. My mother is very involved in my childrens lives and very well bonded to them - I'm surprised he doesn't "vent" there at all! She would be willing to listen to him and not blow off a problem.

Maybe it is just his own stresses and anxieties and he waits until he's home to vent. One thing I CAN say is something HAS to trigger him, it might be the most miniscule thing but it's got to be something - he doesn't ever do it just because.

I'll tell you one thing that scares me is that his bio-dad seemed to be the same way. He would have temper tantrums. One time he ripped a door off it's hinges, threw it down the stairs and stomped on it (he was about 37). Another time he was mad and lifted the coffee table up and it hit the ceiling and almost landed on me and my 2 month old dd (he was about 41). He would verbally abuse me, call me names, accuse me of cheating on him, say I was too fat (I weighed 115lbs at the time and I'm 5'2"). Other strange things he would say during his tantrums would be like he couldn't stand it anymore (the arguing - which was mostly his doing!) and that one day he would end it all and take me and the kids with him (implying murder/suicide). I don't feel that he felt any remorse to what he did or said. Sometimes but not often he would hit me. And my eldest still says he molested her. Their dad left when dd was almost 6 and ds had just turned 3. The other two dd's were 17 months and 3 months. We have no contact with him and don't know where he is. He just up and left - abanded us! In fact the two younger dd's (now 6 + 7) don't even know he exsists, they think the man who is their stepdad is actually their real dad. He's been raising the kids with me since they were 6 3/4 (dd#1), 3 3/4(ds), 2 (dd#2) and 1 (dd#3)and treats them no differently than if they were his own.

Sometimes I wonder what kind of mental problems my ex had/has and whether or not my ds has inherited some of it (god I hope not!)

That's it for now - I have 5 kids to go wake up, 4 off to school and 1 to daycare! Morning rush hour is about to begin! LOL mommyof5

[**starry**]

whew! I can see what you have to deal with, and I sypathise (4 kids 3 x school, 1 x childminder). Are we related my son also has a stepfather and a bio father who had temper tantrums, rages and storming off for days. Is it the same guy?????? Anyway, you say he "abandoned" you, do you not mean he gave you and your kids the chance to live a normal life. As for aggression being hereditary, who knows? But maybe looking for a diagnosis is not the answer. A diagnosis is a label, labels stick and there is no doubt that anyone with a label is treated differently. I know your concerns, I've been there. But I do have to say that once we had decided no more "experts" my son's episode have lessened. We were looking at his behaviour as the main problem in any context, he was becoming (unwittingly) to be the family scapegoat. He didn't feel normal and thus didn't act it. Still dosn't to a point. Just think is all I'm saying, what can you do to alter things, before the so called experts are brought in.
I do sympathise though

Starry