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Old 08-24-2007, 07:04 PM   #1
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bruce22 HB User
My future doesn't seem to bright

My mom was always a little crazy and drank a lot and smoked cigerettes and weed. One of the problems is she still does, I think she hasn't been sober or high for the past thirty years. As you can imagine this would be hard enough, well it gets a lot worse than that.
Here's my story, or rather the story of my parents through my eyes.

I came into this world in A small Connecticut town tucked into a valley, it's kind of a stoner town, but its a nice one anyways. Anyhow, my mom and dad loved me and my younger brother and more importantly each other, but when I was four and a half my parents split up. I'm still amazed at how well I handled that so well. But, I think that's when my mom became a full-blown alcoholic. she never hit me or my brother and was still nice to us most of the time. But now that I look back on it she didn't care too much about us, and fed us the same food every night and although she clearly cared in some cases she wasn't the best or even close to the best mom she could've been.
Later in my preteen years (I'm 15 now) she met a guy, this guy is nice to her for the first few months, but as time goes on, me and my mother started to realize that he was a control freak, and made no sense at times, but neither did my mothers reasoning. He's always been ok to me and my brother, but I don't think he really cares about us like a real dad could, but that's understandable. Well, anyways he and her started fighting a lot over the stupidest little things, such as "you didn't get the cat food?" and the time when our dish washer broke for the fourth time and my mom refused to buy a new one. And... when I say fights I mean huge fights and domestics, that woke up the neighbors who happened to be my friends, and its hard to explain to your friends why the police were at your house when your 12-13. And when I had a girlfriend in 6th grade I think I never invited her to my house because my parents don't clean it, and all they do is blame me for not doing chores, yet when I went to camp for four weeks (paid for by my biological father) they never cleaned a thing, mowed the lawn or did the gutters, and when my brother and I came home we had to cut 3 foot high grass... her parents were messed up too so that helped a little with me coping, but we broke up the summer I went to camp of course... .
Then my dad started acting suspicious and ended up wasting 200,000,$ of my moms reserve money, then is when the huge fights came, and she started drinking more, the fact that she's going through menopause only makes it worse, because her mood swings can be nice to violent and alcohol usually accompanies these mood swings only to strengthen them.
So now they are braking up, my mom is probably sewing, my would of been stepdad, and she talks about suicide. How can I help her, when I have to be the parent watching over her making sure she doesn't do something stupid, do well in school, watch my little brother, with all of this weighing on my mind?! I feel like I can't go outside without her O.D.ing or something. I can't have a girlfriend, or my friends over because of her and the situation at my house. It's so embarrassing, but sad at the same time.
Ohh, and her horse, the "one thing she loved" broke its leg and she had to shoot it
and thats making her seriously depressed, and with my stepdad gone and her soon to sue him, shes mentally unstable. He was in a sense her leash, to stop her from going over the deep end.


As for me, I've been ok through this all, I'm not emo or goth, (not that theres anything wrong with being one), I have friends but I can't hang out with them a lot because my parents don't drive me to their houses, and my moms too lazy to take me anywhere so I have to quit soccer for two seasons in a row.
She acts like this doesn't affect me at all, and it annoys me because deep down its hard to concentrate at schoolwork.

Also, she's always been unreasonable, such as she'll smoke around me all the time, and in the car even on the ride home from the doctors when he said she shouldn't smoke near us. And if you argue with her, she's always right or she throws a hissy fit. My grandma says she's always been like this, but its getting worse and worse. I understand that she's depressed, but she's angry at the world and she's starting to blame people for random things and she thinks that she didn't get herself into this. She screams at my friends if they try to come to my house(to get me outside). Just tonight she screamed I have a gun to my friend because she thought it was a robber?!? That's going to be great to explain, just like all the screaming, the time I punched her in the eye because was threatening my brother (she's never hit us but it looked like she was going to because he didn't do the laundry! MOOD SWING!). They ask why they never met my parents and what do I say? She hasn't made dinner in years. And I just think its unfair that I have to go through this every night and be expected to help the family, have friends, my brother, school, girls, and mostly help her. I'm even starting to get worried because she won't buy me food now, because she cant afford it yet she buys cigerettes and alcohol in large quantitiies every day

When I ask her how can I help you all she says is I'm going to kill ****. or I want more wine, while she smokes a cigerette in our livingroom. I need new clothes and schol supplies, but she won't get them or she'll make a scene in the store. Life is starting to get impossible.

