Why oh why am I so self destructive. - Smoking Cessation Message Board

NodiGoiterGirl · 08-18-2005, 11:14 AM

You know it's really messed up. I worry about all kinds of crap that's bad for me but I can't seem to stop smoking. I worry about the health of my relatives, my friends, but yet I don't care enough about myself to quit for good.
I smoke a pack a week so not too heavy but alas it's still smoking. The last time I quit it was because I was too sick to smoke. I made it two weeks and then I just smoked one. It tasted gross but I still smoked it!!!! Then I bought a pack. Dumb.
I am so dissapointed in myself. I feel that I'm a strong person and can quit but I never succeed. I have been smoking for 10 years and the longest I have quit for was 6 mos. Then I think I got upset about something and started again. I just hate being an addict.
I have one left in this pack. Any support is appreciated

Thanks,
Nodi

Johnsternow · 08-18-2005, 12:11 PM

Hi Nodi,

First of all I would not be to hard on yourself. I think your state of mind that you put yourself in before and wile quitting is very important. I am unsure if you have ever read any of my posts in the past but there are supposed to be over 600 additional chemicals added to them filthy things.

These chemicals are not allowed to be put in our food or would kill us if consumed in higher quantities. They are only added to them poisonous monsters to keep us even more addicted to them. It isn’t bad enough we are addicted to just the nicotine alone. THAT MAKES ME MAD AT THEM!!!

I agree with your anger and disappointment but I would direct it at the ciggs themselves. At what they have done to you and others you have known. How they hurt people and their loved ones. How evil them things really are. Direct that negativity and anger from yourself to those nasty evil things. It helped me quit. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!! ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!!!

I hope this helps.
God Bless and Good Luck
John

Deda · 08-18-2005, 05:10 PM

Hi Nodi...I've seen you at the thyroid board.

I'm Deda, I'm 50, have hashi's/hypo, and I quit almost 3 months after my diagnoses, because I knew my chances of getting sick were bad enough BEFORE the hypo, and now with the autoimmune disease, chances became even worse!!

John is so right...ya got to get MAD

enough and hate the hell out of these darn poison sticks!! And let me tell ya something, if you have anti thyroid antibodies, it will/can increase them, and will only make your disease worse. That's why I chose to quit, after 30+ years of a pack or more a day. But first and foremost you MUST have the will and 100% determination to quit FOR GOOD!!! Without that, nothing is going to work and keep you smoke free forever! I had quit numerous times before this last and final quit. It's been 23 months, (and a 1/2!) since I quit for good! And I wasn't going through the easiest time in my life either, (with the hypo), I was very ill at the time, but I was SO determined, I got through it, and today, I'm doing wonderful. I rarely think about smoking now, honestly. I'm SO darn proud of myself, and for once I've finally turned in to a full fledged health nut. No more stinky cigs dirtying up my lungs, no more stinky hair, clothes, wasting $$, trips to store everyday, kids nagging me, worrying constantly that any day I'm going to wake up with cancer, etc. No more shame either... (I live in CA where they HATE smoking!) So see Nodi, if I can do it, you can too!

I used to think that I was totally hopeless to quit smoking, until I became totally committed to quit smoking. Smoking is bad if you have an autoimmune disease. My older brother had hypo/hashi's, and couldn't quit smoking, and ended up with a total of at least 4 or 5 AI diseases before he left us at 46. I sometimes wondered if he had quit smoking, maybe the AI wouldn't have progressed so...I know we'll never know, but I do still wonder. Please try, we're here to help. I've been on this board since before I even quit, reading tons of messages. I quit AFTER the strong will kicked in, (it got stronger as weeks passed without smoking), and I used the patch, prayer, exercise, meditation, etc. I really worked at this quit, unlike my other quits, but that's how badly I wanted it to work tho. Only little problem now is, I chew nicorette gum still, but not a big deal to me, yet...I said when I got my thyroid levels regulated, I will then work on this....I think I'm almost there. Been very sick for 2 years, and I'm finally starting to feel like I used to years ago!

Never thought it was going to happen, feeling this well again, and being this HAPPY

WITHOUT MY SMOKES!!!! (I LOVED SMOKING THEN, I HATE THE THOUGHT OF IT NOW)
Good luck Nodi!!!

Deda

luci · 08-18-2005, 05:29 PM

I am almost to 30 days without a cigarette. I am 28 years old and I have been smoking for half of my life!! When I realized this, I decided that enough was enough. I truly feel free right now, I don't feel under the influence of anything. Of all the drugs out there, nicotine was the one that hooked me in all the way. I mean, it's not like I tried any other drugs or anything (for real), it's just that I was always afraid of the effects of the other drugs, and associated that fear with becoming some sort of crack-***** or something!! But cigarettes are much worse, in my opinion. When I was a teenager and jonesing for a smoke, I stole my dad's "last" cigarette! He was saving it for posterity or something, and I just stole it,cause I thought I needed a ciggie! Stupid Stupid!! But anyhow, not to stray from your issues, I feel that a person has to really truly and actively fight those intitial cravings. And to call them initial cravings is rather silly, cause it's one month later practically and I still have the stupid things, although it is much much improved over, say, two weeks ago. But the point I am meandering over to is that you are totally able to take the 5 minutes of agony that is called a nic fit. You really can. If I can, then anyone can. I chain smoked through many of the 14 years of being a ciggie ho, and trust me it was not simple for me to quit. I had to warn my whole family that I wouldn't be smoking, and they all cringed, since they have experienced the cig free Loo quite a few times!! Don't worry on about it, just do it.

Johnsternow · 08-18-2005, 06:17 PM

GREAT JOB LUCI!!!!

I know what you mean about the addiction. If anything good came from me smoking it was that I realized how strong and serious addictions are. I could never sit in judgment of others who were addicted to other drugs and alcohol. I respected other things and substances so much that they scared me from ever touching them. I mean if you can’t even walk away from those stupid things why would you start something even more damaging? You make a great point!!!

Congratulations and keep it up. I hope you keep coming back and encouraging others too!!!

John