When does it start getting better? Single Mom of 3 girls. HELP PLEASE
I started my family at a young age, 16. My oldest was born in 98, 2nd born in 01, and youngest born in 05. All 3 years apart and all girls (i'm in trouble i know). I have had 2 major relationships in my life. #1 Josh (my oldest girls dad), we were together beginning in 8th grade lasting for almost 7 years, when she turned 2 we split up. Not long after that break up i met Nate, which made relationship #2. We shared 2 children and close to 8 years. We recently split and i'm so confused. We fight so much, but yet i hate the fact that he's gone. I'm going to spill out my heart and hope for some good advise or comments that might help in any way. My back is what i blame. After I had an epidural with my 2nd daughter my back hurts all the time. It was mild pain that i could deal with, then as time went by it became severe. There are days where I can't get out of bed, because I hurt so bad. I have been to Doctor after Doctor but with the insurance that I have, I keep getting a run around. It really hurts when i can't play with my kids, I can't pick up/carry my 3 year old, I can't stand to long at the kitchen sink washing dishes or at the stove making a big dinner, I can't sit to long on the couch watching a movie with the girls, I can't do so many things that i need to do with my family. I had a friend that was trying to help me out, he had some pain pills and gave me a few. They helped me I was able to participate in ALOT more of our family activities, so I talked to my Doctor about what they were and that they helped me but none of the Doctors that I have went to see would give me anything that would work, it seems like they don't believe me, or that they just don't care I dont know. So I started buying them off the street. $2 for a vicodin and $3 for a percocet. I'm not asking to be pain free all I want to do is be able to get out of bed and take care of my family without hurting so bad I fell like someone would do me a favor by putting me out of my misery. I would talk to a few friends around town and they would get them from so and so and back in forth. I know this is illegal but I feel that I tried it the legal way and i could get no help, after hurting so much all the time and losing all hope in Doctors in general i procede with buying them. I have an appointment on thursday the 31st at the pain management clinic (thank god, hopefully they can help). My insurance changed for this month because i forgot to turn in some paperwork to Job and Family Services they droped my Molina insurance and when i turned in the paper work they put me on their monthly plan untill Molina would pick me back up in August. The clinic wont accept my Molina but they do accept the temporary card I have so I'm able to have at least 1 appointment. I'm working on getting my insurance changed to something that is more widely accepted in this area, but it is going to be a long journey I know. Needless to say this caused a big problem in mine and Nate's relationship, he don't like me buying pills and I don't like being in so much pain. That's what his problem is with me. My problems with him have been adding up along the years. #1 he is a wonderful man and a great father. I'll tell a few of my complaints. The biggest one being his temper when it comes to the girls. He wants them to walk this fine line, they are to obey comand this way right now or else he yells and grounds them. Mostly over what i see to be little things that kids are expected to do. He calls it tough love that he never got and because he never got it he ended up getting in alot of trouble as he got older up untill we got together. I also think he is much harder on the oldest girl, thoughts have came up that he does it because she's not really his. but he raised her and loved her most her life and i know that he feels that she is his in away but in the same hand he sees her go to her dads for visits I think that hurts him and he tries to seperate her because of that (make sense?) He can't or won't see this arguement I'm really not sure which? Another thing is that he does not like the fact that I still talk to Josh (her dad) We remain friends and are able to talk, mostly about her but also about old friends we had and stuff like that. See when Me and Nate got together we moved about a hour from my home town. I lost track with everyone i knew growing up so sometimes I talk to Josh as my link back home. Nate cant stand the fact that still talk to him. In my eyes we should maintain a friendship, I would rather talk like adults then be stuck up and only speak when we're exchanging our daughter at the front door. (is that wrong its not like i'm calling him on a daily basis and meeting him or going places with him. we talk about once a week over the phone for about half an hour...???...) Nate is king redneck from redneckville, he eats sleeps and breathes trucks and 4 wheeling. I dont know anything about them but how to drive them. if he's not talking about trucks and parts and trading this part for that part, the only other thing we have left to talk about is the girls. I'm a nursing student so what I have to talk about confuses king redneck so I can't talk much about what I do. his idea of a good time is not my idea of a good time so needless to say we never did much together. He has always been a work-a-holic he worked 60+ hrs a week gone early and home late. weekends spent working on trucks for the longest time. He would put things off that I asked him to do around the house and on my van, but still accepted to help his buddies and brothers on jobs they needed done. Shortly after christmas his company went under and his position was terminated. He decided to stay home for the summer and collect his unemployment, maybe do a few side jobs around town if extra$ was needed. this all ment more time at home more stress watching and being around the kids which ment more yelling and kids getting grounded alot more and this drove us all crazy. I made him leave he's now staying about 3 hours away going to a truck driving school getting his CDL's. He is such a jealous man every time i would go somewhere when I got home I felt as he was drilling me with questions (who, what, where, when, and why) and i had to answer all his questions his way and I really never found a way of communicating with him to where he would understand. when he comes home from somewhere he tells me step by step what he did and I dont know how to do that I try and I get all mixed up and confuse him even more which results in even more questions. I really like coming home and not having to answer 20 questions, but i really dont like sleeping single in a double bed. This is not the first time we split up. 3-4 times we have tried to work things out but everything is great for the first few weeks then it all goes right back the way it was and we start fighting again. I'm so confused and stressed out all the time now, I hate it. I'm very impatient with the kids now, it seems like everything they do I want to yell at them. They want to fight all day everyday, I have to yell at them all the time to pick up after themselves (toy's, trash, food, their rooms) everything that happens they complain. I try to be as fair as I can but they always seem to think the other one is getting something more than they are. I'm about at the end of my rope someone please help. Stress from the kids, school, work, Nate, Chronic Backpain, Migrains/stress headaches, Doctors I just dont know what to do???
Re: When does it start getting better? Single Mom of 3 girls. HELP PLEASE
Sounds like a really rough time. I can relate to some of your issues, in relationships and being a mom. With all that you've got going on, a counselor might be a good idea. It might sound silly to some, but having someone to talk to can really help keep things in perspective. It must be someone you're comfortable with.
Also, I know many docs are hesitant to prescribe pain meds, but if you truly need them, I would just keep looking. The search for the right doctor can be horrid I know, but if and when you find that person, it will be worth it.
Hang in there!
Hopefully things will look up for you soon. Lots of luck