I feel like I've been a big disappointment to my husband. I don't know if I'm imagining it but I think I can feel the disappointment from him in me. We haven't even been married 2 years now and I end up with this anxiety/depression problem. I know he can't stand negativity but I am not going to be perfect at being positive, it will take alot of time especially since I grew up in a negative environment. I just hope he has the patience to live through this as I continue to try to get better gradually over time. I guess I'm just feeling sad about this and disappointment of my own.
I too am afraid my husband will tire of me and my illnesses and depression, anxiety, panic. So far he has been wonderful, but I feel so guilty. Why not just be honest with your hubby and tell him how you feel.
Hi, ezragirl.. Stress, anxiety, depression and trying to control them has become a major part of my life.. I don't usually post on this particular board, but your message really spoke to me..
I was with my fiance' for around 4 years before I got sick and was eventually diagnosed with fibromyalgia.. Now, it seems like I can feel his disappointment with me on a daily basis.. I, too, feel guilty and disappointed in myself about all the things that my body and my mind are doing, things that I have no control over yet I feel I should be able to control..
It was not in my master plan to be told that I have an incurable disorder at 27 years old.. It was not in my master plan to be sick for the rest of my life or to have people question my illness just because they cannot see it.. Neither I nor you asked to feel the way that we do & correct me if I'm wrong, but if given the opportunity to be "normal" again, I imagine that we would both jump at the chance..
It is definitely hard to keep a happy face pasted on 24/7, especially when you're dealing with something that most people cannot empathize with.. It takes a very strong person just to keep going from day to day when they deal with the kind of things that we deal with, much less to do it on a positive note so don't be too terribly hard on yourself..
I've been trying to figure out for quite some time now how to deal with my fiance'.. I've tried to put myself in his shoes, and I know that this must be hard on him - first, because he loves me and can't stand to see me in emotional or physical pain, second because no matter what he does, he cannot fix me.. I'm sure it's exasperating for him..
Anyway, keep the faith..
<p>[This message has been edited by paddington (edited 03-07-2002).]
I, too, feel I have let my husband down. We joke at time that he married a lemon and questions if it's too late to trade me in (lol). But inside I do feel like he got stuck with a bad deal even though I know he loves me and it's silly to think like that, those thoughts just creep in there.
I'd hope that all your husbands love you all the more for your sensitivity and compassion that I've witnessed on this board. Don't define yourselves by your depression - we all have many, many other things to offer.
I'm currently living with a woman who suffers from severe depression and her fighting spirit in the depths of despair make me care for her all the more.
And if your husbands WERE disappointed (which I doubt)then they don't deserve you and you should kick their backsides immediately......
Didn't the wedding vows say something about 'for better or worse, for richer or poorer'?
I'm being treated for depression and epilepsy. I feel at times that I was a disappointment to her. So I told her what I thought and she replied that no I wasn't a disapointment to her or to my children. Our conversation made me feel much better and I bet your spouses and fiances feel the same way about you.
Remember, that marriage is for better for worse and in sickness and in health. May the Lord bless you all.
I don't feel that I've let my husband down, I believe he should be there for me with this disorder, after all, if this was a physical illness like cancer would he be there for me and understand??? I expect RESPECT, Empathy, no matter what!! I try my best, and I have good days and bad, mostly good, thank God!! So, any husbands out there listening, please understand that many people are struggling to try to make meaning out of this life, many are filled with FEAR, our biggest and scariest emotion!! So, lets all give and get support here from our spouses, no one asks for this disorder!! Wendy
I feel I am a major disappointment to my husband. When he met me, I was happy and slim, and raring to go. Now, I am fat, depressed, sometimes inconsolable, and I don't want to even get out of bed some days. We have a 9 month old son now, and I also feel I am failing as a mother. The other day, I got so upset that I told my husband that he should find someone new because his wife is a nut case. He told me not to be silly, and just left it at that. I can't talk to him...there is actually no one here that I can talk to, so I deal with this on my own. Some days I can cope, some days I lose it. I was on Lustral but it gave me migraines, switched to Zoloft, but all that seemed to do was elevate my problem, so I stopped. Probably shouldn't have, but there it is.
