kackyk

Dear Rachel:

My husband stayed in a rehab center for about 2 months before coming home. He hated it there and his doctor suggested that he return home, that he would do better at home....and that's what we did. It wasn't easy. I had help....I am one of the fortunate people who happen to have long term health insurance.

My husband lived in the diningroom on a hospital bed and we used a hoyer lift to get him in and out of the bed. The doctors in the rehab said that he'd never be able to walk unassisted.....Well, in two months he was walking and climbing stairs....We had therapists from Medicare come to our home to help him....occupational and physical therapists....and surprisingly he did very well.

He had his psychological problems....he was jealous of one of the therapists without reason. The doctor prescribed an anti-psychotic for him....He took anti-depressants and pills to help him sleep as well as tranquilizers....These medications helped and eventually he had to give up the Risperdal and Cymbalta...However, he is still difficult to deal with and I have had to learn what sets him off....I have to walk on eggshells! And to understand that he can't help himself. I find that I can't reason with him....He is so easily angered.

It is not an easy situation and I feel for you....It's a big dilemma that you have....If you have no help at home, it may be better to have him stay where he is. If your mom, on the other hand, is strong and healthy and has the time to care for him, well, maybe then it would be okay to bring him home....Your Dad is a big man....well, that makes it all the more difficult.

One thing that I did for my hubby....I would rub his feet every night when he was in the hospital, in the rehab, and even now at home....It helps to relax him and fall asleep. It helped me to feel close to him too....

Rachel, this has not been an easy journey. It's heartbreaking for your dad, for your mom and for you too. But there is hope....I see how much better my husband is now....he was close to death 2 years ago....Certainly, he will never be the way he once was nor will our life ever be what it once was....and that's so hard to accept.

Here's one suggestion....See if you can find a caregiver's group in your community. It helps to talk with other people who are in the same boat. You can get ideas from others too....I joined a group and found that of the women there....all of us from very different backgrounds, we all had one great desire and that is to stay healthy......

Good luck to you....and don't hesitate to contact me.....

Carol