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Old 11-12-2010, 02:34 AM   #1
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Can shyness ever go away?

Hi
Was looking to this board for some help on my shyness problem..however as its empty, I guess I should inaugarate it and ask my question.
If you have seen my previous posts you would know how my extreme shyness is controlling my life, marriage and even sex life with my husband!
Dont wanna get back into that post but in general, I have always always been a shy person to the fact that when I had to do public speaking at school etc for Englisg class I would get panic attacks..it really was the worst time. I guess with a bit of background, i grew up with my mother and me alone. No dad no siblings..and to top it off my mom is the second shyest person apart from me. We basically lived very independt lives, never really mingling with society etc and home was my sancutary, I would sit hours and hours with books and music just alone and never get bored, So im basically an introvert. Went to a girls school and studied university at home through distance learning (just so I could avoid the whole campus thing).
Well Im rambling now...but basically what I want to know is where does one draw the line? When are you just a normal shy person and when does it become an extreme? I know counseling etc can help with shyness but are there any other methods to try? Does anyone else suffer from this extreme shyness condition? Guess it would help if I knew Im not a total freak or recluse?

 
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Old 12-04-2010, 01:28 PM   #2
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

Quote:
Originally Posted by fjeeva001 View Post
Hi
Was looking to this board for some help on my shyness problem..however as its empty, I guess I should inaugarate it and ask my question.
If you have seen my previous posts you would know how my extreme shyness is controlling my life, marriage and even sex life with my husband!
Dont wanna get back into that post but in general, I have always always been a shy person to the fact that when I had to do public speaking at school etc for Englisg class I would get panic attacks..it really was the worst time. I guess with a bit of background, i grew up with my mother and me alone. No dad no siblings..and to top it off my mom is the second shyest person apart from me. We basically lived very independt lives, never really mingling with society etc and home was my sancutary, I would sit hours and hours with books and music just alone and never get bored, So im basically an introvert. Went to a girls school and studied university at home through distance learning (just so I could avoid the whole campus thing).
Well Im rambling now...but basically what I want to know is where does one draw the line? When are you just a normal shy person and when does it become an extreme? I know counseling etc can help with shyness but are there any other methods to try? Does anyone else suffer from this extreme shyness condition? Guess it would help if I knew Im not a total freak or recluse?

Hello fjeeva001,
I hope you see my response. I saw your post was Nov. 11 and had no feed-back. That is why I am responding to you now. You not having a response about your shyness is not helping much, is it?

I think that shyness is a common thing to every person in the world at one time or another. I don't know how old you are, but I sure do remember how hard it was to make a speech to a class in school. I had panic attack also when I had to have a speech. It was so scary, it was like I felt that I wasn't even there but kept reading my speech and got through it some how. So I understand what you are talking about. I want to tell you that you can come over your shyness.

First of all, I saw that your mother was shy and you were an only child, so that for sure helped you to form your world view. You also are right that shyness can be debilitating. You have to start with some self confidence. You have to believe in yourself - your opinions do matter - you have something to say that is important - you are intelligent and have value in the world and yourself. You do matter to the whole world and without you, the world would be a lesser place.

These are not arrogant thoughts. These are tools you have to use so you can function. I know it is hard to do, but you have to believe in yourself. If you make a mistake, that is ok, everyone does. The saddest thing about shyness is that a bully will take advantage of you, but that is their own insecurities. You have to stand firm and believe in yourself.

Please don't shut out the whole world. There are good people out there. I know that there doesn't seem like, but they are there. You have to seek them out. They will come to you, but you have to get out there and have some confidence in your self. I know it is hard, but start a little at a time and it will grow. I hope to see you here again. I hope what I wrote helped. If it didn't, just regard it. But God Bless you all the same.

Tim

 
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:44 PM   #3
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

I've always been a pretty shy person. I've found that over the years while I still have many social situations where the shyness is very evident, I do have some areas of my life where I've gained more confidence. Those are areas where I feel I have a lot of knowledge or something else to offer. It makes it easier for me to come out of my shell a bit. I've really grown a lot over the years at work. I just pick and choose my times when I want to speak up on something.

I'm still single and attribute my shyness to that mostly. It is really hard to get out there to meet people.

Any group gatherings or parties are really hard for me. In addition to shyness, I have some hearing loss so I can't hear well in loud situations. It is torture in those settings.

While I haven't found a good answer, I can recommending finding within yourself those things you are good at/ knowledgeable about/ interested in
and build on those.

Good luck.

 
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Old 12-05-2010, 11:44 PM   #4
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

Hi Tim

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, it really means alot. I have found some great advice in your words. I hope there were more people as thoughtful as you. Thanks

 
Old 12-05-2010, 11:45 PM   #5
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

Thank you Mountain Reader for your great words and ideas. I agree with you, in areas where I have more knowledge etc I feel more confidence. I guess I have to build more knowledge. Thank you.

