well folks, i've been smoke free for 13 days now. this has been as hard as i thought it would be in my worse nightmares.
haha, which may sound horrible, but at least its not WORSE than what i thought it would be =) thats the one good thing about quiting, its general not worse than you'd imagine it to be
i was doing really good around day 10 or so and then suddenly BAM i've got the flu. this is soooo frustrating.
it was all i could do not to buy a pack of smokes today. i just want to feel 'normal' again, to feel just moderately healthy again.
but i continue to remind myself that this is the price of a 14 year addiction. and more importantly, whatever the price, its a price i'm going to have to pay either now or later - but it will have to be paid.
thats what kept me from quiting for 14 years, the thought of 'i need cigarettes right now in life. i can't cope with withdrawal right now. i'll quit next year.'
so despite the fact that im a total wreck basically 2 weeks after smoking my last cigarette, i'm going to continue on with my cold turkey quit.
im just keeping my fingers crossed that somehow i can keep holding on and eventually turn a corner where life feels 'ok' even though im not smoking.