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Old 08-21-2007, 06:26 AM   #1
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PumpkinSeed HB UserPumpkinSeed HB User
omg the urge is SO BAD!

well. not as bad as without taking chantix.

i'm starting my fourth tobaccoless day today. and it's really kind of driving me nuts. i have tried to quit cold turkey and within hours i can usually rationalize a reason to buy a pack of smokes, then just go back to smoking again like i never quit in the first place.

right now it's kind of like that, but it's taken three days to get here.

i have many reasons and excuses right now why i want to buy a pack.

i'm eating like crazy and TERRIFIED of gaining weight. maybe i should wait until i lose the weight before quitting... then at least if i gain i won't be as big as if i gained now. (because i'm magically going to lose 80 lbs in a few months, after trying to for 10 years - with a food addiction and eating disorder i haven't dealt with)

i worked a few night shifts and my days and nights are really mixed up right now, and it's stressful..so maybe i should get a pack and have a smoke because that will help me to relax and sleep. (because we all know tobacco is a sleeping pill, energy pill, and basic life organizing unit we all need to function in daily life)

maybe i'm just not 'ready' and should put this on hold till i am.(who is ever perfectly 'ready'... i hate that one. i know lots of people decide one day.. well...i am just gonna quit, and do. they are made of serious balls. i can only pray to be half that strong!)

(this is my favorite) i will just buy a pack. because i'm on chantix, i won't want to smoke them, and then i will just cut down because before i was smoking a pack a day, surely smoking 4 or 5 a day isn't so bad right? so i s hould go buy that pack RIGHT NOW and just have one. then maybe have one again when the craving gets out of hand again. (this is the one that i can always use to talk myself into buying a pack. and where do i end up? lol... BACK TO SMOKING!)

******

okay, all these 'excuses' in my head mean one thing
FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

i'm just writing these out so i can see how ridiculous it is to make this crap up on myself and then set myself up to fail.

i haven't smoked 112 cigs and saved 56 dollars since i quit. (10 bucks a pack)
i'm getting healthier. soon i will be able to make it up the stairs without laying down in a gasping attack and rapid heartbeat moment. my young children aren't going to stink like smoke when they go to school and suffer with the second hand smoke. i won't stink.

i just need to write this out. i need support that i'm making the right choice. i've always failed at things. i set myself up for failure. quitting smoking this time means so much more to me that you know. it would be the first success (besides having great kids and finishing school) that i have done for myself. and i have so many more goals i want to reach for self improvement.

i decided to reinvent myself over the course of a year. i started in april. i have made some progress in certain ways but this is a biggie. so is losing weight. i really want to succeed at this.

any words of encouragement would really be awesome.

Last edited by PumpkinSeed; 08-21-2007 at 06:34 AM.

 
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Old 08-21-2007, 08:04 AM   #2
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Re: omg the urge is SO BAD!

DEJAVU....you sound like my carbon copy...guess what.. I am on day 20 and so glad i made it because it REALLY does get easier..

Make up some kind of mind game to play with yourself..I know it feels like it will never get better for you but it does.

I used to read post about people quitting on days other then the 8th day and I would tell myself that I need to go back to smoking to do it the way they did because I thought my cravings were torture.

Pumpkin, You can do this..I am doing major rehaul on myself also and can't wait for smoking to not be an issue so I can start on my next project in myself. If you smoke that will b just one more thing sitting on your list of changes. Don't you want to check smoking off the list..

It's tough I know, but we are tough. When feeling weak, read my old post you will see that I too had a very hard time and am here to tell you that what you are going through is so worth it to finally for the first time since being a kid that cigs are not ruling my mind and everything I do..good luck ...stay strong and stay on these boards it always helped me..

 
Old 08-21-2007, 08:36 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: omg the urge is SO BAD!

Pumpkin, you are doing so good!!! That urge is a mental one now. The nicotine is out of your system. It is really mental from this point forward and every day gets a little easier.

Try not to think long term. Just today. Get through today. I KNOW you can make it one day without a smoke. Deal with tomorrow tomorrow.

