So, I'm 18 and I met my boyfriend online. He came to my house to meet me and my family. We had been going out for 3 months. When he came, he stayed at my house for the weekend. I had sex with him for the first time ever. After he left, I got a yeast infection and had to be taken to the doctor. Mom found out there that I was sexually active. While filling out my Planned Parenthood application, I asked her a question. She responded with, "You say you're an adult do it yourself." Once I finished with that, I got my prescription and she dropped me off at a pharmacy. She told me she'd talk to me when she got home. I waited all day for her and her lecture. Mom doesn't hit us, her words are harder than actual physical pain. A week went by and she only talked to me when she needed to. I got called into the clinic for my results and was told that i was clean. No STD's or no pregnancy. I was relieved, thought she'd be too.
I got home and was in the kitchen eating. She came in and started talking. Told me that nice girls don't do it the first time they meet a guy and that it was the stupidest thing I've ever done. That my boyfriend didn't come all the way down to LA (he lives in Sacramento) because he loves me. That he only wanted in my pants. That he was cheating on me and that he wasn't clean. That all men are the same. Basically calling me easy. Said that he disrespected me and pressured me to do it when in reality, I was the one who brought it up and told him I wanted to do it. Total chastisement. I felt pretty down and that was almost 3 days ago.
Today, I was curious about visiting my boyfriend so I asked her if I was going to be able to go. We had discussed this before any of this started. She said that she wasn't going to allow me to see him because she lost her trust in me. That I failed her. Now she ignores me. I don't feel comfortable at home anymore. This has been happening for 3 weeks. I feel like running away.
I have to make my own decisions right? I feel like she's trying to put a leash on me. Isn't this my body? Am I wrong or is she overreacting. Help me. I think I'm going to go insane.
hi. I want you to know that you are heard and that I truly care for what you are going through. Your Mom is going through something of her own right now and doesnt know how to be open and honest with you. I dont know either of you yet I dont believe that what she is telling you is the "only thing" she feels. First, she loves you probably more right now than she ever has. She sees you growing into a woman and wants you to feel the beauty that intimacy can bring and not the regret. She is not intending to hurt you or drive you away and yet her part of looking out for you was just completely dismantled and she is in a spiral she cant seem to get out of. As a Mom, when you are duped and your child is the one that has been in the pathway-rage seems pretty natural. I dont agree with her shutting you out because what you two need right now more than ever is to cry and scream and evolve through this together. To you it seems like "your body, your choice" to your Mother it is " my child, my dearest world". I wish I had something brilliant to tell you that will open the communication between the two of you, I will be praying for you and I hope that you and your Mom can find forgiveness and a deeper bond because you have made it through this together. My heart is with you-shannon
The Following User Says Thank You to daddysgirl40 For This Useful Post: vengenz92 (03-29-2011)
After you turn 18 you can do whatever the hell you want to do. Your parents cant force you to do anything. Though the rules may be different in the states, in canada your considered an adult, what you want to do with your life is your business. She should have no control over you, as long as you arent still considered a unemployed dependant.
I`ll be 19 this year and i had to deal with this at 16. I never got along with my mom and dad at that point in time. I do agree that you supposed to be considered an adult at 18. Even though that doesn`t count for some people. I think your mom just is worried about you and she doesn`t exactly know how to show it. She`s just worried that something bad will happen to you. I think sitting her down and telling her "hey look i`m 18 i`m mature enough to make my own decisions, and i love you, but i am mature enough to do things on my own." Everyone makes mistakes and you learn from them. Your mom is trying to look after you and she may not know exactly how to have that conversation. She may also be sorta angry, like my dad was, about someone did something to my little girl. She may just need some time to get over somethings. She cares about you and in time things will get better