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Old 09-04-2008, 07:30 AM   #1
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DoeZ0763 HB User
Red face I can't handle anything anymore

I am so stressed out that I just can't handle anything anymore. I don't even know where to begin. But the biggest stress in my life right now is my daughter. She's 18 and graduated from high school this past June. She thinks she's 25 or older. She quits her jobs after a certain period of time....then she lays around for about a month or more...sleeps all day and doesn't bother to help out with any of the house chores while I'm at work all day...I'm a mail carrier with MS and I push myself everyday just to get thru my day. Then I come home and have to finish the laundry...make dinner...make my lunch...iron my clothes then its bedtime...but this is when she'll get in the shower and go out...she usually doesn't come home either...She had braces on her teeth and because she was born without this tooth she needs an implant...well my insurance will cover the implant but not the surgery so I've been trying to find a dentist that will allow me to make payments rather than get a finance thing...which I will never be approved of...and I finally found one and she didn't come home from work last night...called her father this morn and told him her car blew up...so he had to go get her and as I was in the shower she came home and went to bed...leaving me to cancel this appt. that took me over a month to get...I honestly can say that I can't stand her anymore. That is so mean of a parent to say but I have had enough. She has her father wrapped around his finger and its really tearing us apart...and the saddest thing is that I don't care anymore. We already filed bankruptcy and have 3 more yrs. to go...my job has changed and I can't stand it...so I really don't care what else happens. I tried to make an appt with a person that I talk to thru work...but thats another 2 weeks away...I could kill myself by then. I'm so tired of everything...all this political crap...immigrants coming into this country and never working but yet collecting money...yet I struggle every day and go without groceries or my meds because I have to pay my bills first. I really am so stressed out I can't take this anymore. I don't know what to do. HELP

 
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Old 09-04-2008, 08:04 AM   #2
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Re: I can't handle anything anymore

Doe, You need to get a break, and see you pcp as soon as possible, like today. You need to talk to your doctor, and get some help. It sounds like you need to sit your daughter down, tell her your frustrations and your needs, and then pass her on to her father to take care of her. You need to take care of you. Your daughter is old enough to take care of herself and maybe it is time she has a little nudge to do so.

I cannot express enough getting to the doctor, their might me something wrong within you that you cannot control. Can your ex-husband help you out any, financially? You need you meds, you need to eat, and you need to take care of you, you are number 1. You have done your job, and your daughter needs to chip in, or she needs to find anothe place to live. Does she know how you feel about her, and how crappy you feel mentally and physically? Have you ever thought about applying for disability or help?

I really wish I could do more. I know what it feels like to feel horrible, healtwise, everyday. I do not work, unable to know due to illnesses, but I have a 2 and 5 year old to take care of. My job is to take care of them, and my husband takes care of working and providing for us. We are financially not doing well, and struggling, but I pray and truly feel we are going to make it.

I recently found a great doctor, a female, and she is going to help me in starting to feel better, she switched me to cymbalta, and so far I have not felt too much, but she is optimistic she can help me, and that feels really good. I wish I could pass that feeling onto you. I have felt what you are feeling, my husband sometimes has a hard time dealing with my chronic pain and illnesses, and I really get down on myself, and take it out on me. We cannot do that. You have done a great job raising your daughter, and she needs to get her butt moving, and help you out. Have you tried being really firm with her, and telling her what the consequences might be if she does not get it together? She could make such a difference in your life, she could be such a help.

I am going to pray for you, and hope that you keep writing here. Let it all out, we are here for you. I wish I could help you more. Do you have health insurance, and could you get into your doctor soon?

Please do not hesitate, you need some help, and cannot do it alone anymore.

I wish you the best of luck, please keep writing to us.