I was pretty scared of gaining weight, too, until I saw a video floating around on the net of a woman dying of lung cancer. Her son put it together over the last eight months or so of her life. She was young, in her 50s. Her son weeping over her dead body is a LOT more terrifying than putting on a few pounds.

And think about what it is you're scared of about the weight. Is it vanity? Is it the expense of having to buy a new wardrobe? Is it the social stigma that's now associated with being overweight? Is it the fear that overeating might become an addiction for you?

If any of these strike a chord for you, ask yourself if smoking would be better for yourself. Do you think smoking makes a woman attractive? Do you think you smell good and feel good after a cigarette? Do you envision yourself being an older woman, embarking on your "golden years" with a smoke hanging out of your mouth? How about wrinkles, puffy eyes and yellow fingernails?

Okay ... we got vanity down. I know I'll personally take weight. Plus, after quitting smoking, dieting is a cake walk.

Expense of gaining weight -- look at it as shopping with the money you're saving from not smoking.

Social stigma of putting on a few pounds ... not sure how it is up in Canada, but here in FL, smokers are not welcome anywhere. Smoking sections are now outside, away from where it's "cool" to be. Our favorite trendy French bistro, upscale, in the swanky part of town put its smoking section outside, behind the restaurant, by the dumpsters. Overweight folks are invited inside to enjoy the air-conditioning and the atmosphere.

Again, the majority of folks believe smoking is disgusting. And the majority of folks are overweight.

You're going to need to play some mind games with yourself here. The physical addiction is over, and the Chantix will help with the severity of the urges. But you will still have urges. You really need to focus on what your motivations were to make you go get that prescription, fill it and make it through the worst part of your quit.

Another thing that helped me not run up to the store and buy a pack: I don't ever EVER want to have to go through those first three days again. Ever. If I never take another puff, I won't have to do that. So don't do it! It sounds like you hated these past few days. Every day will get a little better (take it one day at a time).

Hope something here helped. Sometimes we need a rah-rah cheerleader; sometimes we need some "tough love;" sometimes we need over-rationalization. I tried to include a bit of everything here, a "sampler," if you will, lol.

 
Old 08-21-2007, 05:27 PM   #4
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DannDees HB User
Re: omg the urge is SO BAD!

steno....where the heck you been? oh was it already the anniversary? anyways I really missed reading your great post. You are very much needed around here so don't disappear for too long.

I am having problem with getting something done..I am so darn lazy and I swear it feels like I need the cig for energy. Daily I think about smoking one just so I can clean my house. the cig was my reward after each chore so I now have to figure out way around this problem..

I do dishes every night because I have fear of bugs and it takes everything I got to get those done..grrrrrr I hate a mess so this is a huge challenge for me. could this be depression? I don't feel sad like I did but isn't lazy a symptom also?..lol, man so much to go through to just quit smoking...

how long are you quit now and how often do the craving come now?

glad to see you are still with us...have a great day...

 
Old 08-21-2007, 07:48 PM   #5
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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hotdam HB User
Re: omg the urge is SO BAD!

Hey Dee, I am having good days, yes it has been 20 days for us, actually I have more energy and can clean my house than I did before, do you take a multivitamin? if not try Centrum works for me. I am not sure if what you are going through is a form of depression it sounds like it is, talk to the doc about it they may be able to help with it so you can get your energy back and not have to think about a cig when you do your housework.

 
Old 08-21-2007, 09:45 PM   #6
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PumpkinSeed HB UserPumpkinSeed HB User
Re: omg the urge is SO BAD!

wooT! YEAH you guys this is the kind of support. lol. you all rock. love the reasons and the rah rahs!

i read somewhere that having a 'support system' really helped your chances of staying a quitter. i was thinking, like, well im not going to any kind of support groups around town, who knows if there is even any? then i realized that just COMING to this board and reading OTHER peoples stories even and the POSITIVE feedback people are getting is really helping me with this.

i worked this evening. just got home. STILL SMOKE FREE! my supper and coffee breaks were HARD. my buddies went out for smokes, i didnt feel strong enough to go out with them yet so i hung out with the non smoking girls! might make some new friends even! i feel kinda sad right now i'm not with the 'huddled out in the back stinking myself up' group anymore. hehe. it does feel kind of like a loss.

maybe tomorrow i will have a funeral for habit. something very symbolic. to acknowledge the smoker i was that 'died' and then have a big 'rebirth' day soon and celebrate the non smoker i've become. (and i will defo have some extra money to spend on those celebrations now i have quit)

wooo HOO! again!