Dr poo-poo's me when I try and talk to her about it, so I'm in this alone. I'm actually considering leaving my husband and son and going back to America. At least if I did that, my husband and son can get on with their lives and be happy, instead of having to walk on eggshells with me.
Don't leave your husband and baby. They need you! You may not feel it but they do. Be honest with your hubby about how you feel and find another doctor. One who will listen to you. Maybe you have some sort of post partum depression. I too used to be skinny and attractive. Now I weigh 200 pounds. I hate it, but I am now trying to work on it. I have a heart condition too so I am always feeling like a burden. Please take good care of you. There are alot of good people hear and we will all listen.
I hear ya. Sometimes I feel like a totally worthless wife. Some days I do nothing right it seems. He is a perfectionist in alot of ways and I am, well....not. He's organized, clutter free, and on top of things. I'm not. I'm not a 'full time mom', just a weekend step-mom, so I don't have the baby issues, but I'm not sure I could handle them if I did. On my good days, yep. But on the others- whew....I don't know.
I can relate to the not a "full-time mom" thing. I, too am a weekend stepmom to 4 kids. I know what you mean about not being able to handle a child everyday. I, however would like to have one of my own someday hopefully, that's if I can get this anxiety/depression mess under control and if things get better financially. Do your stepchildren create anxiety for you? I have discovered they are one of my anxiety triggers which is very scary and I get very anxious when the weekend comes. I just hope I can figure out a good way to cope with this soon because this is something that will be an issue for me almost every weekend. It also makes me feel like a bad stepmom. I love them like they were my own and used to be able to handle things alot better but not since this anxiety and depression has reared its ugly head.
Amy, sounds to me like ppd. You didn't have this depression before you had the baby right? Well, this can be very real, as you are feeling. Don't give up, you have a new baby of 9 months that really needs you to be strong. You can lose the weight, take action now!! I can relate to you on not being able to even get up on days, and I know how it is so hard to get your mind thinking positive things. But you know you have so much to be thankful for, snap out of it for yourself, your baby and your marriage. I'm trying not to be harsh, my own marriage has suffered because of my hypochondria and anxiety. It is like I am taking baby steps, and eventually I will be where i want, mentally. I started working out, after almost 2 yrs I'm down to my old self again when I was 25,(I'm 43). Then I started studying college courses for credit to help my mind, did it from the internet, then took the tests and passed them. That helped. Now, I'm almost up to a 1 year of college, so I feel like I have accomplished something. I quit a job that I made 75,000 a yr, but had to travel 8 days a month, and after 13 yrs, and 2 kids, decided it was time to resign. Well, do you think my anxiety got better? No, it didn't, I suffered for almost a year and a half. Then I made up my mind to set goals that were important to me. Don't get me wrong, its still a struggle, but you are young and you have alot to live for to make your life better. I know you can do it!! good luck, Wendy
Thanks for your words of encouragement. It helps to know that I am not/was not alone. I've been to a doctor and I now have a therapist I see once a week. I've been taken off some meds I had been on as they seem to have made me worse, and am now on new ones to help me cope better. Like you, I've decided that I can only do one step at a time, one day at a time. I feel better already having decided that and now have someone professional that I can talk to about things. I know it will be long and hard, but I also know in the end, it will be worth it. I don't want my baby to suffer because Mommy is a nutter. Also, I've spoken to my husband about everything, and he now understands where I'm coming from and seems to genuinely want to help me be a stronger person and become well again.
I'm having a friend send me some Xenedrene to kick-start my eating properly. I know it's not a long term solution, but I just need this kick in the pants to get me going. Once I can establish some more will power and better eating habits, I will go off them. Of course, if my therapist says no about Xenedrene, I obviously won't have it, but hopefully it won't be too bad. I'm also looking into perhaps joining Weight Watchers. It would at least get me out of the flat and meeting new people, which is part of my problem. Where I live, I have no friends or family, as they're all back in the US. I need to get out more! <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">