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Old 02-05-2012, 05:59 PM   #1
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kusankusho HB User
My job is making me feel like I'm a useless idiot....

I've been in IT for nearly 25 years. It was never the right job for me, I've known that from day one, but I was getting married and had to have something better than the factory dead-end job I was in, so I went back to school to learn computer programming. I graduated with honours.

The roof fell in shortly after I started my first job. After struggling along for years, 14 years ago I had the chance to become a trainer. I took it and loved it. Great team, loved the work and was good at it. So of course, 7 years later we get a new VP who kills the entire training department.

I got sent to the systems support team and have flounderd ever since. I have no interest, no sense of belonging, every day is an act of will just to get out of bed. The last 5 months have been the worst. I'd like to think I'm reasonably intlligent but this job makes me feel like a useless idiot. Now I've been told my job is in jeopardy and may be let go in 2 months if I prove not to be up to a new assignment. My confidence was low already - this has put it in the bucket. I'm a fake in this job. An impostor. I'd love to get back to training but there aren't many jobs and I have missed 6 years of development in that field so I'm behind.

My IT skills are out of date because of the time in training, and now my training skills are out of date because of the time in support. Ironic, no?

Tomorrow is Monday. I have to go in and pretend I'm confident and I can take on this new project when I know I'm going to make a pig's ear out of it. I can't face it but I have to. If I say I don't feel confident I'll be fired. If I take it on and screw it up, I'll be fired.

I want to leave this place but I need the paycheck.

I should be one of the old wise men at my age (57) but I always feel like the new, stupid rookie. I can't take it much longer.

Help, please....

Jim

 
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Old 04-16-2012, 12:54 PM   #2
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SadComputerGuy HB UserSadComputerGuy HB UserSadComputerGuy HB UserSadComputerGuy HB UserSadComputerGuy HB User
Re: My job is making me feel like I'm a useless idiot....

Quote:
Originally Posted by kusankusho View Post

I got sent to the systems support team and have flounderd ever since. I have no interest, no sense of belonging, every day is an act of will just to get out of bed. The last 5 months have been the worst. I'd like to think I'm reasonably intlligent but this job makes me feel like a useless idiot. Now I've been told my job is in jeopardy and may be let go in 2 months if I prove not to be up to a new assignment. My confidence was low already - this has put it in the bucket. I'm a fake in this job. An impostor. I'd love to get back to training but there aren't many jobs and I have missed 6 years of development in that field so I'm behind.

My IT skills are out of date because of the time in training, and now my training skills are out of date because of the time in support. Ironic, no?

Tomorrow is Monday. I have to go in and pretend I'm confident and I can take on this new project when I know I'm going to make a pig's ear out of it. I can't face it but I have to. If I say I don't feel confident I'll be fired. If I take it on and screw it up, I'll be fired.

I want to leave this place but I need the paycheck.

I should be one of the old wise men at my age (57) but I always feel like the new, stupid rookie. I can't take it much longer.

Help, please....

Jim
Jim-
I am sorry for your position, I can definitely relate to what you are going through. I am not sure when you posted this (forgot to check) but I was hoping you could give us an update on how things are going. I was happily employed for many years until 2008 when the economy fell out and I was left without a job. I was fired from one job, then got another one but I felt enormous stress and pressure because I was scared to death of getting fired again. Being fired had done something to me, gotten in my head, and convinced me I was a horrible worker and not a smart person. Unfortunately I created my own reality from my head, and after nine months at that job, I was fired again. I was devastated. All of my feelings of self doubt, stupidity and worthlessness were confirmed. And the embarrassment that I felt plus what I knew my wife was feeling when our friends found out that "he lost another job". While our friends were settling in to their careers and getting long term benefits and more vacation, I was back to square one at 38 years old and contemplating suicide.

I hope you find some peace and relief from your stress, it is horrible to wake up and dread going to work. Especially when someone has told you your worst fear come to life, and then said basically you have 2 months to overcome it all. Talk about adding stress on top of stress. But just remember the worst thing that can happen is that you lose your job- there are other jobs. Most people who are terminated from their company say the worst part of everything was the week before getting fired, then it was a relief in some sense just to get it over with. I truly think the economy is turning around, and especially in IT you have some marketable skills. Just spend some time each night reading up and studying- if you can just get your foot in the door somewhere else you can then take time to learn. Most jobs give you some training up front in their specific area of need. Good luck to you and keep us posted.

 
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