Sorry I have not posted in awhile. I sure have missed all of you. I have been out of town attending technical training related to work for some time now. Just got back this week and have been trying to play catch-up ever since. I'm rather brain-dead at the moment...
Actually, I am doing pretty well, all said and told. I have been quit for three months, one week, five days, 17 hours, 39 minutes and 2 seconds. 4623 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,039.77. Life saved: 2 weeks, 2 days, 1 hour, 15 minutes. I really hate looking at the number of cigarettes not smoked. Still can not believe I smoked that much. Looks pretty awful, doesn't it.
I started weening off of Chantix by cutting back to 1/2 pill in the morning and 1/2 pill in the evening for about two weeks. Then I cut back to 1/2 pill a day about two weeks ago. Not sure if I want to quit Chantix altogether next week or continue with 1/2 pill a day as maintenance. I guess I just have not figured out what I want to do yet and will follow my instincts. I was absolutely amazed that the 1/2 pill a day still makes me real spacey!!!
I have officially put on 15 pounds since I quit and am not happy with that at all. I have got to pay more attention to what I'm eating. The extra weight really seemed to come out of no where - very, very, gradually over the past three months.
While weening off, I had occasional periods of depression, though not as long and as severe as True Brit used to describe. Knowing that it might happen while weening off of Chantix helped me to simply "shake it off" by getting busy with something else. It was so much easier to deal with when you understand it is no more than a withdrawal symptom. I also had a few long and strong cravings out of the clear blue, but nothing that lasted for too long. I have also caught myself watching other smokers on the street taking long drags on their cigarettes and inhaling the fresh spring air, and wondering what I left behind. But then I take a couple of deep long breaths of spring air like I have not been able to breathe in over 35 years of smoking. I remind myself that I was slowly suffocating, losing lung capacity, unable to yawn, always out of breath - all because of that expensive addiction. I guess I just keep confirming to myself that I really do have it much better now that I have quit. Seems I am able to breathe deeper day by day. I don't know how to describe it other than to say I really enjoy taking a deep full breath of spring air more
than I used to like cigarette smoke. I can not believe how that stupid addiction used to mask the smoke and how it made you feel all was right in the world, when in fact it was all a farce and I could barely breath over time. Denial...
NOW!!! About those dreams...
I don't know if I am experiencing this due to the slow weening off of Chantix that I have subjected myself to - or not. However, lately I have been dreaming that I actually went back to smoking full time - all night long. I dream of past days and I'm smoking again. I wake up in the morning so incredibly disappointed with myself. I can even smell smoke in the room, even though it is not there. Then I just groan, no, no, no, it was all a dream silly. Now it is one thing to say you are going to make a new life without cigarettes and make that happen in your life. It is quite another to make new dreams without cigarettes and make that happen in your life. I just keep laughing at myself and telling myself "it's just a phase" that I'll get over soon.
Sorry for the long rant, however I'll end this with some good news. I accomplished my dream of quitting smoking before turning 50 last week. Never thought I could do it. Don't ever want to go through that smoking thing ever again. I sure am proud of myself.
Thanks to all of you for asking about me. I sure do appreciate and miss all of you.