 
Old 12-06-2010, 09:41 AM   #6
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

Your welcome fjeeva. I will check back here to see how you are doing. Remember that you are a good person and have something important to say. You can do it!
Talk to you soon,
Tim

 
Old 12-06-2010, 10:12 AM   #7
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MountainReader View Post
I've always been a pretty shy person. I've found that over the years while I still have many social situations where the shyness is very evident, I do have some areas of my life where I've gained more confidence. Those are areas where I feel I have a lot of knowledge or something else to offer. It makes it easier for me to come out of my shell a bit. I've really grown a lot over the years at work. I just pick and choose my times when I want to speak up on something.

I'm still single and attribute my shyness to that mostly. It is really hard to get out there to meet people.

Any group gatherings or parties are really hard for me. In addition to shyness, I have some hearing loss so I can't hear well in loud situations. It is torture in those settings.

While I haven't found a good answer, I can recommending finding within yourself those things you are good at/ knowledgeable about/ interested in
and build on those.

Good luck.
Hello MountainReader,
It seems you have a problem with shyness also. I am sure that if you are hard to hear makes meeting others even more difficult. But from what you wrote seems like you are managing ok and are dealing with your shyness. I have found a tool that I use when I am in a situation to meet new people. By trial and error I found that almost all people like to talk about themselves. (that is most other than shy people ). But if you ask about a person's life, they are more than happy to talk to you. You also can find amazing and interesting things about other people that will tell you if you listen. It is a good way to meet new people and sort of get over your shyness. I have a few new friends that I have met by just listening and being sincere. and I think that most shy people are sincere by nature, and others sense that. (Not shyness, but sincereness.)
Have a good day and write back here if you can.
God Bless,
Tim

Last edited by Positive Cynic; 12-06-2010 at 10:14 AM.

 
Old 12-17-2010, 10:54 PM   #8
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

Quote:
Originally Posted by fjeeva001 View Post
Hi
Was looking to this board for some help on my shyness problem..however as its empty, I guess I should inaugarate it and ask my question.
If you have seen my previous posts you would know how my extreme shyness is controlling my life, marriage and even sex life with my husband!
Dont wanna get back into that post but in general, I have always always been a shy person to the fact that when I had to do public speaking at school etc for Englisg class I would get panic attacks..it really was the worst time. I guess with a bit of background, i grew up with my mother and me alone. No dad no siblings..and to top it off my mom is the second shyest person apart from me. We basically lived very independt lives, never really mingling with society etc and home was my sancutary, I would sit hours and hours with books and music just alone and never get bored, So im basically an introvert. Went to a girls school and studied university at home through distance learning (just so I could avoid the whole campus thing).
Well Im rambling now...but basically what I want to know is where does one draw the line? When are you just a normal shy person and when does it become an extreme? I know counseling etc can help with shyness but are there any other methods to try? Does anyone else suffer from this extreme shyness condition? Guess it would help if I knew Im not a total freak or recluse?
I am shy. VERY shy. School for me was a nightmare. I think it began in school also. Oral book reports scared me to death. The night before I would lay in bed and just lay in a cold frightful sweat. Nightmares all night. I would miss a lot of school. But when I returned I was still forced to get up in front of the class to do the report.I also stutted badly. Kids would laugh and that made it last. At home I just sat and watched TV. I never talked much. I made very few friends. I'm 59 and still as shy as ever. I really know what you mean. I never went to any school dances. Never played sports which I really would of loved to do. In my life I made only 3 friends. I feel why did God do this to me? I am very bad a conversing. I do only if I have to. Any comments out there? I have become a lonely shut in. Oddly enough I am married!

 
Old 12-18-2010, 03:58 AM   #9
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

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Originally Posted by srvinme View Post
I am shy. VERY shy. School for me was a nightmare. I think it began in school also. Oral book reports scared me to death. The night before I would lay in bed and just lay in a cold frightful sweat. Nightmares all night. I would miss a lot of school. But when I returned I was still forced to get up in front of the class to do the report.I also stutted badly. Kids would laugh and that made it last. At home I just sat and watched TV. I never talked much. I made very few friends. I'm 59 and still as shy as ever. I really know what you mean. I never went to any school dances. Never played sports which I really would of loved to do. In my life I made only 3 friends. I feel why did God do this to me? I am very bad a conversing. I do only if I have to. Any comments out there? I have become a lonely shut in. Oddly enough I am married!
Dear srvinme,
I understand the pain you have suffered by your shyness. Though from what you wrote does sounds like it has taken over you life, I do understand and I don't think that is not unusual. I am sure there are many people that feel the same way as you. I believe that you have taken a big step, just by writing what you did. I imagine that was a hard thing to do, but you did it.

