My problems started about 20 years ago when my controlling A personality husband became disabled. He lost his job of 25 years that took him away from home for as long as 8 months. Suddenly he was home all the time telling me how to do everything from paying bills to loading the dishwasher. Just about the time we were starting to get things worked out he lost his leg just below his knee. Things went to hell. His life was not worth living. I was being lazy. I work 35 hours a week, kept house plus I was finishing up on my AS degree. He wanted me working full time. I got a very good job with my degree. I also had remove all ammunition from the house because of his depression. Finally he decided he could still do things and maybe he could live with his artifical leg. I had a chance to do early retirement and us use our motorhome and boat until he looses his other leg which has no sores at this time. I retired Jan 2008. Only to discover he was furious with me for taking early retirement and he announced he was going no where. Then in Nov. 2008 we decided to call it quits and divorce. However his mother fell and need a place to live. She has been here since. My mother just died this Aug. 2011 so my 95 year old father is living with us.
I find I am angry all the time. The least little thing that goes wrong or is said just pisses me off. I can NOT hold a long disagreement with anyone with out just exploding. Can't leave and its killing me to stay. Where do I turn?
First of all, sorry about your Mom. Where do you turn, Turn to God. Ask Him to take your stresses. I don't understand all you're going thru, but what I read does sound very overwhelming. You probably don't want me to get all religious on you either, but I would be a HUGE mess if I didn't have God in my life. I respect people like you that do have their elderly parents live with them. Is there another family member where they can stay with them some of the time? As for your marriage, I don't know what to say except just pray about it. I know you don't like feeling angry all the time - no one would. Stress will make you angry or very jumpy. Try taking walks and try and find a hobby to keep you busy... don't think about the past, stay focused on each day. Good luck. I will pray for you.
Thank you for the encouraging words. If it were not for my belief in God I would not have made it this far. I look up ever day and ask if he is sure I can handle all of this and he assures me that I can. I'm trying to remember that when I go to the alter and leave the alter I'm to leave my problems there that he does not expect to to carry the full load. It just really hard sometimes but I will make it though. God told me so!
The following user gives a hug of support to Totallypissed59: lynnetta (09-01-2011)
wow i'm so sorry for all your going thru....you have every right to be totallypissed! However, as right as you are, it's not healthy for you. I think if you found a local caregivers support group, that would be good for you. Of course, keep posting here, this place is a great source of support, but sometimes it's good to meet with people face to face, plus you get out of the house! Do either you or your husband have any siblings that could help out? any kids? how about some type of social services, maybe get someone to come out to the house to help to lighten your load? please take care of yourself, you're dealing with a lot, and it's easy to get worn down.....
Thanks! I tried to get a nurse to come to the house and therapy for my mother in law, she refused. The therapy person came once and was told not to come back. The nurse came 5 times and at evaluation time was told not to come back. AAAAAAHHHHHHH! Fine! I have turned her over to my husband. I told him I could not handle her anymore. So he is keeping up with her pills, Dr. appointment, excerise etc. much to my relief. She is a nice lady but she was so spoiled for so many years, housekeeper, maids etc. she has a hard time doing things she does not want to do. But at least now I don't have to worry about her medical aspect.
Had a nice day yesterday with my Dad. He did really well. We went home to his house and hung out after taking care of business with the bank, funeral home, and church. One thing about a small town, the lady at the bank grew up with my dads grand kids so she knows our family. The funeral home has been there 50 years and the owners know all the families, and the church my family has been members 60+ years so everything went smoothly. We had no time limits we had to be anywhere so it was a nice day. He got a little up set at the house. He sat down in his chair and looked at Maw's and cried. "I'll never see her sit there again". But then he settled in saying she is no long in any pain and we talked for a while. Dad and I ate supper together on the way home.
Today has gone pretty well. I fixed a big breakfast. Paw took an after breakfast nap and now he is outside with my husband tinkering with a leaf blower. Me I've pulled the stove all apart and got it clean, done daddys clothes, taking a break before vacuuming. The sun is shining the birds are singing and God has blessed me with a beautiful day. Later this afternoon I'm going to tackle the funeral thank you cards and try to get some order back. Thank you for giving me a sounding board. I have a really good friend that is a great listener but she has a bigger mess than I do. Husband and son both alcoholics.
I promise to keep smiling when possible, laugh often and not chew out anybody. AHHHH, a better day. Got to go the old vacuum cleaner is calling.
good to hear back from you, you sound better today.....
like you're taking it all in stride.....sometimes that's all you can do.
one day at a time, you've got a good attitude.....hang in there, and keep posting!
The Following User Says Thank You to rosequartz For This Useful Post: Totallypissed59 (09-01-2011)