I would post this in the parenting section, except this is not a problem with my kids. My kids, as far as 2 1/2 year olds and 6(almost 7) year old girls go, are awesome. There are outbursts to be sure, mostly from my toddler, but nothing out of the ordinary for her age. The problem is, I can't handle taking care of my girls. Their demands for everyday things(a snack, juice, playing with them, etc.) wear me out beyond my limits. When my toddler fights with her sister over a toy, or gets tired, doesn't get what she wants, the yelling/screaming coming from her just makes me want to slap her. It takes all of my strength not to give in to that impulse. By the end of the day, I am completely exhausted and just feel like laying down and sleeping for hours. I most days feel like sobbing my eyes out. I have a lot of guilt about if I have to reprimand the girls, and often cry about it. I often see myself as an unfit mother, and get depressed about it. I am not depressed or sad all the time, just when I think about these things and the girls are misbehaving.
The stress of taking care of my daughters just seems to keep building, and I am afraid that one day I will give in to my impulses and strike one of the girls. And then I fear my husband leaving me, or having the girls taken away from me. He helps out a lot and is great, but I have fallen behind in my duties as a SAHM as far as housekeeping, etc. which was part of the "deal" when I quit my job 2 years ago. It vexes my husband if he comes home to a messy house. I just get so stressed I cease to function a great deal of the time, and nothing gets done.
Can someone help me figure out what to do about this stress and handling it better so I can enjoy my girls and live a normal life and just take the daily little things in stride better and don't make it into a mountain?
Have you tried putting aside some "you" time? Do you ever have "date" nights with your husband? I know it may seem silly, but my husband (well fiance really) and I made a deal that no matter what is going on we always put aside one night every couple of weeks to have a "date." Some people do it once per week. Whatever works best I guess. We make plans ahead of time and get a babysitter. Everyone needs to get out and get away from that parenting duty every now and then. It doesn't make you a bad parent for wanting a break. Especially since you said you stay at home. You definately need time to relax and just enjoy a day to yourself. Is there anyone you could ask to watch your girls for a day, even to just sit at home and read a book, get some rest, spend the day with a friend, etc.? I love my son to death, but there have been times where I was glad to go to work because I was frustrated with the fits and screaming and crying. It's not abnormal to feel that way. It doesn't mean we love our kids any less. We just need a small break. I hope this helps! Us moms, and dads too...deserve time to ourselves every once in a while.
Well, that's what my husband and I would like to do, but we really have no one we can trust with our kids to babysit right now. My youngest is a handful at times, and the only relatives near us are my parents-and my mother is not the most tolerant person. I often think she's one of those people that should have never had children. My parents were always leaving us at my grandma's to babysit-giving them a break all the time, and she still couldn't handle us without overreacting to everything. I don't want to be like that-screaming at my kids over every little thing and making them feel terrible. I thought for a long time that she didn't love me-she didn't show it and she never said it.
That aside, it's going to be a while before we can get out on our own for an evening-my 2 year old is going to have to get through this phase she's in where she throws a tantrum when she wants something-she wants it now, or you'll hear about it! And, of course we don't let that go unpunished-but she still does it. But, it's not all the time. Most of the time she's in a good mood, happy and cooperative.
So, what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Start drinking? I'm kidding of course, but how am I supposed to relax and stop stressing out? I'd rather die than turn out to be a mom like my mom-if I can't get a handle on my stress soon, I might have to leave for my kids' own good. I really feel this is a serious situation. I really need some help.
I am so sorry...I certainly understand your fears and frustrations. My suggestion might seem silly, (but the kids love silly) and it got me through. I still use it, even though my kids are grown up now.
I can especially relate to the housekeeping, and the husband coming home to a mess.
Pick out a song, or make one up. Everyday, about an hour before hubby gets home, put the song on, or start singing it with the kids, and you all swish through the house and pick up. Turn it into a daily thing for 15 minutes, have fun with it, chase around, tickle them, it puts everyone in a fun mood-AND you accidentally pick up the house.
It releases pent up energy (stress too), and puts you and the girls on the same page. I imagine you think I'm nuts, but even to this day I jump up at a certain time swoosh around the house (these days my dogs run around with me), pick up, brush my hair, teeth, and jump into the kitchen at the last minute! I've been very ill for years, and I always felt terrible about being home all day and not doing anything. Although my husband is very understanding, it was me who felt guilty and stressed out...like you.
MOM upside-down is WOW
hang in there girlfriend, were with you!
"you" time is a must in my opinion. I really feel for you and you situation, is there not a close relative that could possibly take care of them for a few hours during the day or night so you and your husband can go out for a meal or something?.
I'm fairly sure there is classified babysitting companys around with qualified and certified nannies. its worth a try in my opinion.