Hi there. Congratulations on your quit
First, don't do anything crazy!!!! Your family would be devastated. You must know deep down you can't hurt them this way.
Regarding the way you feel, can I ask how long you smoked? Was smoking a part of half of your life or more?
Now, I'm no corporate or pharma apologist. Far from it. You can even look at my prior posts and see how I feel about pharma/huge corporations taking advantage of consumers. But ... I know people who have quit smoking cold turkey and say the exact same things you are years after they've quit.
Some say cigarettes contain agents which basically anaesthetize us -- to keep us out of doctors' offices for regular aches and pains associated with aging and life's wear and tear. You quit smoking, you start feeling those aches and pains.
I'm sure you know that quitting smoking can and does affect metabolism. When I was a young smoker, if I needed to lose a few pounds, all I did was watched what I ate for a few months. As a middle-aged ex-smoker (female, too), even if I eat clean and count every calorie, if I don't exercise daily -- just a brisk walk or bike ride for 30 or so minutes -- I will gain weight. Is this from a drug I took three years ago for several months? Possibly. Is it probable, though, knowing how many millions of people quit smoking before you and I, quit cold turkey or with nicotine replacements products, and have the exact same issues you speak of?
Speaking of exercise, are you getting enough? I'm not talking intense weight lifting or snowboarding. I'm just talking about a daily endorphin rush. Remember, your brain would get a happy fix every hour as a smoker. Have you replaced that with things like exercise and/or meditation?
I'm a believer that most smokers have underlying anxiety and/or depressive symptoms. Not because we're smokers, but because smoking alleviates symptoms that would get our butts into a doctor's office in order to address anxiety/depression. Have you seen a physician for how you're feeling? And I say this assuming you've exhausted all holistic approaches for the way you've been feeling.
Anyway, sorry if I've rambled. No, you're definitely not alone. Ex-smokers do feel a lot of the things you've described, no matter how we quit. I'll bet alcoholics do, too, and any other addict trying to stay on the wagon so to speak.
Just remember it's more than just quitting smoking. You've got some replacing to do. Think of all the things a cigarette did for you, physiologically as well as mentally. You have to replace those things to stay quit, even years later.