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LaidBackLar 01-24-2011 05:54 PM

really shy around strangers
 
hi i am really shy around strangers mostly girls i dont know. i find it hard to talk to them and feel really awkward when around them. i go bright red and start blushing im really paled skinned so makes it even WORSE!! im fine around family and friends who are girls but strangers make me blush real bad its a curse :(

Kali333 01-24-2011 06:05 PM

Re: really shy around strangers
 
You may outgrow this. I did, but not until my early 30s.
I got a job where I absolutely have to talk to people, and not act *weird* while doing it... and after about a year of this, I found that I could talk to anyone easily, whether in a professional or social situation.

I think that one of the main things I learned is to really [I]listen[/I] to what the other person is saying, and then to pause for a moment- it's okay to pause. You don't [I]have[/I] to blurt something out, just to fill the silence. Just pause long enough to formulate a reasonable and appropriate response. Don't rush yourself coming up with a response. If you do, chances are you'll say the wrong thing or what you intended to say will come out wrong.
If you do this- take the time to think your responses through- you'll soon find it's easier and less embarrassing to converse.

Someday, I hope life will put you in a similar situation, where you're [I]forced[/I] to talk to people all day long. It will be uncomfortable at first, but it will help you grow as a person, and break free of the prison of shyness.

Good luck!

LaidBackLar 01-24-2011 06:19 PM

Re: really shy around strangers
 
thanks a lot for replying i am only 22 hopefully i outgrow it, did your whole face go bright red including down your kneck when your shyness kicked in? because that happens me, i could light up a dark room lol

Kali333 01-24-2011 06:20 PM

Re: really shy around strangers
 
[QUOTE=LaidBackLar;4668974]thanks a lot for replying i am only 22 hopefully i outgrow it, did your whole face go bright red including down your kneck when your shyness kicked in? because that happens me, i could light up a dark room lol[/QUOTE]

Well, no. I'm darker complected.
But my face feels hot when I'm embarrassed, and I'm sure it [I]would[/I] be red, if I was paler. Lol.

LaidBackLar 01-24-2011 06:46 PM

Re: really shy around strangers
 
awww damn lucky you, im irish so im like a milk bottle ;), anyways thanks for replyin i appreciate it alot, take care :wave:

Jsgreatauntie 02-08-2011 12:02 PM

Re: really shy around strangers
 
I am 56 and have always been very shy to the point of having social phobia and not being able to do things socially where I might meet people I don't know (especially men). My uncle suggested something to me that might work for you. He told me to leave the house every day and go somewhere, grocery store, mall, some kind of shop and speak to someone I don't know. I don't have to carry on a long convesation just a few words to get myself used to speaking with strangers. Like if you go to a grocery store and you see a person picking out fruit you might go up to them and ask a question like "Excuse me, do you know where the xxxxx(whatever item you want to choose) is?" They'll either say they don't know or they will say "Oh, sure, it's on aisle 14 right next to the peanut butter" and they won't think a thing about it. Then you can say "Thank you" and move on. You don't have to speak to everyone in the store but if you want to try one or two more people that's great but if not consider the job done & go home.
And keep telling yourself you are just as good as anyone else and you don't have to feel embarassed just because you blush. I do that too, in fact my face and all down my neck to my chest gets red and splotchy. Nothing I can do about that. If someone wants to make fun of me then I know they are not the type of person that I want to spend my valuable time with or on.
If you work at changing the automatic thoughts that make you embarassed you will feel more comfortable and probably not blush as often.

awlright 02-22-2011 01:23 AM

Re: really shy around strangers
 
Hi Laidbacklar, I used to be very much like you with the exception that my skin is darker and so wasn't always possible to tell how I was feeling. But my voice gave me away. Even at my advance age I still have a bit of it now and then. It took a bit of time to realize that what I was expressing was the fear that something was going to go terribly wrong when I met that new girl. Indeed, I was expressing anxiety, an irrational fear. The answer was very simple and very hard, but I worked at it and my shyness began to drop slowly but surely. When I felt the shyness coming on I told myself it is nothing but anxiety and you are this anxiety and it is you, so don't fear it anymore then you fear yourself, walk into it, bring up a conversation, tell a joke, confess that you are terrified of meeting new girls and laugh along with the girl who your talking to. If she's worth your effort, she'll reach out for you and help. You'll have a friend. Sounds easy right? Well it's not. You have to have real backbone to try it and live by it. Some people improve very quickly others take a little longer, but if they stick to it they will get past shyness. Never try to control it. Let it happen and go with it as I mentioned above. Part of the problem is trying to control it; that only makes matters worse and the failure makes you feel worse.

All the best


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