[FONT=Arial][COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]I am a senior in high school, I am well known and a very nice guy I can speak to my friends easily but when I try to talk to the opposite sex I choke up or my mind goes blank I can get through the first line but after that I go braindead and say anything at all I just stand there and nod listening to whatever they say. I'm classified as the nice guy that is "Just a Friend". I was wondering if anybody could help me out with getting over this problem.
same problem.....i sometimes do that....but its cool man......don't think so much on what u are gonna say and keep a clear mine...flirt....say what u want to say.....yeah u may say something stupid....but hey, at least your saying something,... better then standing there like a mummy and nodding your head up and down
No one can actually help you get over this. Your gonna have to do it on your own, or stay the say you are. I used to be like that, then I got sick of it cause on one actually likes the nice guy. And now I have no trouble talking to anyone, you just have to realize that they are not judging you and nothing bad is going to happen if you just talk to them.
what you could do. just to give you an advantage. is make up a list of stuff you like or think would be cool to talk about or mention. then once you are in group with girls and guys or whatever. then just pick something you remember off that list.
if that dies down. pick something else. if that then dies. then ask someone a question.
like hey do you like this movie, hey have you heard that song.
you know stuff like that. thatll get someone in giving you a response back.
but really its all about self confidence. i too was and still am labeled as "the nice guy" and also "the quiet guy". never bothered me. id rather be me then some mr. popularity. whos every action is in the public eye.
if its your image you want to change then just try to build a reputation for yourself. get busted for something haha. do something youve always wanted to do.
there are many girls who prefer the nice guy. but hey i mean thats what you are ya know. if you arent comfortable with that cause you dont like it then be different. but if you wanna change yourself , cause of other people. then dont do it. youd just be living a lie.
I totally agree with Connor. I think that you should definately make a list of things to say, it'll make you less nervous, and you'll be more confident around people
I used to be like that with guys, especially with the ones I liked. I used to just stand there when they'd talk to me... haha... with this one guy, it took me 2 months just to say hi even though we'd see each other all of the time! haha...
Anyway, what got me over that is: 1. do what Connor said, a list def helps! 2. I would not think of the guy as "the really nice, hott, athletic, smart, funny guy that I really like that I would never be able to go out with because 'I'm not good enough'." Doing that just makes you so nervous and the other person will think you live in a box or something and we don't want that.
Basically, if you do stuff like that, you'll be much more confident and you won't need the list anymore. Not to mention, a lot of girls will notice your self confidence! Good luck!
Thank you all for the help and information. I am working toward this problem of mine. I hope I can overcome it. I have began my list right now and I've been infront of the mirror talking to myself, I even had my parents and brother look at me strange during this but oh well... Once again thank you very much for your help.
on your own time its easy to come up with stuff to say. its when its in person and all. that your mind goes blank. so i just thought, make up a list of topics. then when you get your time in. just pick a topic and go at it.
The problem is that you are too conscientious of how you are perceived by the girl. Once you get to the point that you don't care how you are perceived, you will vastly improve. Try not to worry about what she is going to think of you. Try to get to the point where you don't even care what they think of you. Then you'll relax. And then you'll improve, and with that, you'll experience some success. Remeber, even if they were to think negatively of you, you still have your buddies as friends. You won't be alone. It won't be the end of the world. So, to heck with how they feel about you. Once you can get to where you adopt that attitude, you will feel a change come over you. And that change will be evident in a more aggressive and assertive you. I know that it is hard to not worry about how others feel about you or perceive you. Be a nice person in your life. But when you approach a girl, garner up a little attitude that asserts that you are at least an equal, if not even a superior, to them. Then it will feel like you can do no wrong. So, my pal, it's an attitude thing. The bottom line is that you have to conquer the fear of being thought of negativley by others. That's why perhaps you have heard other guys tell you that they can't approach a girl because "they feel stupid". In short, you fear that you'll look "stupid". Right? That's what you've got to conquer. And the way to do that is with an attitude change. Don't worry if you still have a little nervousness. We all do. That's normal. Remember, too, that even the coolest of guys face rejection and are made to "feel stupid" now and then.