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Old 04-16-2011, 11:25 PM   #1
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Question emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

how you all going?
i hope you are all well and happy.
its been little a while since my stroke, around 13 months,(seems like a 100years) i suffered a clot in the brainstem on march 18th 2010, and was paralysed all the way down the rightside. doctors said " if he lives, he probabily won't be able to walk", i thank God, and i am ever so gratefull for the improvements i have been given.
i obtained my driver's licence in dec 2010, which was great. i'm walking and my foot drop has improved a little bit. i think the treadmill has helped improve my gait a great deal.
the arm and hand still improve although very very slowly.
i still have servre numbness, and a certain amount of swelling down the right side,my arm and leg feel like a lead weight, i have not had any improvement in that department at all. nobody has been able to shed any light on that subject.
my aim is to run one day, i am still trying.
after all that, i would like to talk about emotions. i have great problems with controlling them, they are aways changing, i'm up and down like a yo yo. well i'm more down than up. i cry at the drop of hat, there's no reason for me to be sad. crying is reaily getting me down i am hopefull one day i'll wake and my emotions will be as they were before the stroke.
going back to work as a builder is not possiable,: yet. because i do'nt have any balance to speak of, still working on that.
any how thanks for listening to me, and hope every one out there finds peace with in themself.

Last edited by goingtorun; 04-18-2011 at 01:48 AM. Reason: mistake

 
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Old 04-17-2011, 07:13 AM   #2
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

Hi goingtorun,
Your post name is perfect that it is an emotional roll a coaster. Before I go further, I want you to say that there are some many people that understand what you are going through. A stroke feeling is Something that others don't understand that did not have one. That is why it is important to find other stroke survivors to talk to. I think everyone has felt that they are alone after a stroke because you just can't describe it.

I think that you have heard here, but is worth repeating that every stroke is different. For me, my stroke only affected my left side so I really didn't have any physical problems too much like walking. So I can't help you on that side, but I sure can tell you about all of the emotions that go with a stroke that you describe.

When you say that you cry for now reason, I understand. If you want any advice, I will just say for me, I tried to keep from crying at any cost so I would not upset my wife and kids, but I just couldn't help it. So I just decided to let it go and cried and cried and cried everyday for a long time. And I don't understand, but it was like one day I woke up and it was like I was done crying. It seemed for me that the crying was a part of recovery. Like the crying was over, and I felt much better.

You have to admit my friend, that there is a reason to cry. You like my, I suddenly couldn't work anymore and could not even make any decisions about anything. In most family's the man is the one that makes the money, makes the big decisions, does the little things around the house to keep it all going, I was also the cook because I loved to do that and my wife and kids loved my cooking, and it was gone - poof - in an instant, for no reason we could even understand, it was just gone. So if you really think about it, who wouldn't cry???? about that????

But I don't want to tell you that it is all bad, because it is not. You have a dream to run again, and you will. Don't lose faith on that. I know how frustrating this whole stroke business is, but for some reason it all gets better, very, very slowly, but it does get better. I think it is great for you that you are driving again, so that is a big plus and good for you. I hope something here I wrote helps a little.

God Bless,
Tim

 
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Old 04-17-2011, 03:03 PM   #3
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

hi goingtorun, first of all, congrats on driving again and so soon! 13 months is very young in stroke recovery though I know it seems like 100 years. crying is very normal, you are grieving a loss. I'm 18 1/2 years post stroke and still don't drive. the emotional roller coaster will settle down in time though it's slow, the first step is acceptance. I call it my triple A system Asses,Accept, Adapt. once you've accepted your condition you can adapt yourself to it. it's then, that the roller coaster slows down a bit, maybe not completely? there may always be bouts of depression, anger, and anxiety. you just learn to deal with it as it comes, try to stay upbeat.

My stroke affected my entire left side, the heaviness dead weight feelings I've never gotten over myself, sorry I can't help there. though your drop foot has gotten a bit better? there is a surgery here in the U.S.A. that can fix that completely and permanently. it's called a S-P-L-A-T-T surgery I'm not sure what the acronym stands for other than it involves tendon transfers, it is a simple though painfully surgery, only 1 maybe 2 nights in hospital? if you can find a doctor there that does it? I recommend it highly I only wish I'd asked my doctor to raise my foot a few degrees higher than neutral. it probably would've hurt a bit more? though I can now walk unassisted my left toes do drag a small bit unless I really concentrate on bending my foot as far as possible when walking. at least there are no more braces on my foot and it doesn't turn under when walking. and much less pain from it trying to force down when in bed. my foot is so loose now just the weight of the covers on my bed will push it down slightly, not too painful. I'd surely look into it if you can!?

not much more I can help with at this time, though will answer any questions you may have? I do have 18+ years experience.

good luck and god bless

Larry/coupe
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Old 04-20-2011, 07:21 AM   #4
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

So happy you have gotten your license! That was really big for me too, after about 4 years.

The responses from Coupe and Tim really cover the emotional part of stroke, especially coming from men...I can't add much to that.

I would like to offer you my continued support, this is a long drawn out process, as you see. I find that keeping close contact with other stroke survivors makes a good balance when trying to get back to a new life.

