Buttercups
On the final hole of the golf course, Dave managed to hit his ball into the woods, finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden...POOF!! In a flash and a puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature!! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still, you won't have any butter for your toast the rest of your life.... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!" Then...POOF!! ....she was gone. After Dave got hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, "Fred, where are you??" Fred yelled back, "I'm over here in the *****willows." Dave yelled back, "DON'T SWING FRED!! For God's sake, DON'T SWING!!"
A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus, and she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick' and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident...I just lost it."
"CASE DISMISSED"
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