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Hello stroke survivors... family and friends, old and new!

When it came time to look back on the old year, and look forward to the one ahead, I had to be reminded that this year begins my eighth year of recovery from 4 simultaneous strokes.

While the strokes were severe, striking 4 different areas of my brain, it was the accompanying medical conditions directly linked to the strokes that have included themselves into my recovery, whether I wanted to or not.

Those happened to be kidney failure, strokes on my retina's, a heart attack, RLS, apnea, depression, anxiety and hypothyroidism..what a mixture!

One day I was out snorkeling in the ocean, the next I was in the ICU. As with each of us survivors, it is the second that our lives change forever. Mine is in the beginning of it 8th year, and I would like to report that I am still continuing to grow, learn and appreciate all that the strokes have brought into my life. It was not the end of the world, just a new beginning in the one I was in for 43 years until that day.

So, when you hear that recovery can be very slow, look at me..slow as a tortoise. Slow and steady. In fact, I was asleep for at least 20 hours a day for the first year. I fainted and fell down for the second. It was my third year before I could type, and in those days it would take me an hour to construct a simple paragraph. The letters came out in another language, and by the time I went to fix them, I had forgotten what my message was. In my fifth year, I began to drive again but only in my immediate neighborhood.

It might be easier to look back and keep the old me in my sights. It could be tempting to try to return to that old person, but I have forgotten that person, as well as lots of other people, places, and things. The things of true value have never been forgotten, although the words used to describe them might not be easy to retrieve from the old noggin'.

These things are part of the never ending list of scary new things that had replaced my old thoughts. My confidence was shaken to the bone. There was a long time where these things seemed impossible to deal with. After all my doctors didn't even recognize my complaints as a part of stroke recovery. Sound familiar?

I clearly remember sitting in the sun one day realizing that I couldn't even think out a whole thought without it becoming lost in my head. I could not imagine this was something I could ever get back. but I did! I still speak in a gibberish-like personal language. When a word is lost, I immediately fill it in with a nonsensical word. The amazing part is that whatever words I use, my family and friends understand my message. I can type well now, but still cannot speak my mother tongue. We have had some great laughs at some of the words I come up with.

I think this is one stage that we meet lots of people here in. Seeking reassurance that it will get better, but when? Each of us differs there, with endless factors to be considered.

One huge factor in my recovery has been attitude. A positive attitude is infectious and the more you put it out there, the more you will attract back to you. It is a win win situation for everyone involved. It is the one thing we can control, when all else is seems to be lost. We can choose every reaction...and with practice the best reaction for me gets easier and easier to choose.

Another factor would be acceptance. Yes, there is a great need for us to fight hard, be strong, surprise our doctors with progress..BUT, more importantly if we accept ourselves as different people, if we give into the challenges, and focus on recovery..however tiny of a step it may seem. Celebrate each of your tiny accomplishments, as they give you the strength to go after the next one, however tiny.

After all, any damage to the brain is made more amazing when it is self repaired, much of that during sleep. We get to sleep, doctors orders. What a luxury.

I have found that if I have a big day planned a few days down the road, I will pre-rest in advance, I will allow myself a day free of appointments, both before and after. When I become overly tired, I am useless. I have never overcome the fatigue, but much of that could be due to the kidney failure.

I have found out what my daily schedule is, by trial and error. The time of day when I need to be up and energetic is the time between school ends and dinner is over...about 4-5 hours a day when my son is home. I don't try to be anything but a good mom. That is what makes me feel good. That is the most valuable use of my time that will retain it's value for generations to come.

To this day my mother cannot understand why I would need to rest at 9 am, or at any other weird time. It is all about flexibility, accepting what is really important and being happy to be able to do what is most important. Now this is all be quite obvious to any of us, right? All the old "rules" can be thrown out the window to make way for the new lack of rules. When those on the outside cannot understand, we have to choose what is best for us, although we may not be able to explain it, they will catch on.

We can't have any post without credit to this group. It is invaluable to so many of us. I include myself in that. I use this place to do my volunteer work. There is nothing more satisfying than to get a genuine thanks for listening, for understanding. When a "real" job is something I had to give up with the strokes, this is the thing that I gained. This I do in my pajamas, the other in pumps. It's an easy choice to me! Love to all.

Enough about me, what does everyone else have to say ?

Your friend, Janet