Last edited by PumpkinSeed; 08-21-2007 at 09:46 PM.

 
Old 08-22-2007, 06:12 AM   #7
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: omg the urge is SO BAD!

Still here, Dee! Work was nuts last week and now this week I'm playing catch up. Not the anniversary yet -- next month

Re: the energy (hopefully our OP will get some benefit out of this, too, as I think it hits everyone at some point), mine's down, too. It seems to be an ebb and flow thing. I can be fine for a few days and then, boom, even putting a few dishes in the dishwasher seems like a huge chore.

Like Hotdam mentioned, do you take a daily vitamin? I'd been taking One-A-Day, and my pharmacist actually told me not to buy multivitamins at the drugstore or grocery store; to get the "heavy artillery" from a health food type of store. After getting over the sticker shock of the price difference, I must say I feel a lot better.

I think, too, you're going to have to figure out new "rewards" to replace the smokes. I was a chain smoker, so I always had a smoke lit somewhere (the reward for me was not forgetting about it and burning something), but I could see where you could implement a few new things. How about a sugar-free lollipop as a reward? Or coming here, to another support site? Speaking of the computer, I always had a little mindless video game minimized on my computer for when I had to kill a few minutes -- I would have smoked during those times before I quit. Solitaire or some easy card game, a word game, a puzzle game, just whatever you like that you can come and go from easily.

Word of caution: The computer doesn't do much for motivation, lol.

The hubby & I also broke out a jigsaw puzzle -- a huge one that took a while to put together. We rarely entertain this time of year in the "formal" dining room, so we just put out all the pieces on the dining room table and would work on it here and there. It's a great way to kill a few minutes, take your mind off a crave or break up the routine/habit of smoking triggers.

You could also use this time to take up a completely new hobby or interest, something that you can do at home that would serve as that reward that the smokes used to. I started an herb garden in my kitchen. I bought a little book that I keep in there so I can learn about what I'm doing, and it's also helped me with cooking -- fresh herbs taste good!!! This was new for me, relatively inexpensive to at least just try, but I'm sure you can think of something similar that would suit yourself.

Way to go, BTW, on 20 (?) days! I just hit my 13-week mark yesterday. Actually, I think my "three-month" mark is today. I smoked my last stacker on Tuesday, 5/22. Today's the 22nd, isn't it? Boy, time flies

Craves are really gone. I quit with Chantix, started it on 5/7 and ended on 6/22. It's more getting used to life as a nonsmoker. There are times I get "antsy," like I want or need something, but I can't put my finger on what it is. I know it's not a smoke that I want/need, but there are times where I feel like something is missing and I can't figure out what to stick in the void. I'm working on it, tho

 
Old 08-22-2007, 06:16 AM   #8
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: omg the urge is SO BAD!

Pumpkin, you've got such a great attitude! I love the rebirth idea! This is what I mean when I say it's mental from around day 3 forward. You can either focus on the "death," what you used to be, what's missing ... or you can turn those tables right around and see the same things as positives, i.e., the rebirth, the "new" you and how to appreciate that new you.

I believe you will be very successful in your quit

 
Old 08-26-2007, 01:35 AM   #9
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PumpkinSeed HB UserPumpkinSeed HB User
Re: omg the urge is SO BAD!

one week one day 19 hours.

lol. i found a cigarette today in my house, i sat there and exchanged glances nostalgically with it for hours. finally i lit the damn thing. took about four drags, ceremoniously went outside and destroyed the hell out of the rest of it. spit about six times, threw up a little bit in my mouth, made funny whining grossed out noises, and shoved four peices of gum in my mouth.

i'm gaining weight though. gonna keep fighting that. it's SUPER hard at night! i need to get my butt off the computer. i just binge at night while i'm reading things.

Last edited by PumpkinSeed; 08-26-2007 at 01:36 AM.

 
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