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Old 03-08-2007, 05:20 AM   #1
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tigerlilyx61 HB User
Friend bit my head off

OK I want to vent so bare with me. I am a reformed smoker. Just passed my 17 year mark. Like many of you I never thought I would be able to do it and to this day I chalk it up to being one of the hardest things I have EVER done in my life, if not the hardest. I am a student at my local CC and have become fairly good friends with this one girl who is currently trying to quit using chantrix. At class last night I overheard her saying she did not have the money to get her script filled so she was going to do w/o. And then the subject turned to stress and how smoking is a good stress reliever. To make a long story short I tried suggesting, nicely, that perhaps she could exercise to help relieve stress. She bit my head off. She did apologize after class and I am totally over that but part of me is frustrated/angry that people who smoke don't want to see the truth. I just want to shake her and say , "It's a mind game. You can't use cigarettes to help reduce stress if you are trying to quit! Duh. There is always going to be stress in your life." If you TRULY want to quit you will...because you, yourself, have the power to make that decision. I know I know. I shouldn't be so hard on her. I do give her credit for at least trying. I know it took me several attempts before I was successful. But my gripe is she doesn't want to hear the truth and then tries to turn it around on me. And I am serious when I say I said it nicely. Obviously or she wouldn't have apologized. I just feel sooo strongly about this. How does everyone on this board deal with well-meaning people? Are you accepting of the truth or do you get defensive like my friend did?

Last edited by Mod-S4; 03-09-2007 at 08:07 PM.

 
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Old 03-08-2007, 05:39 AM   #2
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Re: Friend bit my head off

I hate to say it but I've been on the other side and until you are ready to quit, you just don't want to hear it from someone else. Prior to quitting (yippee, 24 days), anytime someone said anything to me, I would 'get an attitude'. Damn, I knew all the reasons that I should quit; I knew (unbeknownst to anyone else) that I felt like CRAP but I felt trapped and afraid to even try to quit which put me obviously immediately on the DEFENSIVE. That's just how it is. People have to get ready on their own. I know you were just trying to help but I can look back (in the not so distant past) and see how defensive I got with people (even when I was 'thinking' about quiitting myself). One thing that may help your friend is reading the Easy Way to Quit Smoking by Allen Carr. HE explains how we got hooked to begin with and how to quit. I would NEVER have been able to quit with just the book but understanding in DETAIL how nicotine works was fascinating and eye opening! Maybe you could get it to her 'anonymously'.

Anyway, congrats on your own quit and just be there for your friend when/if she decides to quit. Oh and for what it's worth, Chantix is also sold in warehouses (Costco's, etc.) and a bit cheaper than the other stores; also Pfizer's website has a link to various ways to get the pill at a discount/free.

 
Old 03-08-2007, 09:03 AM   #3
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SanyBelle HB UserSanyBelle HB UserSanyBelle HB UserSanyBelle HB User
Re: Friend bit my head off

Quote:
Originally Posted by tigerlilyx61 View Post
At class last night I overheard her saying she did not have the money to get her script filled so she was going to do w/o.
Hi tigerlilyx61, what a good caring friend you are! My mother quit smoking about 15 years ago and nagged me to quit up until she died 10 years ago from heart disease and emphasema. I was totally defensive and nasty to her whenever she nagged. I do believe the smoker has to decide for themself when they will quit and until then you can't really reason with them (you should have asked me 10 months ago, I was unreasonable ).

You might ask her if chantix costs more than she spends on cigarettes each month.