In my opinion, if you want to have more friends, maybe tell people exactly how you feel. Tell people that you are shy and I believe most will understand. There are people out there that care, but you have to find them. You have to have some confidence in yourself. Don't think that self-confidence is arrogant. You are a wonderful person and you have value and your opinion does matter. You may not think that, but it is true.

I know that you can over come this. Just tell people how you feel. It is a wonderful release to be honest with yourself and to other people. I think that all people are shy in some respect. It is just normal.

I hope some of this helps.

I wish you all the best,
Tim

 
Old 12-18-2010, 04:32 AM   #10
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

Quote:
Originally Posted by fjeeva001 View Post
Well Im rambling now...but basically what I want to know is where does one draw the line? When are you just a normal shy person and when does it become an extreme? I know counseling etc can help with shyness but are there any other methods to try? Does anyone else suffer from this extreme shyness condition? Guess it would help if I knew Im not a total freak or recluse?
normal is relative, you are perfectly normal for you

the human condition is nothing to embrace so you are better off with the little contact

try what you like but shyness is not a condition it is a preference in ones genes as compelling as hetero or **** sexuality

 
Old 12-18-2010, 05:08 AM   #11
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

Quote:
Originally Posted by noonereal View Post
normal is relative, you are perfectly normal for you

the human condition is nothing to embrace so you are better off with the little contact

try what you like but shyness is not a condition it is a preference in ones genes as compelling as hetero or **** sexuality
Noonereal,
I am sorry you feel that way. I disagree what you said, but that is your view and I respect that.

Last edited by Positive Cynic; 12-18-2010 at 05:10 AM.

 
Old 12-18-2010, 05:48 AM   #12
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

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Originally Posted by Positive Cynic View Post
Noonereal,
I am sorry you feel that way. I disagree what you said, but that is your view and I respect that.
why are you sorry I "feel" this way?

and

why do you disagree? what do you base this on?

that is not not an opinion it is fact

shyness is encoded in some as is hair or eye color or as I said sexual preference

Last edited by unreal; 12-18-2010 at 05:48 AM.

 
Old 12-18-2010, 06:44 AM   #13
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

Quote:
Originally Posted by noonereal View Post
why are you sorry I "feel" this way?

and

why do you disagree? what do you base this on?

that is not not an opinion it is fact

shyness is encoded in some as is hair or eye color or as I said sexual preference
I'm sorry that your "fact" is:

"the human condition is nothing to embrace so you are better off with the little contact."

That is what you said. If you want to be alone, that is fine. I was posting to a person that did not want to be alone, and shyness was a burden to him. That is all I wanted to say. I was trying to help another person. If that offends you, I apologize.

Your anger comes through your writing. Anger is a good thing at times when it is focused correctly. Maybe we could discuss that in a different forum here.

I leave that to you.
I wish you well.
Tim

 
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Old 12-18-2010, 12:07 PM   #14
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Thumbs up Re: Can shyness ever go away?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Positive Cynic View Post
Dear srvinme,
I understand the pain you have suffered by your shyness. Though from what you wrote does sounds like it has taken over you life, I do understand and I don't think that is not unusual. I am sure there are many people that feel the same way as you. I believe that you have taken a big step, just by writing what you did. I imagine that was a hard thing to do, but you did it.

In my opinion, if you want to have more friends, maybe tell people exactly how you feel. Tell people that you are shy and I believe most will understand. There are people out there that care, but you have to find them. You have to have some confidence in yourself. Don't think that self-confidence is arrogant. You are a wonderful person and you have value and your opinion does matter. You may not think that, but it is true.

I know that you can over come this. Just tell people how you feel. It is a wonderful release to be honest with yourself and to other people. I think that all people are shy in some respect. It is just normal.

I hope some of this helps.

I wish you all the best,
Tim
Thanks Tim for the very kind words. You honestly helped a lot. Knowing there are people like you out there gives me more hope.You are a wonderful man to speak to me. I will go out there and try! Thanks again.. Chris

 
Old 12-18-2010, 05:17 PM   #15
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Re: Can shyness ever go away?

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Originally Posted by srvinme View Post
Thanks Tim for the very kind words. You honestly helped a lot. Knowing there are people like you out there gives me more hope.You are a wonderful man to speak to me. I will go out there and try! Thanks again.. Chris
Wow Chris,
Thank you for your post. It made me a smile today and that means a lot. You can do it, I know you can. Let me know how you are doing. Go out there and get 'em
Tim

 
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