Kass

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:16 AM   #3
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DoeZ0763 HB User
Re: I can't handle anything anymore

Thank You Kass...first I must tell you that I am still married to her father...I don't know if I maybe confused that part...but she has herself wrapped around his finger and he does nothing to stop it. All our lives we've worked hard to give our kids everything...make sure we have a nice home...food in our cupboards...etc...and when I had had enuf of my son I kicked him out...it hurt me so bad to do that...and the things he called me and said to me crushed me...but since we started talking again I can see that it was the best thing I could have done for him...he knows he has to pay rent now...his phone bill...his car insurance...and anything else he wants...so he has to keep a job...and I am so proud of him for becoming a great young man...but my daughter...its as though she's pushing me and pushing me until I do the same thing to her. She thinks she can do whatever she wants now that she graduated...she just thinks she's above everyone else. My DH and I filed bankruptcy a little more than 2 yrs ago...if my DH would have listened to me along time ago we would have never been in this situation but he just thinks he knows it all...so we have like 3 1/2 yrs. to pay it off still...so each week we struggle...sometimes I go without my meds and sometimes we go without groceries...but she still somehow goes out every night and sometimes or should I say the majority of the time she doesn't come home...then she sleeps all day and when we go to bed she showers and does it all over again. There are times when we do get along but I would say that most of the times we just can't get along. She doesn't want to listen to what I say and she thinks that her father will always be there to back her up. I can't take the fact that he chooses her over me and I don't know why that bothers me so much...but it does. I don't know how she's putting gas in her car...or getting her cigarettes...I lock mine up now that she's taken mine...but I did find out that he gave her gas money once and told him if he did it again...we're done...I don't think he has but this morn when her car blew up...he does his yelling like a big meany but then turns around and goes to get her and I know he'll some how fix her car...in the meantime the Dentist appt. I made that took me a month to make she wouldn't go to...she came home and went to bed...and that was at 8:30a.m. I showered and was ready to leave and she wouldn't budge. So I had to cancel the appt. and almost got charged for it...but I did not make another one...I'm saying..."too bad...you blew it and I'm not wasting my time or money I don't have so you can get a tooth..." I really want to just be alone now...no hubby...no kids...noone at all...I hate my job cuz I hate what they did to my route and my hours changed so I work later now...I just hate life in general.I've already been put on anti-depressants but they just make me loopy...who can work like that...I don't have the money to go to my Dr. anyways. I've just had enuf of life in general...Thanks for listening

 
Old 09-05-2008, 03:55 AM   #4
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gorgee HB User
Re: I can't handle anything anymore

Your welcome in listening, I could tell you some stories too. My boys are still young, 2 and 5, and I stay at home with them. I was able to work up until a year or so ago, and I started battling this chronic pain. I have been officially out of work for 5 years and 4 months, since our oldest was born. We are struggling financially, over-spending, and gambling caught up to us, and my husbands business is not doing as well as he thought it would, so we are treading, that is what it feels like. I am praying for disability to go through this time.

I am sorry you are in the situation of being the parent who is trying to be tough, and not taken advantage of. I am the oldest of 3 children, and my mother passed away, july 6, 2000. It was the day she was to do my bridal shower, or lasagna party, I did not want a bridal shower, and she did not wake up. She passed away in her chair, watching tv, in the living room. She was hot, going through menopause, and had a heart attack in her sleep. My mother was going through hard times with my brother, he was 16, and lying, drinking and partying, and she was so stressed out finding out he was not telling her the truth. Now, she has already gone through a hard time with my sister, but she got pregnant when she was 18 and a senior in high school, so it calmed her down having a child, and she got married at 20. It was horrible, and I miss her everyday, and feel cheated.

I am worried for you, you have so much on your plate, and seem to be very depressed. I do wish you could go to your doctor, if not just to talk.

Today, I have a day of traveling to doctor appts, and I need help driving, and taking care of the boys. My husband has a golf tournament, and he could not help, so I had a hire a babysitter to help me. She is driving, my migraines are so unpredictable, and 1st appt is 2-3 hours long, and we have to drive 2-3 hours to get there. I wish I could write more, but for today, I hope you have a good day, try to do something for yourself, like go to a bookstore and take your time and read some books. Please take care of yourself.

