Trying to quit, my hubby is not supportive! - Smoking Cessation Message Board

Moxy · 09-29-2004, 03:18 AM

Perhaps I am being too hard on him but my boyfriend (whom I live with) and I decided to quit together (both have been smoking a pack a day for about 13 years).
Set a quit date, I tried patches, he went cold turkey. We lasted a week and then relapsed = common.
Set another quit date (after all, it takes some learning about your personal triggers, etc.) and agreed to try alternative methods. I went with Wellbutrin (which after 2 weeks is WONDERFUL for cravings and working perfectly) I am so ready and able to ditch cigs for good. He is still doing the cold turkey and still smoking.
I keep asking in a nice way, how are you doing, what are your plans? I have communicated to him that I am ready to be smoke free completely but when I smell cigs on him, see our usual brand pack sitting on his car seat, find a half carton under his car seat!! It makes it so hard for me, the power of suggestion is so real with nicotine addiction.

Now I am mad, he is simply being an addict. Hiding smoking, continuing to justify that he is "trying" just by not smoking at work. I don't understand why he won't at least try an alternative method? I am at the point of making an ultimatum, me or the cigs. I mean this sincerely.....(I do love the man

but just want to shake him!!) HOW do I help him while helping myself? Should I convince him to use alternative methods or throw his cigs away and chain him to a chair for an entire weekend

ANY SUPPORT for smoking cessation success while living with a smoker?! Is it possible to quit while living with a smoker, has anyone attained this?

Thank you in advance for listening, it has helped me get this far in my smoke free goal.

elatedgiraffe · 09-29-2004, 12:43 PM

I think want you want, whats ideal to you isn't what is realistic.

You want to quit and want your husband to quit too. Obviously hes not ready to completely quit smoking. Until someone is ready no amount of nagging him is going to make him quit. You'll find, as you already have, that he'll resort to hiding it from you. Hes not going to quit until he is ready. Now maybe the time for you, but not for him.

I'm glad you have decided to quit. I quit over a year ago. The best decision I have ever made.

I could imagine that it would be quite hard to quit when the temptation is everywhere. I'm sure its possible, but it will be harder. Since hes not ready to quit is it possible he can smoke outside, hide his cigs rather than have them out in the open? I understand that he may not want to quit, but he should respect you in that he at leasts makes the temptation to grab a cigarette a little easier for you by not smoking or having cigs around you.

As far as an ultimatum. When you met him he was a smoker. So were you. Now you want to quit. Thats great, but hes not ready. If you don't think you can handle being a non-smoker living with a smoker then maybe it is time to re-evaluate the relationship. He may never quit. Are you okay with that?

Tobias · 09-29-2004, 06:14 PM

My husband quit while living with a smoker (me!). Took me another 25 years to do it. In later years I stopped smoking in the house and basically became a closet smoker in that I never smoked around people. But I stopped when I was good and ready and not one minute sooner.

Work on your own quit. Bugging him probably won't have the results you want (i.e., that he quits at the same time as you do) and will just create extra stress. Best you can do is tell him once how you feel, maybe ask him to not smoke around you, then drop it. Trying to make someone stop is spitting in the wind.

Good luck on your quit.

TW
960 days smoke-free.

LADYRET · 10-17-2004, 12:09 PM

I absolutely agree! My daughter smokes and her husband doesn,t and he has bugged her, shamed her, told her she stank, etc. She is still smoking, but seriously thinking about getting rid of him. You cannot make someone else do something just because you think this is best for you. Its like trying to get an alcoholic to stop drinking just for you. It won,t work. Work on yourself and maybe eventually he will see you looking and feeling so much better, he will want to try it too. If you think you can,t live with the fact that he won,t quit, maybe its time to get rid of cigs and the man.