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-   -   my shyness is ruining my relationship..please help (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/shyness/317719-my-shyness-ruining-my-relationship-please-help.html)

SayMoo 08-23-2005 02:31 AM

my shyness is ruining my relationship..please help
 
So im normally slightly shy, but nothing too drastic. Im from a Greek background and i find myself more shy of greeks then other people. .. possibly because im so use to speaking English. I only speak greek at home with my family...and i often make mistakes or have to stop and think but because im around people im comfortable with im ok with it.

My boyfriend is greek and so is his family. Me and him speak both greek and english around each other..or he speaks greek to me and i speak english to him :D
Now we've been together for 3 years and for those 3 years i have been avoiding meeting his family because of the fact that i felt too shy to.
I did end up meeting them near the end of last year and I am STILL very shy around them. They speak english...most of them but they find it culturally unacceptable to speak english among each other when they all speak Greek.

So whenever i find myself around them, im shy. I sit there with my arms crossed smiling and politely answering some questions here and there..and it bugs the hell out of me. I cant stand myself this way..theres just so much i wanna say and do but i cant..i sit there and the words just dont come out.
Even with my boyfriend when i feel its too hard to speak greek i stop and i speak english...should i just tell them im uncomfortable?! God they're gonna think im such an idiot tho..im just so out of touch with this GREEK culture.

What should i do?! Every time im around them i come home feeling sad because of the horrible impression that i must have left on them. My boyfriends sister is so awesome, shes this outgoing, funny, sweet person and i cant even bring myself to talk to her properly. Im terrible =( What can i do..?!
She even makes public statements about my shyness ,im assuming because she wants to make me feel better..but its not working coz i just feel so childish..My boyfriend sits there with a disappointed look on his face the whole time... Im just so out of character..i have been thinking the only way to actually get them to know the real me is to speak english..i cant have a proper conversation in greek i'll just wreck myself...and what does my boyfriend have to say about this?!
"Its ok if you cant speak it fluently nobody is perfect...SO many of my family friends cant speak it properly and nobody laughs at them..dont be silly"

Its not so much that i cant speak it..i mean i forget some words etc, but its the COMPLEX that i have..i just feel like theres a wall i cant climb.

This is ruining my relationship with my boyfriend because i feel pressure to fit in..im not only worried about what they'll think, im worried about what he'll think.
:o

Hangin in There 08-23-2005 03:46 AM

Re: my shyness is ruining my relationship..please help
 
Having a Greek family should help out tremendously. Try speaking more Greek with them at home so you're comfortable with it.

And don't be so hard on yourself if you make mistakes....I'm sure his family won't bite! :)

SayMoo 08-23-2005 04:12 AM

Re: my shyness is ruining my relationship..please help
 
i know i do speak it...i know that im being irrational but i dont know how to fix it.. I just dont know how to relax around them...i feel so bad coz im not being myself.. i dont know what to do any more

goody2shuz 08-23-2005 04:48 AM

Re: my shyness is ruining my relationship..please help
 
Hi, SayMoo :wave: I think that you should go for it and speak Greek even though you may be a little self conscious about it. :D Afterall there are alot of us here that do quite a job on the English language ;) myself included!!!

I had 3 Cuban roommates in college and they often took me home for weekends. Their families ONLY spoke Spanish and I was taking Spanish in college and would practice it with them. They actually had a thing against American girls and were going to pull their daughters out of college once they learned that they had an Amereican roommmate :eek: That is, until I went home and tried my Spanish out on them and they learned to adopt me as their American daughter. :D I would call them Mami & Papi just like their daughters did and to this day consider them as so.

So give your BF's family the same chance to get to know you!!! I guarantee that it will be a great experience ~ Goody :wave:


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