MZS

Thanks very much for your time in this long post:

Hi, My mother (56 years old house wife) had a relatively mild brain stroke two years ago but went thru a lots of complications after that. She is physically doing better currently (Diabetes, High Blood Pressure etc. is under control) but her thought process has become real slow, she has problems to think and talk properly and is suffering from severe depression.

But I am seeking your help not for my mother, but rather for the rest of her family members. My mother has always been very self-dependent person and hated to rely on others for anything. Whereas, unfortunately some of us now tend to be over caring towards her making it worse.. one of us basically took over everything else she was in charge of to comfort her but failing to see Mom is feeling very helpless and not liking this treatment towards her at all, but the poor thing can't even express herself properly anymore.. instead she keeps quiet, lost her self esteem and dying inside. It's true that she is about five times less physically capable than she used to be but what we collectively need is to facilitate things around her so she can take over her old responsibilities very slowly and feel part of something important. She feels she has no significant role in anything anymore and getting more and more depressed. She needs to have a positive joyful environment around her all the time but some in her family simply do not get it.

One of the largest reason for Mom's depression is, she misses her three daughters tremendously who moved out since last year. Regardless of that, I strongly believe if others who is living or not living with her, could revamp our approach towards her, she can recover much faster. Just to keep it short, I am not giving any examples of how some of us are failing to understand that we just gotta change our attitude, let me tell you this much that we do need psychological consultancy to realize WHY and HOW we need to change. We did talk about these issues internally but the defaulters repeatedly failed to understand they are so wrong due to their egoistic characteristics, stubbornness, arrogance and over smartness. They think they are doing the best for her. So my only hope at this moment is, we go to an outside professional who can point fingers to us so we finally realize how critical it is to change ourselves. I plan to brief that professional well ahead saying I am going to bring over rest of the family so you can convince them about such and such problem. But I'd keep it as a secret to others and just tell them let's seek some external advice for Mom.

I know my problem is weird but please believe me, if it wasn't a very serious matter, I'd not have revealed all these to you. Please help to save my Mom, I am quite worried for her well beings, God forbid but it doesn't seem like she can survive this misery for long. I'd be ever grateful if you please give me any ideas what type of professionals I should go for .. I think a psychiatrists might not be the solution, but a psychologist may be as we just need some advices not treatment.. do you think I am right? If yes, can I find psychologist who offers commercial services? Can you please recommend me some sources to start looking for one.. we leave in Northern Virginia.. I look forward to hearing from you.. thanks a million in advance - Maz