Dying in your sleep - Sleep Disorders Message Board

Malachians10 · 07-23-2008, 11:25 AM

Hello, i was wondering if someone could help me with some direction on this problem that seems to be getting worse.

Recently i have developed an innate fear of dying in my sleep, i believe this phobia is as a result of a recent traumatic event.

In December i walked into my house to my find my fiance dead on the couch, it was extremely sudden and she was home alone with my 8 month old baby for 4 hours. She died as a result of congenital heart failure, thankfully my child was fine when i got there. All sorts of permutations run through my mind though, what if i didnt come home when i did? What if i hadn't of changed my mind at the very last minute from making another sales call which would have delayed my arrival by about another 4-5 hours, would i have come home to two dead bodies? What if this happened whilst i was on a business trip, it would have been days before anyone would have known.

My fiances death is something that has left an indelible mark. Finding her dead has left me with a phobia of watching people sleep. Anytime i see someone motionless, i relive the whole event. Sometimes i have to wake people (including my son) to make sure they are still alive. However this has now escalated into the fear of my own death. I have some health issues, i have only one Kidney in which i have Chronic Kidney Disease (2) in. I had recent Knee surgery which is still extremely painful therefore i am on Vicodin, unfortunately due to my kidney i cant take regular pain meds, i am sure this isnt helping. My disorder is making me lose a lot of sleep, i am extremely anxious at night. I have now moved another person into my house incase i die in my sleep and my son would be left alone. Every night i have very lucid dreams of my fiance which many of them include my own death. I have no idea where to start with this but is it a regular phobia or is it symptomatic of my experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated

bethsheba · 07-23-2008, 12:32 PM

Hello Malachiasn

Welcome to our board. I'm so very sorry to learn of the recent death of your fiance and the circumstances surrounding her death. Your fears are understandable (and I would think normal) under the circumstances...but it may be helpful to get some counseling to help you through these difficult times. Loss of sleep is a symptom of clinical depression and sometimes we need the help of medication to get us through these periods until our body and soul can process our emotions and information. I would suggest you contact your family doctor with your concerns as s/he can prescribe medication and may be able to refer you to a grief counselor. You might want to check out the grief boards as the people there may be more current in their grief recovery than I am.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malachians10

... However this has now escalated into the fear of my own death..... My disorder is making me lose a lot of sleep, i am extremely anxious at night. I have now moved another person into my house incase i die in my sleep and my son would be left alone. ....

Moving someone into your home at this time sounds like a good idea. Grieving is a full time job and so is parenting and it may not be realistic to think you can do both at the same time right now..... .

Finally, I would say that your subconcious may be trying to tell you something...have you screened yourself for sleep apnea? There are a number of little quizzes and tests you can do to see if you are a candidate for a sleep disorder. For your peace of mind, and for the sake of your sleep and your health, it may be wise to rule sleep disorders out.

Take care, and be gentle with yourself. Grieving is hard work...do what "has" to be done and if you can't do what "has" to be done, get some help. And do check out the grief boards...there is a wealth of knowledgeble people who can offer understanding and support.

Bethsheba

Malachians10 · 07-23-2008, 03:53 PM

Beth, thank you so much for your reply. Just to hear another human being saying my symptoms are normal and im not a freak is very reassuring. I will most certainly check out the grief boards and i just made that appointment to see my MD. Thank you

bethsheba · 07-23-2008, 05:34 PM

Malachians,

I'm reassured to know you have contacted your physician as that is a good place to start...but yes, I think what you're experiencing is normal.

What came to mind when you described a need for waking someone, just to see if they were alive, was a movie with Shirley Maclane (spelling??)...it may have been Steel Magnolias, but I'm not good with titles so I can't be sure, the mother would wake her daughter just to make sure she was breathing and alive, too...I think it's something that we all do when things are falling apart around us. We just want to hold on to and protect the ones we love...and that means protecting ourselves, too.

No, you are definitely not a freak. As you learn more about grief (your own experiences and those of others) you may hear many new and strange things...but again, many of those things are "normal".

You might want to do some reading about Elizabeth Kubler Ross who was somewhat of a pioneer in the death/dying area.

Take care...my thoughts and prayers are with you...be assured that as you work through the grief process, more and more memories of happy times of your relationship and your fiance will return.

Bethsheba