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Old 07-21-2007, 03:44 PM   #1
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bevann26 HB Userbevann26 HB Userbevann26 HB User
hate myself, starting smoking again

i had been smoke free since 6/25, then on thurs. nite i bought cigs, and have been smoking since. hubby started up again when i did also.
i know this is no excuse, but, there was a really bad confrontation and fight in my family. we had a 3 hr. drive home and i was in bad shape mentally, so, i had hubby stop at first store and buy cigs. well, instead of a pack, he bought us each a carton(which was how we always bought cigs before).
i am still taking the chantix and they don't taste very good, so i'm smoking less.
i made the statement that i will quit again when i run out.
i desperately want to stop smoking again, but am finding it hard to quit until they are gone.
any help, suggestions, etc., anybody??
thanks, bevann

 
Old 07-21-2007, 04:43 PM   #2
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jeanusa HB User
Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

Hi Bevann, Just throw them away, it is still cheaper in the long run. #1 you will not stop if you have a carton, you will just continue to buy more. You have been on this board long enough to know that your not thinking right. I don't mean to be disrepectful but you know what it takes. Don't look for excuses. I am keeping my faith in you.

Let me know how you are doing (and that is an order LOL )

Jean

 
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Old 07-21-2007, 06:39 PM   #3
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duttin HB Userduttin HB User
Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

Bevann,

Just throw them away,you were doing so good.
You and hubby were threw the worst part.Don't beat yourself up,you can just start over and you and hubby can have a new beginning.

Just be strong and we are here for you.

 
Old 07-22-2007, 06:02 AM   #4
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Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

I know how you feel! I quit for seven months, had a really stressfull two weeks, guess what I started doing again? That's right smoking! You are not the only one. I am feeling like a weak human right about now. But what everyone here is saying is right, time to dust ourselves off and start again ( UGH ) I pray we both find the strengh we both need to stop this again! I wish you the best of luck, let us know what is going on. Thanks for posting, I am so glad I am not alone with starting again.

 
Old 07-22-2007, 06:57 AM   #5
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velveeta HB User
Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

I believe in tough love ladies and gents so here it goes. You must really like going thru those withdrawals to have to do it over again. Personally I do not ever want to repeat that. That is a road I want to stay off. You apparently were not committed to the quit. When you are you will succeed. That cigarette changes nothing but the amount of days you get to live! Changes nothing. The stress, the problems, the confrontations, the blowups. When my mom died 5 days into my quit I did not pick up a cigarette and I am glad I did'nt. I was as strong as she said I always had been and I proved that to myself. I watched other family members after she died just smoking their brains out and ya know what? They did not feel better, they did not cry any less. We are always going to have the mammoth stress and that cig is going to try and get back into your good graces. Don't do it. Everyone of you can get up dust off those knees and do it for real. The worst was over! I gave cigarettes credit for what I was and could not see it. I am calm, I thought cigs made me calm. I am strong, I thought the cigs made me strong, I am brave and thought the cigs made me brave. I smoked for so long I thought those cigarettes gave me the power to do anything. I was so wrong! The power is in me and I just showed those cigarettes who is the boss. I like the power and it is still day to day because I will not underestimate the power of nicotine but I know I am stronger than That! Please love yourself enough to quit once and for all, that is all I am trying to say. I want you all to suceed! I am sorry if I have offended anyone.

 
Old 07-22-2007, 01:26 PM   #6
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Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

thanks to all of you....jenni, i know we both feel the same in this fallback. are you still smoking?
velveeta, you did'nt offend me, all your words were straight to the point, and very true.
i know i need to get rid of the rest of the carton, i also know that hubby won't get rid of them (that money thing). my breathing is bad again, it started last nite. i needed to take something at about 2am to help me, but still did'nt get to sleep til after 4. my heartburn/indigestion is back also.
i am really trying to get my will power up and throw them away!
thanks for all the good wishes, good luck to you jenni! keep us posted, ok?
anyone else here that fell off the wagon i would like to hear from, and how you handled it. i just really need all the advice i can get right now!
thanks....bevann

 
Old 07-22-2007, 01:39 PM   #7
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SHARON1952 HB UserSHARON1952 HB User
Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

hi if you look at my posts you will see the same with me i smoked 40 years and had stopped 9 weeks then i was under severe stress and smoked a ton in 2 days the third day i stopped again i just threw them in the bin that was 2 days ago go on you can do it

 
Old 07-23-2007, 05:50 AM   #8
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EvonneMCFC HB User
Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

I gave up for 3 months, like you, I had a family crisis which brought me back to smoking I am on my first day of quit yet again after 2 weeks of smoking, which made me feel worse, breathing, smelling horrible, less money etc........