I will be thinking of you today, and look forward to talking to you later. You have done a great job!

Kassandra

Kassandra

 
Old 09-07-2008, 09:48 AM   #5
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DoeZ0763 HB User
Re: I can't handle anything anymore

Hi Kass...

I'm so grateful for you listening to me whine...I'll catch you up on things...Because I am so stressed out and she really has me upset...I have not spoken to her for 3 days now. I come home from work and finish the laundry and make my lunch and I go to bed...I don't eat dinner nor do I make anything for my DH either. I'm in bed by 8 p.m. pretty sad huh. But I feel that if I distant myself from what is stressing me I can sorta relax a bit. I get very upset while I'm at work...people really just tick me off...stupidness is what it is and I just can't deal with it. I've got a great job but my temper and anger is gonna eventually get me in trouble...I know this but I can't stop myself. I'm thinking about going back on some of the anti-depressant pills I have...even tho they made me feel really loopy maybe this is what I need. Something to take the edge off and let things just roll off my shoulders. But when I came home on Sat... and let me just say that since her car blew up I guess she's been riding MY bike...and we live out in the country so everything is far mind you...well I think it was Fri. night she rode off on the bike with a backpack which led me to believe she wasn't coming home that night...I was right...so when I got home from work on Sat. I looked in DH phone and she called him and had him pick her up on his way home from work...sorta ticked me off cuz I look at it as you got yourself there get yourself back...BUT...he did and I did my thing...folded the clothes a few other things and he went outside to start to fix her car...that was at 5:30 p.m. he didn't have a thing to eat all day and again I was in bed by 8 p.m. watching the boobtube...I'm hearing things going on in the house and realize that she's in the shower...its midnight...so I think she's going out...and it really got me mad that even tho she has to work today at 4 p.m. she's still going out...her dad wasn't even done with her car...he let her take his truck...of which is really mine cuz I paid for it with my cash...what really made me mad was the fact that she felt her friends and partying were more important than just hanging out at home while her dad was fixing her car...I was fuming...he never came in the house and was done fixing her car until 4:30 a.m. yeah thats right 4:30 in the morning...still not having a thing to eat and probably being so dang tired and sore...but she went out and had a real good time...Mind you that while all this was going on...I had taken my meds...which make me sleepy and a sleeping aid...that wasn't working so I took another one...and I still couldn't sleep...still I was so angry at her and all I kept thinking was I want her out of my house. So when I woke up this morn I told my DH I want her out of my house today...he was like what? I told him that he had nerve to let her use his(MY) truck so she could go out and party while he was fixing her car...I said she does nothing around here at all...and if you feel putting the laundry in the dryer something give me a break...my dog can do that... she doesn't pay for anything or help out in anyway so I want her out. He replied by saying something about how I kicked my son out last year...I slammed him back with "Yeah and look at him now" he's very responsible paying rent and his bills and he's grown up alot from that too...needless to say there was nothing else said...he went grocery shopping and I'm here writing to you. I seriously want her out...I know he'll fight me on this but I feel as tho if I can get her out...my stress will lessen...she'll learn she can't sponge off everyone...and maybe just maybe she'll learn that its time to grow up. So I'm just gonna start taking all my meds again and get really loopy 24/7 and see how that does me...lol...Thanks for listening Kass...I think we're in the same boat...financially we're not in any position to do anything fun...I can't feel good about myself cuz I have this BK hanging over me and all the stress from my DD and job...it sucks...really sucks...Thanks again Kass

 
Old 01-29-2012, 11:35 AM   #6
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johnfellister HB User
Re: I can't handle anything anymore

Hi I just read this and I wanted to say that I am so sorry.
I see it has been 3 years, I hope everything is better now.

Much love,
John.

 
Old 01-29-2012, 11:38 AM   #7
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johnfellister HB User
Re: I can't handle anything anymore

Hi I just read this and I wanted to say that I am so sorry.
I see it has been 3 years, I hope everything is better now.

Much love,
John.

 
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