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-   -   Can somebody please explain why I am this way (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/shyness/907825-can-somebody-please-explain-why-i-am-way.html)

I love music 07-03-2012 03:04 PM

Can somebody please explain why I am this way
 
Hi.so basically I am really shy. I always have been but it has gotten worse lately. I refused to go round to my neighbour who I have known all my life to give him some banana bread yesterday. Today I was in town and I hate being served at the till because it's so awkward and I just want to avoid it all together. Also when I have to do solo talks in school I start shaking and when I am doing them I stare at one spot the whole time. I also find it very difficult to look people in the eye/face. And when my friends try to hug me I pull away because I hate that sorta thing. I'm scared I will never get a boyfriend. There was a point a couple of months ago where I was confident but that has seemed to have gone as I don't know why? My parents just tease me about being so shy. I don't know how to stop being so shy?!

LoonyLily 07-04-2012 02:51 PM

Re: Can somebody please explain why I am this way
 
Hey honey.

First of all, stop worrying! That won't get you anywhere. You've got to set yourself targets instead of fretting about the "whole picture". Take it step by step.

First step, try something small. No biggie, like take the bread around to your neighbour, smile politely and then it'll be over. One issue overcome, as simple as that! Second, buy something from a shop and pay for it yourself. Ask teachers for homework help even if you don't need it, ask a friendly classmate questions about work...Basically, set yourself daily targets.

I know how you feel though, I really do. I used to be shy and would hate it when people asked me questions. On the first day of school whenever a teacher got us to talk about ourselves in front of the whole class I'd freeze. But I did things to help overcome. I volunteered to be a Peer Mentor, I helped my friend set up a club for nervous Year Seven students, in Year 11 I was a Prefect and now I've volunteered in a PDSA shop.

All you need is to give YOURSELF chances. If you sit in the corner constantly thinking that you're so shy you'll never be able to talk to anyone, you never will be able to talk to anyone.

Just take it small steps at a time and seize opportunities as they come along. You don't need to be shy. :)

Best of luck

shevro 06-29-2014 10:20 AM

Re: Can somebody please explain why I am this way
 
Shyness is a personality until you feel comfortable with it and dont feel any urge to talk too much with others., but it bcomes a problem when u r very much eager to talk with others but cant do as yo are shy...i myself is so shy that i dont even talk to my cousins nor do i have a lot of friends...ya it's difficult to get rid of this, and can't overcome it...i would suggest you to join some personality development programmes.. otherwise its difficult to get away frm shyness

MightyAJ 07-25-2014 02:19 AM

Re: Can somebody please explain why I am this way
 
I'm sure you will meet someone and accept you for who you are. But little by little atleast try to let go of your fear and be confident. Thats the only way to fight shyness

LaceyAnne 04-07-2015 01:50 PM

Re: Can somebody please explain why I am this way
 
[QUOTE=I love music;5011878]Hi.so basically I am really shy. I always have been but it has gotten worse lately. I refused to go round to my neighbour who I have known all my life to give him some banana bread yesterday. Today I was in town and I hate being served at the till because it's so awkward and I just want to avoid it all together. Also when I have to do solo talks in school I start shaking and when I am doing them I stare at one spot the whole time. I also find it very difficult to look people in the eye/face. And when my friends try to hug me I pull away because I hate that sorta thing. I'm scared I will never get a boyfriend. There was a point a couple of months ago where I was confident but that has seemed to have gone as I don't know why? My parents just tease me about being so shy. I don't know how to stop being so shy?![/QUOTE]

Hi there!

I find for me that shyness has been a life long trait -- something I've dealt with for as long as I can remember. This means it's very deeply rooted and you pretty much can't help it at all; however, people "outgrow" it, and for the shyest of us it can take a lot of time.

For me, using venlafaxine (Effexor/an antidepressant approved to treat SOCIAL ANXIETY) helped me a lot and made me actually outgoing. However, in the long run it made me a little too outgoing, and impulsive :P I recommend not taking it if you seem to have any borderline or bipolar (even cyclothymic maybe) tendencies. Gabapentin is one that would probably be a little on the safer side in that case.

As for your family, they just find your shyness loveable. Yes, it can be annoying to suffer and have people basically giggle at you for it. ;)

Hope that helped a bit. Maybe there is some kind of CBT for shyness, too...

unreal 04-11-2015 05:29 AM

Re: Can somebody please explain why I am this way
 
Shyness is not something you change. It is something you learn to deal with.

People often misunderstand shyness and think their normal apprehension in some situations is shyness. It's not. It's normal apprehension. Shy people experience this too but their normal is shy, not the same as you.

Taking medication for shyness? Well, If you want to change "your normal" go ahead. Most times, I have found, it will launch the user into mania and that is usually very self destructive long term.

love conquers 04-13-2015 06:31 PM

Re: Can somebody please explain why I am this way
 
Hi I read your story, I feel for you so much my heart goes out to you. I have been shy ever since I can remember I am 28 now and have social anxiety and depression. I remember when I was young I had so many chances to have girlfriends I was so shy i couldn't talk to girls barely to my guy friends. When I did have one girlfriend in middle school it went bad cause I could barely talk and couldn't kiss her or anything. I feel so bad for that. My advice would be to build your confidence, maybe start by getting use to hugging someone your best friend perhaps, practice by looking at people and just smile a little, maybe start with the people your closest to then when your comfortable with that you could try to meet new people, i hope this can help you some. :)

love conquers 04-13-2015 06:49 PM

Re: Can somebody please explain why I am this way
 
Hi I read your story about being shy, I feel for you my heart goes out to you. I had the same shyness, I had so many opportunities to have girlfriends, when I did have a girlfriend in middle school she broke up with me cause I barely talked to her, couldn't kiss her I feel so bad for that. I am 28 now and have social anxiety and depression.
Maybe you could start by sling at people maybe your neighbor those that your closest to, then maybe get comfortable with hugging your friends. Maybe you could start by smiling what people. Then when your comfortable with those things you could do more. I hope this helps you, wish you the best.
Typed again thought the other got erased


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