Is this bad behavior of a wife, PLEASE HELP

Needhelpnow · 10-26-2003, 03:56 PM

I will try to be brief. I do love my wife and want to spend my life with her. She and my daughter have formed a wonderful bond as well.She is from S.America and her VISA is recently cleared and soon she will be moving here. We are married.

Ok, My wife thinks that this is "Totally NORMAL Behavior of a Married woman", what do you think. PLEASE TELL ME IF THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK IS NORMAL behavior of a MARRIED WOMAN and if you would like YOUR SPOUCE doing this ??

My wife planned to attent ( and did ) a convention for which I decided to give a surprise visit and stay with her for most of the convention. She had given her absolute WORD to me that she would NOT accept or go out with any men on dinners/date. She asked me to trust her and that she would honor our marriage and would NEVER do something like this again.

Well, when I arrived to the convention it was a wonderful surprise. We had a great time. A "traveling salesman from another country then her's " began to talk to both of us. He appeared to know her VERY VERY well. After he seemed surprised to find out I was her husband ( my wife will often refer to me as a boyfriend, which she did in an email to him ), he begins to speak in spanish to my wife so I couldnt understand them. He and my wife both speak VERY PERFECT english. ( knowing I wouldnt understand ). She walks him over to a little table with only 2 chairs and has him sit with her. I am all but forgotten at this point. But, I dont complain and show Im trusting her. They spend 2 DAYS, laughing, talking in Spanish ONLY, smiling ( Never having ANY notes, paperwork, contracts,pictures, documents any kind of "business stuff" you would normally expect in a normal business meeting ) but she claims it was ALL pure "business".

As I get ready to leave for home one day before she is going home, she accidently talks about a dinner she is going on. Well, as it turns out, this guys was flirting with her, saying things against OUR marriage ( like telling her she will not like moving to the usa, even though he is mexican but living in the usa, saying other negative comments about her future with me ) Trying to be her "Latin" peer.

Also come to find out that he ASKS HER TO HAVE DINNER WITH HER , RIGHT after my flight back home ( an HOUR after Im gone ). Now WE were there for 4 days, and he says he wants a dinner with her AFTER HER HUSBAND IS GONE.If he is just being a friend, why doesnt he ever invite ALL of us ( Me her brother as well. He ALWAYS ONLY gives the invite to MY wife personally ) Also come to find out he has been emailing her before the show, asking HER to go to dinner with him, if she is "willing to risk jeapordy" by seeing him and a dinner date when they are to meet at the convention ( He , not knowing yet that I will be there )

Then my WIFE tells him to COME TO HER HOTEL and gives HER HOTEL ADDRESS as a meeting location to this traveling salesman ( that she claims she hardly ever see's and the last time she claims was over 3 years ago. This is simply some guy she says sells stuff from his employer to my wifes company ). This HOTEL meeting was planned for AN hour AFTER I was to leave to go home, where my wife would meet me the next day. I will also add, that my wife added an EXTRA day to this convention, AFTER she told me earlier she would have come to me a day sooner.

Now, AFTER TWO days and MANY hours of talking, smiling, flirting, and saying negative comments about my wifes future with me and asking SEVERAL times for a secret dinner date. My wife tries to say that this is a "vital business" dinner. It should be also noted that I have been on these "Business dinners. They included NO BUSINESS talk at all. We went to Hard Rock Cafe, Resturants, looked into hooters, walking along the waterfront, shops etc.....

Then she claims that she decided not to see him because it upset me. She said she went out instead with her two "REAL" friends ( One single guy and one married woman which are real friends to her ). These are two of her friends that were at another booth. Nice people, always spoke english around us, respectful of our marriage. My wife even told them we were married, and they were very positive about us being a couple. My wife said they all left before this guy was to come to her Hotel ( For the dinner date this guy planned for the two of them ) . And my wife claims after this guy was working her for TWO days that he never even tried to contact or call her to ask what happened, claims he never asked anything or went to her room, even thought she tries to tell me its VITAL BUSINESS.

Is this the actions of a "married wife, talking in a foreign language in front of a spouce, permit some guy to flirt and down play my wifes marriage, having men meet her at her hotel for secret dinner dates. Have other men get her to meet at a hotel and later to a secret dinner ? Permitting ANY guy to invade OUR family life and try to say things in order to get a date with my wife ?

[This message has been edited by Needhelpnow (edited 10-27-2003).]

dsheldon3 · 10-26-2003, 04:45 PM

I think you should trust her until proven otherwise.Just because she made a date with him an hour after you left doesn't mean anything.Surely you wouldn't expect her to make any date while your still there.There could be a safety zone that he feels with her because she is married and he can go out with her just as friends without any expectations.She on the other hand feels compelled to go on these casual friendship dates because she has to work with these guys and is trying to keep things friendly.I think you should try to trust her and not herass her, unless you have REAL proof that she is messing around.

Greenberry · 10-26-2003, 04:53 PM

I don't think that making dates with other men is appropriate for a married woman. I think most married men wouldn't put up with it. But if you want to stick around, maybe you should learn Spanish ASAP and see if you can figure out what's going on, like you don't already know!!!

