I just found out that I have HPV

[Beckjay]

A month ago I noticed 2 red bumps on the tip of my penis. After consulting a doctor, I found that I had genital warts. I admit, I was completely ignorant about the disease. Now, after much research I feel a little more knowledgeable about it. The more I read, the more upset I become. The impression I get from the info I have read is that there is no such thing as safe sex with this disease. I'm a 29 year old male who feels that there is nothing better than the soft loving touch of a woman. The depression is becoming overwhelming at the thought of my love and sex life ending. I guess I'm looking for a success story. Someone who has had a long term relationship and did not transmit the disease. I DO NOT want to give this to someone else! I can't help but think that informing a woman of the inherent risks of sleeping with me that they will want nothing to do with me. And I can't blame them. Who wants to voluntarily put themselves at risk to a disease that will haunt them for the rest of their lives?

[This message has been edited by Beckjay (edited 08-19-2001).]

[PhoebeM]

Well, there is no such thing as totatlly SAFE sex period other than NO sex, so don't beat up on yourself too much. Join the crowd and educate yourself, but don't start feeling sorry for yourself or you will be no use to anyone, including yourself. You can't start being fearful, paranoid, depressed, etc. That will have a downward spiraling effect and lead to nothing but hurt, loneliness and more fear for you. I know people with both herpes and HPV who are leading fairly normal lives, including good sex lives. You need to use condoms, and should be doing that even if you didn't have HPV---hey, that is how you caught it to begin with, by not practicing safer sex. I know since I caught HSV that way myself! You MUST be honest with your future sex partners, but this will make you MORE selective and you will only be telling a woman you truly care about enough to reveal this to. You will care enough about her and yourself to let her know about your condition and the necessity to practice safe sex. Having HPV does NOT mean you will not be able to have sex again, it means now that you have a contagious virus that you need to protect others from and you can do that as best you can, but YOU have to be honest with yourself and your partner. All I have read online, and all I have learned from people I have talked to, indicate that MOST of the time, partners do NOT reject someone because of herpes or HPV. IF they do, then that person is not someone you would want to have a relationship with anyway. You must be safe, and honest, but you are the same you and you are not the virus...so don't let anyone judge you by it and don't judge yourself by it and let it keep you from leading a happy life. HPV can be more problematic for women as it could lead to a precancerous condition in the uterus, but if the woman keeps getting checkups and watches for it, that won't happen most likely. You need to inform a young lady of your situation when you want to be sexual, but you don't need to feel like a leper. The more natural and matter of fact way you tell her will affect how she reacts. If you act scared and fearful, then why shouldn't she? Good luck!

[Beckjay]

Thanks Phoebem. I know that everything you said is true. I guess the shock is still fresh. Have you ever passed herpes to someone? That is what I fear the most. I don't want to put someone through what I'm going though, or anyone who has an std is going through. I have been discussing this with a friend, when is the right time to inform your partner? Early on when there is not much emotional attachment. Or later, when it becomes harder on them to walk away? Does anyone have input on this? Have you ever heard of Lysine? Its an essential amino acid that you can only get from food. I just found out about this so,I don't know too much about it. It supposed to help your body prevent or decrease the severity of any viral flare up.

[This message has been edited by Beckjay (edited 08-24-2001).]

[NewStatistic]

I am in the same boat you are, 2 days ago I just found out I might have HPV....so I am not sure how to deal with this either.....I am 24 and just starting my life...I don't know what to do....

[sleekseeker1]

I've been doing a ton of research on this, and this is what I've found. Supposedly, close to 80% of all sexually active people have one of the 70 or so forms of HPV. A few of them cause warts, and a few of them can, under rare circumstances, cause the growth of cancerous cells in a woman's cervix, which should be picked up by a papsmear and dealt with fairly easily. Most people with HPV stop showing symptoms and stop being contagious after a couple of years. The analogy I was given was that it was like chicken pox -- once you get it, you always have it, but your immune system takes care of it to the point where it is effectively gone. Furthermore, there is no test that can be done on men to determine whether they have HPV, besides looking for warts, which most people with HPV don't have (even the people with the HPV that causes warts usually don't develop warts). So, you all probably know a lot of people with HPV, who don't even know they have it, and will never suffer for it.

This is what I have learned. If anyone feels differently or has gathered conflicting information, please share.