Appt. with Neuro on Friday! Nervous and anxious, scared of more surgery,need support
Hello everyone,
I will be having an appointment with my neurologist on Friday.
We will be discussing what the diskogram showed and what my options are.
In the past we have talked about the possibility of Fusion or of an ADR (artificial disc replacement)
You guys, I am really scared! I have been through so much in the last few years and the thought of more surgery, especially on my neck, is frightening to me.
One of the biggest things I am afraid of is the doctor wanting to do a Fushion on my neck. They have not approved the ADR for multiple levels in the US that I know of.
I would rather have the ADR at multiple levels because if it does not work out they can fuse later. If he does a fusion now there is no going back after that.
I know that all these thoughts are like "FUTURE TRIPPING" but I am only human and I can't help but feel this way.
Lately I have been very tearful and sad. I feel as if I am going around with a smile on my face when inside I am torn up. I feel trapped and held back form the rest of my life. I still hold hope of going to the nursing program, but I am really sad when I hear of all my friends who I have been in school with for 3 years, going on to the next thing. Some have been accepted into the nursing program and some are now working as CNA's or Lab Techs.
Meanwhile I feel totally stagnant.
In a perfect world if I had to have surgery I would love to get it done next week and then recover with 30% or more of my pain decreased. But we know the risks of surgeries and then on top of that multiple spinal surgeries.
I am scared of the direction of my life, or the lack there of!
I spend the highest prices a person could pay on prescription meds and I am drowning in the cost of trying to manage my pain.
I just want to move forward and it does not seem like its happening. Every week I feel like I am getting worse. Today I could barley roll over in my bed to get up this morning.
Very scared and very sad. I know you all will post and it will give me the much needed little boost of hope that I feel I need at the moment.
I do have FAITH that some greater good will come from all the suffering and pain I have endured, I am just uncertain of when, and that is the hardest part.
Thanks for all of you. You guys really are some of the best and kindest supportive people I know.
Lately I have been receiving some s*** from others in my life who do not understand the severity of my neck problems and the pain that it causes. I get frustrated and sad about it.
Re: Appt. with Neuro on Friday! Nervous and anxious, scared of more surgery,need sup
Chrissy,
How I wish I could just give you a big hug and you could just get all the tears out.
I can't feel your pain, but I can hear it, and it sounds awful. No one can avoid "future tripping." At least I can't. I'm doing the same thing with my Friday appointment coming so fast.
I don't know about your state, but in CA a CP patient, or any patient in pain, is not required to undergo any procedures to remain in PM care and use PM meds. One has the right to say no to surgery and continue treatment as is. Not that you want your situation to remain unchanged, but do you have this right? If you are unsure, but would like to know, look up your state's pain policies. They shouldn't be too hard to find. In CA we have what's referred to as the Pain Patient's Bill of Rights, where all this is spelled out.
I feel especially tender towards those with back, neck and spine pain. I have only experienced brief episodes of such pain and I just don't know how I'd handle it if it were my problem. You all suffer so much. And it is so all-encompasing.
I once dove off of a boulder at a nice lake near Lake Tahoe, only to find that the water was much more shallow than I thought. I immediately hit my chin and chest on the bottom. For many hours I was unable to move from the abdomen upwards. Not much pain, but totally paralyzed. This eventually passed, but now, whenever my back does hurt, it's always in the center of my back a few inches below my shoulder blades. I just hate it when it goes out, but it's only a few days and I'm sure nowhere near the level of pain you suffer.
Now you, Diet and I all have critical appointments on Friday. Let's keep each other in prayer and post soon thereafter to share what actually happened. OK?
Re: Appt. with Neuro on Friday! Nervous and anxious, scared of more surgery,need sup
Hey Steve,
Thanks for the encouragemnet. That must have been so scarry to be partially paralyzed. I could not even imagine.
As far as I know I do have the right to refuse any surgeries or treatments. I have never had any issues with any of that.
I just called the prescrition company to see why I pay $230.00 for 160 generit 10/325 percocet. They say the normal cost is $320.00 and that I am getting a discount. How awful is that. Thats only one of my meds.
I swear I about cried on the phone but refrained from doing so.
In a little while I am going to call my attorney and see where we are on the case and ask him a few questions. I know he was waiting for a written explanation from my Neuro as to the future care for my neck since I had the discogram done. I will see the neuro on Friday.
Today is one of those days when I just feell like being alone. I just have a hard time looking at others on a tearful day becaues I fell like they can see I am unhappy all over my face.
Sreve, if you read again...what is your doc appt. for? Refresh my memory?
Re: Appt. with Neuro on Friday! Nervous and anxious, scared of more surgery,need sup
Chrissy,
I can understand how scare you are; this is a very normal respond to unknown...
I know that surgery is not a walk in a park; the only thing I would like you to do is to have positive outlook. Don't be afraid just because you read so many negative posts here. Just remember that people who have sucsessful stories to tell us - they are not here. They out and about while ago and don't have to come here looking for advices or sharing their "painfull" story like some of us do.
Make sure your Spinal Ortho has fellowship in Spinal surgery and has many years of experience doing spinal surgeries. If you leave low life quality due to pain and limitations, of course you try to fix situation and surgery is the option. Unfortunatelly for some of us takes longer to heal, more complications down the road, but this doesn't mean you will have problems too.
So don't get discouraged or scared just because of someone else's experience..
I wish you all the best..
Take good care
Moldova
Re: Appt. with Neuro on Friday! Nervous and anxious, scared of more surgery,need sup
Chrissy my darlin'....I am hugging you right now as I type this. I am so very sorry you are having this fear and pain and uncertainty. I wish I could take some of it away and carry it myself. What I can do is pray and send you good thoughts, and that is exactly what I am doing and will continue to do.
I can't advise you to have surgery or not, but I hope you can get the answers you need on Friday. If the answers are not satisfactory or you feel that the neuro is not giving you all of the options available, please see another neuro. We are all entitled to second or even third or more opinions. While too many differing opinions can also be even more confusing, it at least gives you options from which to choose.
As far as Nursing School goes, if it is meant to be, then it will be, in the time frame that it is meant to happen. If for some reason, this gets to a point where it is not an option, then there are many other things that you can pursue. You have so much to offer. You are bright and enthusiastic and so very compassionate. I know there is a plan in place for you. And I believe that plan will come to you.
Please know that I am here for you and will pray for peace and resolution for you. If there is anything else that I can do, please just let me know. Give yourself permission to be sad for today. When we fight it, it just comes back again. God knows you are in pain right now and I know in my heart He will send you comfort. He takes His time sometimes, but he always comes through in the long run.
God bless you and keep you in His loving arms, CMP/MM ((((((Chrissy))))))
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