Thats not even half the story...

Sorry it's so long and unorganized, but that's how my moms life is so I guess its fitting,

To sum it up. I don't know what to do

Last edited by bruce22; 08-24-2007 at 07:12 PM.

 
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Old 08-28-2007, 05:08 PM   #2
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ShakesMcThyroid HB User
Re: My future doesn't seem to bright

It's unfortunate, Bruce, that you've kinda had to be the adult in your family life. That's not fair to a 15 year old and all these experiences that you are going through are traumatic and may affect your life psychologicially (if they already haven't).

In all honesty, you need help. Adult help. But how can you do that when you have little resources? It's a tough one. Especially since it seems your mom doesn't want help.

If I were you, I would try and schedule an appointment with a family councilor. It will cost money, but there are many that work for reasonable rates. Gotta get out the old phone book and make some calls.

Get a session, explain your issues and see if they can help you. At worst, it's a professional ear to help you deal with your stress issues. At best, they may be able to coerce your mother to attend a session with you. She needs help to lighten up your life. But until she decides she wants help, you're just spinning your wheels.

Also, maybe an alcohol reform group may be of assistance. I really don't know how it works. Maybe others can be of more help.

Good luck, buddy. Let us know your progress.

Shakes

 
Old 08-29-2007, 06:29 AM   #3
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: My future doesn't seem to bright

Bruce, I am so sorry.... This is a lot for you to handle. If your mom is buying booze instead of food this is a child protection issue. Child protection can get your mom to help herself but it also could get messy and you could end up in a foster home if you don't have other family to take you in. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

 
Old 08-31-2007, 07:57 PM   #4
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Ree125 HB User
Re: My future doesn't seem to bright

oh Bruce ,
i am so sorry to hear that you are going through this at such a young age. There are grown up issues happening here that are affecting someone who is mentally not prepared to deal with such issues. It's so good to see that you are concerned and it seems that you are doing your best to keep things as sane as possible. My suggestion is that you take some time to yourself if at all possible. unfortunatly there are alot of things going on that you cannot fix, but the good news to that is realizing that you can't fix the problem allows you to release it and not take it on as YOUR problem. I understand that you want to just be a normal kid and do what normal kids do. I agree that you should look into a support group designed for kids coping with dysfunctional families. Being able to talk to your piers who are going through similar situations will help you feel better knowing you are not alone. You are definitly going in the right direction in your attempts to reach out and seek help through these message boards. I strongly urge you to find the strength to hold back all these negative emotions from influencing how you see life in the long run. I wish you all the best. Just try and stay strong and remember that you don't have to end up like your parents. you have a bright future if you can focus on what makes bruce happy.Good Luck

 
Old 09-11-2007, 05:56 PM   #5
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bruce22 HB User
Re: My future doesn't seem to bright

I guess she's kind of gotten better. She still drinks to much and smokes all the time, but she is starting to calm down. I think I just have to wait this one out, but I have no idea what would happen to my mom and my brother and my home.
I'm somehow doing well in school. I just hope this gets better....

 
Old 09-12-2007, 01:31 AM   #6
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julie2222 HB User
Re: My future doesn't seem to bright

Hi Bruce, Just read your original posting and found it really heartbreaking. This is just so unfair at your age to have to cope with all of this. Do you have any extended family that you can turn to on a regular basis, or would be willing to get involved, or you could stay with for a while, although I appreciate you probably want to stay in your own home. You also have to remember that you've got all your life ahead of you and so many things to look forward to. I know things are a nightmare at the moment, but like everything in life, nothing stays the same for ever, so try and stay strong. Your mum is not coping at all with what life is throwing at her and you are all having to deal with the backlash. It's not what happens to us in life, it's how we deal with it and your Mum's way is to turn to alcohol, which is completely spoiling your life. Keep posting and let us know how things are going.

 
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