This board helped me in the past and I'm sure they will help us now. Just keep us posted and together we all will beat the nicodemon.

Evonne

 
Old 07-23-2007, 06:33 AM   #9
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velveeta HB User
Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

Love yourself enough to keep trying. It can be done! When you get a craving take a dollar bill out of your pocket and just set it on fire. Do this every time. Or lick a filthy ashtray! Do whatever it takes!

 
Old 07-23-2007, 07:29 AM   #10
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duttin HB Userduttin HB User
Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

Velveeta,

I enjoy reading your post,they seem to hit home.And if licking a filthy ash tray don't cure someone of smoking nothing will.(24 days smoke free).

 
Old 07-24-2007, 05:28 AM   #11
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Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

Hi everyone

Wondering how it is going for you Bevann? I have just about stopped! Not really liking how my body is feeling again. Still can't believe after 7 months I started again. Velveeta, what you said is so true. I wish I did not give into that demon. I am going to remember those words in the future. I know by the end of the week I will be smoke free again. I am finally feeling the mind set again. Hope this finds you all well.

 
Old 07-26-2007, 08:17 PM   #12
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marian100 HB User
Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

Don't beat yourself up. I stopped for 4 1/2 months and then anxiety hit and I started again. I smoked for 2 months and stopped last Aug 1st. When the anxiety hit this last May I went back on the patch rather than smoke. Right now I am off the patch and off the cigarettes. Aug 1st will be a year. You can do this. Godbless

 
Old 07-27-2007, 01:12 PM   #13
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Skimmer HB User
Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

WOW! 7 months smoke-free, and you started up again? I just can't do that! I'm only 6 months into my quit, and I can't imagine picking them up again, but if I do, I will just make myself get back on track and put them down and quit again.

You have to want to quit bad enough to stay quit. Buying a carton of cigs tells me that your hubby wasn't ready to give it up totally. You must want to quit or else you never will.....

 
Old 07-27-2007, 06:31 PM   #14
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Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

Well, here's another one that lost the battle. quit date was 5/29/07. Was on Chantix that helped with the cravings, didn't work miracles but helped. I was feeling good and pretty proud of myself since I smoked for over 40 years. One night I got in the hot tub and in less than 5 minutes, my head started pounding, my chest started pounding, got out of hot tub. When I went to bed I thought my head and chest were going to explode. Managed to get thru it but have felt bad ever since. Went to dr, he first increased my xanax and gave me a beta blocker for heart. Went back 2 weeks later because still wasn't feeling well. Had a stress echocardiogram done today and they said it looked good but will get final results on Mon. I've just had to have a cig. Had 2 a day for last couple of days. Funny thing is they make me feel worse and even then after I put it out, I immediately want another one. I really am a weak person and I know this is really going to disappoint my kids, sister and boss. I sure wish it didn't have such a control on me.
Thanks for letting me vent. I have no one to talk to about this. I am so upset with myself and my whole situation.

Last edited by MommaBryant; 07-27-2007 at 06:33 PM.

 
Old 08-02-2007, 11:15 AM   #15
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Skimmer HB User
Re: hate myself, starting smoking again

MommaBryant - dont' beat yourself up over it. You are trying to quit, and whatever or however long it takes, so what. If you have to try 50 times, try 50 times, it might just be that 50th time that does it!! I know what you mean about the heart palpatations and head throbbing - my sister had those same symptoms - and actually, we only took the drug for a couple of weeks because none of us like the side effects - so we just quit taking it and didn't smoke - and we did just fine.....

So keep the faith, keep up the good work, and the good attitudes and you can do it!!!

 
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