 
Old 03-08-2007, 09:25 AM   #4
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True Brit HB User
Question Re: Friend bit my head off

Quote:
Originally Posted by tigerlilyx61 View Post
OK I want to vent so bare with me. I am a reformed smoker. Just passed my 17 year mark. Like many of you I never thought I would be able to do it and to this day I chalk it up to being one of the hardest things I have EVER done in my life, if not the hardest. I am in the nursing program at my local CC and have become fairly good friends with this one girl who is currently trying to quit using chantrix. At class last night I overheard her saying she did not have the money to get her script filled so she was going to do w/o. And then the subject turned to stress and how smoking is a good stress reliever. To make a long story short I tried suggesting, nicely, that perhaps she could exercise to help relieve stress. She bit my head off. She did apologize after class and I am totally over that but part of me is frustrated/angry that people who smoke don't want to see the truth. I just want to shake her and say , "It's a mind game. You can't use cigarettes to help reduce stress if you are trying to quit! Duh. There is always going to be stress in your life." If you TRULY want to quit you will...because you, yourself, have the power to make that decision. I know I know. I shouldn't be so hard on her. I do give her credit for at least trying. I know it took me several attempts before I was successful. But my gripe is she doesn't want to hear the truth and then tries to turn it around on me. And I am serious when I say I said it nicely. Obviously or she wouldn't have apologized. I just feel sooo strongly about this. How does everyone on this board deal with well-meaning people? Are you accepting of the truth or do you get defensive like my friend did?
One of the things that non smokers and long time quitters forget is that we are dealing with drug addiction here. An addict is quite unable to behave in a logical way. That is why quitting is probably the hardest thing most ex smokers have ever done. BUT, there are literally millions of successful quitters out there who can't even remember why they ever needed to smoke and that thought keeps me going through tough days. The difference between the many soon to be successful quitters on this board and your friend is that we have decided, to quote Memaw, that smoking is no longer an option. When we start saying things like we can't afford a medication that really doesn't cost any more than smoking, we know we are in trouble and just looking for an excuse to start again.

 
Old 03-08-2007, 11:06 AM   #5
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Kevin__ HB User
Re: Friend bit my head off

They say people hurt the ones they love the most. It sounds like you sure have been a good friend to her so far. It also sounds like she is struggling internally with this decision. She seems to really need your support right now. I suggest no further discussion about smoking with her. If she brings up the subject and is frustrated about it, then I recommend you ask "How can I help?" - and mean it.

My two cents...

Kevin__

 
Old 03-08-2007, 12:08 PM   #6
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True Brit HB User
Re: Friend bit my head off

Oooohhhh, can I have you as my friend, you're soooo nice

Last edited by Administrator; 06-05-2011 at 10:25 PM.

 
Old 03-08-2007, 12:20 PM   #7
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tigerlilyx61 HB User
Re: Friend bit my head off

Thanks for all the replies. paulagizmo thank you for your suggestions on the book and getting the chantrix in warehouses.

Kevin...I did tell her after she apologized that I was sorry too and I knew it was a touchy subject and I was not going to bring it up anymore but if she wanted to talk I was here for her. I honestly don't know if that is a good idea though because if she wants to talk and then starts making excuses I might be inclined to say something again. It is hard for me to keep my mouth shut

Last edited by Administrator; 06-05-2011 at 10:25 PM.

 
Old 03-08-2007, 01:16 PM   #8
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CTYankee HB User
Re: Friend bit my head off

I know all the years I was too weak to quit, the last thing I wanted to hear was someone telling me I should quit. Unless someone lives in a cave they know why they should quit and prefer not to be reminded. The only thing anyone can do is let them know that they will be there for them.

Cheers

 
Old 03-09-2007, 10:55 AM   #9
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Memaw649 HB User
Re: Friend bit my head off

Hi tigerlily,
As much as we non smokers would like to help others that haven't quit yet, it is just not possible to do that unless THEY ask for the help or advice. When I was smoking, people would offer me all kinds of advice. I would never,ever be rude to someone, but I would be thinking of being rude! It just sound like she is not completely ready to quit yet. Knows she should, but unwilling to make the sacrafice. Just be there for her when she does get ready. You sound like a wonderful friend. She is lucky to have someone that cares.

Memaw

 
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