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harrisson 05-03-2005 07:33 PM

ShyNESS
 
Hey, i have a problem im shy to talk to ppl in person but the wierd thing is once i talk to them a couple times i aint shy around them at all. Like on the internet(Aol Instant Messenger) im all outgoing and ppl always come to me for a good laugh and all the girls do when they have problems but for some reason i cant be outgoing in person but i can be really outgoing online... Plz Help. I kno how to be sweet with the ladies on the internet but for some reason i cant in person. I came over most my shyness but talking first is a no no for me :nono: Its crazy how my friends are so outgoing if they like someone they would just flat out say it and i could neverrr do that usualy the chicks tell me first... :( Plz Help If I Posted This In Wrong Forum Plz Move It For Me.

harrisson 05-05-2005 09:05 PM

Re: ShyNESS
 
bump help plz if this is in wrong forum sorry and plz move it.

allen_dave 05-05-2005 10:06 PM

Re: ShyNESS
 
Being shy is not a an anxiety problem in itself. However, most people with anxiety are shy.

I'm not sure if you're in the right or wrong forum, but you should be aware that many people are shy when around another person or people, but are very good at expressing themselves via email or chatting.

My advice is to tell people in person that you are shy. That way you both know what's going on, and it will probably relieve some of your shyness.

harrisson 05-06-2005 01:30 PM

Re: ShyNESS
 
Thanks for info but that will make me look like a panzy, what can i do to make me become more outgoing.

CFD 333 05-06-2005 03:26 PM

Re: ShyNESS
 
Badboy, so you're a Cassanova on AOL but can't barely get a word out when in person, eh? I believe that if you look at this problem you will note that its the "confrontation" aspect of the conversations that causes you to become shy. One of the hardest things to do in life is look someone in the eye and tell them what you are thinking. Your feelings are completely normal and completely natural.

The problem is that you feel this is some kind of a character flaw and its holding your life back. This may upset you but when you get flustered about this situation, will it not just serve to make you even more nervous about it the next time out? So what you have to do is break the endless loop of dispair and I'll show you how...

Ever notice that you only seem to get really shy around the prettiest girls and don't hardly feel a thing when you talk to the average looking girls? Why is that? Could it be because you don't care what the average looking girls think of you? Since you really don't think they are very pretty why should you care what they think about you, right? So you find it pretty easy to relax and be comfortable around them because you don't fear being judged! That is the key, my man...What you gotta do is practice your "routine" with girls that you don't even consider that attractive. This will allow you to make every mistake in the world and not even care about what happens until you get really good at it. The better you feel about yourself and your approach, the easier it will be to talk to many different girls.

So, you start off working on your game with a girl who is a 5 or 6 and get really good at it and learn what works for you. Then you work your way up slowly to going out with 7's...then 8's...and so on. Like anything in life, it takes a lot of practice to get good. The better you are at talking to woman, the better your chances of landing that true 10 you've been slobbering over for the past year!

Remember that it doesn't come natural to everyone right away...it can take some time to overcome this. The best thing to do is start off small and work your way up. Hey, at least you'll be talking to some girls instead of sitting home wishing you had a date, right? When you get good at it, you'll wonder why you didn't think of this yourself ;)

By the way, its a BIG NO-NO to go around telling girls that you like them...who are these friends of yours and where did they learn their game?? Never tell the girl ANYTHING about how you feel about her at first...your job is to ask them out and show them a good time. When the girl likes you, she'll let you know it. Pay attention to things like when she twirls her hair, when she stares deep into your eyes, and when she touches your hand or arm...these are dead giveaways. Sometimes girls may just come out and say that they like you, but don't count on that...if she has to say something, it usually means that you didn't pick up her signals...watch her like a hawk!

Now go out into the world my son and remember what I taught you.

harrisson 05-06-2005 04:58 PM

Re: ShyNESS
 
K thanks so what your basically saying is the girls i dont care about act natural and keep practicing with them.? Its wierd tho because im so outgoing and show my true self on comp but in person its like the girl is the man and im the girl.. so they gotta make first moves for everything thats how its been but im changing that lil by lil thanks for help if any1 got any other tips so u can trick ur mind or something id appreciate it.

CFD 333 05-06-2005 06:17 PM

Re: ShyNESS
 
[QUOTE=badboy4492000]K thanks so what your basically saying is the girls i dont care about act natural and keep practicing with them.? Its wierd tho because im so outgoing and show my true self on comp but in person its like the girl is the man and im the girl.. so they gotta make first moves for everything thats how its been but im changing that lil by lil thanks for help if any1 got any other tips so u can trick ur mind or something id appreciate it.[/QUOTE]

It may be true that your the man on the comp but its requires time and practice to switch those skills from online to real life. Like I stated earlier, its best not to go straight for the girls that make you the most nervous and shy...that will only serve to make it harder and harder for you. By starting off with girls that you DON'T feel shy around, you'll be able to develop your skills and gain a lot of experience being the man.

Please don't think that I meant you should use these girls just so you get good at dating people. What I mean is go out with girls you like, but ones that you can handle and take a more confident approach with. I'm telling you this from experience really because I was extremely shy around girls for a long time until I met a girl that didn't make me so nervous and that I could feel confident around. Then I started dating her and she eventually became my girl. After we broke up, I was much more confident than I had been before the relationship. So, I was able to date better and better looking girls that I never thought I had a chance with before...all I needed was a confidence boost. See what I mean?

So, in reality, there really is no way to trick your mind into something like this overnight...it doesn't work that way. The more experience you have, the better and more confident you'll be...

harrisson 05-06-2005 06:48 PM

Re: ShyNESS
 
Thanks i understand what u mean i kinda figured out what my problem was and it was speaking my mind. But from now on im gonna be straight up and say w.e i wont care no more im sick of girls doing the mans job lol... ill post a update how it goes. Thanks For Help


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