Re: Newbie... stressed?? depression?? I DON"T KNOW.. confused & lost & hurt
I recently joined this message board because I too have been at my wits end. I have had terrible things happening to me on a monthly basis for the past 13 months....3 pets have died....3 more have been seriously sick....a pyro came to my neighborhood and set 11 fires within 3 weeks, one of which was in my neighbors' yards and embers were raining on our roof....a storm came through and flooded our home....my 16 year old brother was in a car accident....carbon monoxide readings in my home....just terrible things. I was seriously paranoid and suffering from anxiety. I needed someone to talk to, or just listen. Once everything came out, I felt a lot better. Plus my Birth Control Pills were lessened to "mini" pills. I believe the absense of hormones has helped my mood incredibly. For the first time in 7 years, I finally feel happy and in control.
Now to help you. I lived with my mom for a while (I don't have kids) and it was majorly stressful. It affected everything around me and how I dealt with issues. I learned that the sooner you can get out, the better things will be. You won't have nasty feelings towards anyone and vice versa. I don't necessarily endorse welfare, but in some cases, I feel it is needed. Are you currently receiving aid from the state? I know you mentioned child support, but sometimes there are other things the state can help with. I know that in most cases, they will pay child care for you. I helped my mom out. When my brother was 12, she worked and had no one to care for him, so I watched him and the state payed me to do it. You can check into it, and if a friend or relative is willing, they may get payed to watch your two children. Your mom may even be able to get payed for it. If not, the welfare office can help you locate a baby sitter or childcare facility.
About your man. A man should never be the heart of your problems. Especially before you live together. It sounds to me, like you BOTH are going through a bout of seperation issues from past relationships, and dealing with custody issues. Perhaps, you guys should slow down things until the court dates are out of the picture, allow some time to deal with the nasty things, then continue with future plans. He may be having a hard stressful time with trying to deal with that and then making plans with someone else right now. It doesn't mean it is the end of the world for the two of you, and I know it is hard but maybe you should slow down a little. Maybe even though he hasn't brought up the miscarriage, he may be dealing with it too. Grief and stress have a crazy way of swimming around in people and affecting how they act. It sounds like he loves you very much and if he hasn't said that he wants to break up, maybe he just needs a little time to sort through things.
You have a lot going on right now. Try to do something enjoyable. If someone is willing to watch the kids, go out with the girls (neice, neighbor, whoever), or to a movie, or take up yoga. There are so many things out there that can ease pain, if you can find the motivation. I have had times where I just want to sit down and mope. Poetry is a life saver. I don't think I would have made it through my high school years without it. Try focusing more on that if it helps. Watch a comedy on TV. Find something that will help in any way. If you are having anger issues, perhaps you can talk to a doctor and see what they say. I don't feel medicine is always the best answer, but maybe a psychologist or something could be all it takes. I couoldn't afford therapy, so I found this web site instead. It helped a lot.
Dealing with the loss. I don't think anything that anyone says can help with it. I only have pets (who are like my children) and when I lose them, nothing anyone says makes me feel better. There are people out there that can help or offer a friend to talk to, only they can be tricky to find. I suggest looking into it, and don't foget, you can always continue writing in here. Good luck to you.