Needhelpnow · 10-26-2003, 05:03 PM

So, dsheldon3
You would not mind if YOUR spouce went on secret dates an HOUR after your gone ?? A date made, WHEN YOUR HUSBAND is GONE. The fact that he was speaking perfect english to us, TILL he found out she was married to me. And the fact that he is asking about HER marriage, Telling her that she shouldnt move to the USA, saying that she wont like moving, that she will not like the USA, and MORE. That the dinner invite was to start by MEETING at HER HOTEL, and to WAIT till the husband is gone !!!! Your saying that you would approve of this if it was your spouce ???
If he is just a friend why wouldnt he ask to go out and to meet his friends new husband ?? Why do you think he wanted to take HER out WITH OUT the husband around ?? Why would ANYONES spouce tell some salesman to meet her at HER HOTEL ( when they have had 2 days to talk at the convention about a simple wire that probably takes 10 minutes at most to talk about ) AS SOON AS THE HUSBAND IS GONE ??? Would you permit your spouce to go out on dinner dates with anyone that asks and call it a "business dinner" ??? Would you be happy thatif some salesman talks BADLY about your MARRIAGE, then ASKS for a dinner date in Spanish ( He is Mexican but lives in the USA ) , so you dont know whats going on ?? Did I mention we are MARRIED. If you are married, would you want YOUR spouce meeting people at Hotels for dates ?? There is NOOOOO NOOOO business done on these business dinner dates. Ive been on several. So, you say that MARRIED people should be permitted to date anyone as long as its a secret to the spouce ??

[This message has been edited by Needhelpnow (edited 10-26-2003).]

[This message has been edited by Needhelpnow (edited 10-26-2003).]

[This message has been edited by Needhelpnow (edited 10-26-2003).]

dsheldon3 · 10-26-2003, 05:27 PM

I will answer in all caps.

Quote:

Originally posted by Needhelpnow:
So, dsheldon3
You would not mind if YOUR spouce went on secret dates an HOUR after your gone ?? THEY AREN'T SECRET IF THEY ARE GOING TO PUBLIC PLACES AND NOT SHOWNING PUBLIC AFFECTION.A date made, WHEN YOUR HUSBAND is GONE.YES, IF I WOULD MIND IF IT WERE MY HUSBAND.BUT AS A FEMALE IN THE WORKPLACE, YOU HAVE TO FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND THE PEOPLE YOU WORK WITH.I'M NOT SAYING SAYING WHAT SHE DID WAS RIGHT BUT THAT YOU SHOULD TRY TO UNDERSTAND HER PERDICAMENT. The fact that he was speaking perfect english to us, TILL he found out she was married to me. And the fact that he is asking about HER marriage, Telling her that she shouldnt move to the USA, saying that she wont like moving, that she will not like the USA, and MORE.THAT COULD BE NOTHING BUT CONVERSATION. That the dinner invite was to start with a METTING at HER HOTEL, and to WAIT till the husband is gone. AGAIN, THAT MEANS NOTHING,ITS NOT LIKE SHE INVITED HIM UP TO HER ROOM .IT MIGHT HAVE JUST BEEN MORE CONVENIENT TO MEET THERE.Your saying that you would approve of this if it was your spouce ??? NO I WOULDN'T APPROVE UNLESS I KNEW WHAT THE SITUATION WAS ,IF IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS IN A STRANGE TOWN AND DID NOT WANT TO GO TO A CERTAIN MEETING ALONE I COULD UNDERSTAND THAT, A MAN DOES NOT NEED TO TAKE A WOMEN OUT ON A DATE TO STAY BUSINESS PARTNERS.
If he is just a friend why wouldnt he ask to go out and to meet his friends new husband ??BECAUSE HE DOESN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE,DOESN'T MEAN HE IS GOING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER. Why do you think he wanted to tak HER out with OUT the husband ??BECAUSE EITHER HE DID NOT WANT BE ALONE AND OFCOURSE HE COULD BE INTERESTED HER.BUT JUST BECAUSE HE IS INTERESTED IN HER DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD NOT TRUST YOUR WIFE. Why would ANYONES spouce tell some salesman to meet her at HER HOTEL AS SOON AS THE HUSBAND IS GONE ??? YOU ARE WAY TOO PARENOID,BUT IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE. Would you permit your spouce to go out on dinner dates with anyone that asks ??? THATS REDICULOUS, WHY WOULD I,BUT UNDER CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES IT WOULD BE OK .I WOULD TRUST HIM.Would you be happy that he talks BADLY about your MARRIAGE, then ASKS for a dinner date in Spanish, so you dont know whats going on ??WELL IF YOU ARE SHOWING AS MUCH JEALOUSY HERE AS YOU WERE THERE I CAN SEE WHY HE WOULD DO THAT.

[This message has been edited by Needhelpnow (edited 10-26-2003).]

[This message has been edited by dsheldon3 (edited 10-26-2003).]