rangi26964

i am a 38 year old woman and have been smoking since i was 13 years old. i would like to stop smoking. . .again. 6years ago i stopped for 6mths when i lived with an aunt. she was really helpful and i didnt have the withdrawal symptoms. when i moved away, i started smoking again. then a couple of years ago was living with my friend and her husband and stopped smoking using the nicoderm patches. things were going fine for a couple of months until the husband made a pass at me and i started smoking again. three months ago i tried a different patch which left a red rash. i thought that was normal for the first day but when the rash didnt go away after five days, i took the patch off and decided to go cold turkey. i was fine until the nicotene wore off and the feeling that i had was something that i had never experienced before. my mind was having all kinds of crazy thoughts, then i didnt know what to do, then i asked myself what do i do, so i put on a stop smoking relaxation tape, laid down on the floor and ended up going to sleep. i think that was a panic attack, or anxiety. went to the doctor to see about my rash, was allergic to the adhesive in patch and i asked about zyban. found out that i couldnt use it because of past seizures and the other antidepressant that could possibly help, i wasnt able to get because i wasnt depressed enough. was going to a stop smoking group but i was looking for a stop smoking buddy. so is there anybody out there who would like to buddy up with me - someone that knows about withdrawal symptoms, the panic and anxiety attacks. someone to walk with and encourage me through the withdrawal stage. i am afraid of the me that i become going cold turkey, not suicidal or anything like that, just crazy thoughts and the feeling in my body like its having a tantrum. the other part of the equation is that i am also afraid of someone else seeing or knowing that i can be like that. thanks for your replies. is it a good idea to buddy up with someone or do i have to do this alone???