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Old 05-31-2012, 08:37 PM   #1
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pressure from others that you are healed since you had surgery

anyone else getting pressure and friends and family thinking and pushing you to resume normal actvities? I had never had surgery before and am a very strong willed person, thus I tend to push myself, I was also very athletic and around the "no pain no gain" attitude. I fear that it may be not the best thing to PUSH myself, but am perseived as a whimp. Ive had friends etc w/ acl,shoulder, and lumbar surgery, but not sure if it is comparable to ACDF 567?
Am I a whimp, should i continue to participate in all the actvities everyone wants me to? I really just want to rest......I also was a caregiver for my former fiance (cancer) for 3 years and worked full time thus had to put myself on hold..
is the no pain no gain philosopy something I should continue?
I was at a family gathering and was treated as if I was being difficult askng for a chair with a back at the dinner table or a pillow....the expectations of the results of the surgery are great on my part, but the fatige of pretending I am fine is very debilitating and I just cant wait to be home so I can be comfortable.
Thank you for reading this...........perhaps I just need to VENT!
I hope no one else is going thru this but any recomdations are VERY welcome!
Also, I am not a workers comp. or insurance claim....just a former jockette and workaholic! F-54, and healthy in every other way I know personally I have never felt better.......but at my pace not theirs..it is so wonderful to not have the pain from before, I was working 24/7 even w/ the pain so this is actually a relief..........unfortunately I had to close my business to get ths done.....Again thank you if you have ideas for me, I just want to maintain a positive, yet realistic attitude.........My Dr. is great..........but not sure if i should even go over this part of t with him.
emzzzz

 
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Old 06-01-2012, 01:06 PM   #2
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Re: pressure from others that you are healed since you had surgery

Maybe my perspective will help as I've had 14 knee surgeries including having both replaced at the same time. I've had AC joint surgery on both shoulders and a rotator cuff repair and had lumbar surgery almost 10 weeks ago. And I've had 2 major cervical surgeries and am fused from C3 to T1.

Of all of these(and more) my neck has been one of the hardest, only surpassed by having both knees replaced at once. My neurosurgeon tells his patients that major neck surgery like you've had should be thought of as equivalent to a total knee replacement in terms of how long it affects you and the lifetime effects. Remember, they are stopping the problems in your neck, not returning it to it's former self.

And you can pass this along to your family as well. In a recent study, a doc collecting DNA from his spine patients trying to find a link to degenerative disk disease, instead found that they all fell into one of 2 groups. Either you recovered well with minimal pain or you ended up with chronic pain for life despite the surgical intervention and fixing of the problem. Seems how we recover from spine surgery is controlled by our genes...and no other surgery seems to be controlled that way. Must have something to do with how your spine/nerves reacts to injury and repair. The study has been expanded to several more medical centers as the results were so intriguing.

So you may be one of those people who genetically is going to have trouble for life from your neck problems and there is nothing you can do except learn to live with it. No pain, no gain is not applicable here. All you may gain is more pain.

The area of spine surgery is so new that no one really knows why we react the way we do but if you think about it...it's a form of brain surgery...the spine is merely an extension of the brain. So it can't be equated to knee or shoulder surgery....they aren't working on brain tissue when fixing a torn ACL. So you can't equate spine surgery to any other kind except perhaps brain surgery. They give you grief, just walk away...they don't get it and they don't want to get it. Only those of us who have walked in your shoes really do understand.

hugs.......Jenny

 
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Old 06-01-2012, 01:17 PM   #3
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Re: pressure from others that you are healed since you had surgery

I think the ending of Jenny's post says a lot. I think of the book/movie "To Kill A Mockingbird," in which the main character Atticus Finch says to one of his childrem the following . . . . . "You never know a man (woman) till you have walked in their shoes."

It truly bothers me when people don't understand the pain that someone goes thru. They may think they understand, but they really don't. Until you go thru it personally you will never understand the toll that the pain takes on you physically; emotionally and spiritually. I certainly don't wish this on anyone to go thru the pain, but unless you've been there, then please try at least to show some compassion to those that are truly suffering. . . . .

 
Old 06-01-2012, 02:12 PM   #4
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Re: pressure from others that you are healed since you had surgery

You just have to go at your own pace and do what YOU are comfortable with. Most people will not understand it unless they too have gone through it. They can't compare their shoulder to your spine, even if they had the same surgery, there is no way of knowing if the recovery would be the same. I do hope today is a better day for you.

~Kenzi!

Last edited by kenzibenzi; 06-01-2012 at 02:23 PM.

 
Old 06-01-2012, 10:11 PM   #5
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Re: pressure from others that you are healed since you had surgery

You have to do what's best for YOU not someone else. You can't spend your time trying to please everyone else because they think that you should be "getting on with your life" after a major surgery like this that has "fixed your problems".

I've had to deal with someone like that pre op and post op. The problem with people like that is they can't stand to be around someone who is sick and have very little tolerance for a sick person because in most cases it "inconveniences" them and interferes with their lives. People like this are usually too self absorbed to realize that others have problems besides the petty ones they are constantly complaining off. Your asking for a chair with a soft back and the way they reacted is just an example. IMO those types of people are more common than people who really do care and want to help.

 
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