Coupes AAA concept is the best thing I have seen for reminding ourselves of the process, and keeping our eyes on the prize, what ever that is for you.

As Tim mentioned, cry if you need to cry. Let out whatever you can, as once you can express these feelings, they free you of the load you are carrying. They will build again, and again, release them.

Love to you and all of our family of stroke survivors...

janet

 
Old 04-21-2011, 05:00 PM   #5
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

Hi Tim, hope you and your family are well.
Its very difficult to put in into words how I feel. I understand every stroke survivor suffers some degree of emotional pain and distress.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, you've touched on a number of senstive points, in regards to a mans role in the family. I feel that I can't function in that role as I use to.
I still have a lot of feelings bottled up inside of me, that I can't bring myself to express.

Every time I post, I recieve so much help and support from You and all the people that reply.

I sincerely hope you keep improving and achive the best possiable recovery.

thank you
George..

ps sorry I take so long to repond .........

Last edited by goingtorun; 04-21-2011 at 05:05 PM. Reason: forgot something

 
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Old 04-21-2011, 07:29 PM   #6
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

George,

I noticed you chose "inspired" as your mood, and that is great. I find times of inspiration as well, and I have learned to try and really enjoy those times when my mood is strong, and I feel the strongest. Of course, all the other emotions seem to get their chance too, so I choose to allow what ever particular feelings I am having, knowing that they will eventually all come around again.. That includes the hard times, when they are upon me, I try to roll with them, until they pass. The path is not smooth, but the good times seem to weave their way through, just in time. When I am feeling my best, watch out! Stop the world, I am doing what ever I want to enjoy it. When I am low, I let it ride as well, but always looking for something to bring me back. Thankfully my family and friends understand this, and let me do my thing.

It seems that all the tools we have taught ourselves to cope as we grew up, are thrown out the window with the strokes. Our emotions no longer have that insulated material we have woven around them during our lives. We are back to the raw emotions you see in children, but with that comes the sweetness of things that we have also covered up. That is where the appreciation and the most important things are free to come through. Our tough cover is exposed.

As men, and as women, we suddenly cannot perform our most typical tasks. I am sure being a man would be tough, as you have so much instinctual desire to be in charge, and capable of so many things.

George, we are really happy you keep coming back, as I have found that this being such a long term thing, that long term support is that much more important...and as long as you are getting help from coming, we are very happy to offer you whatever we can to help.

janet

 
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Old 04-21-2011, 08:23 PM   #7
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

Hi Larry,
Hope you and your loved ones are in good health.

I've taken aboard all the advice you have kindly shared with me. I'm trying to adhere to your tripe A system,the best that I can, but I still have pre-stroke issues to deal with. Maybe with time the these will be easier to deal with, once I have my emotions under control.

Regarding the foot drop, thanks for the information. I'm going keep on trying all the exercises and see how that goes, before, I think about going under the knife. I will
certainly look into this procedure in the future.

I realise this it a very long trip down life's highway, thankfully I have found the most helpfull group of people I could wish for right here.

Larry thank you very much for all the advice, I wish you all the best that life can offer you.

George
Sydney Australia

Last edited by goingtorun; 04-21-2011 at 09:05 PM. Reason: spelling ????????

 
Old 04-21-2011, 09:21 PM   #8
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

G'Day Janet,
hope your having a good day.
It's Good Friday and whether in Sydney is great.

I agree with every thing you say in regrades mood swings, one second I'm up and inspired, then within the bink of a eye, I find myself down again. May be, like you said, once the emotions are in check the moods will follow. The worst time for these up and downs occures at night when trying to sleep, most nights I get about 4 hrs rest.

I still have a number of pre-stroke issues am trying to deal with. I believe some of these issuse may have contributed to my having the stroke, who's to knows. I believe that I was in pretty good shape pre-stroke for a 53 year old.

I'll keep coming back, I may take a while to repond, that is due to me not being able to think of what to say or how to say it.

Janet you have been so kind and helpfull with your advise, believe me. I sincerely hope the future is kind to you and your family.

I hope you have a happy and enjoyable Easter, thank you Janet.

George
Sydney Australia......

 
Old 04-22-2011, 12:52 PM   #9
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

hi George, you said. I agree with every thing you say in regrades mood swings, one second I'm up and inspired, then within the bink of a eye, I find myself down again. May be, like you said, once the emotions are in check the moods will follow. The worst time for these up and downs occures at night when trying to sleep, most nights I get about 4 hrs rest.

I still have a number of pre-stroke issues am trying to deal with. I believe some of these issuse may have contributed to my having the stroke, who's to knows. I believe that I was in pretty good shape pre-stroke"

let me just ell you, "if your issues involve being depressed, having anger, feeling anxious? they're all normal post stroke! just being depressed does not mean you suffer from depression? only that at the time you are depressed. same with anxiety. which all combined can lead to sleep problems. every time I'd mention to my doctor my sleep problems they'd just automatically diagnose depression, though I wasn't overly depressed, only temporarily! it took me about 14 years to find the cure for my sleeplessness. my newest neurologist finally figured out I suffered from PTSD. I found info on PTSD after reading all about it it suit me to a tee. he gave me one new med to take nightly, and I've not had a problem sleeping since. I cant post the link to it here but sent it to Janet. I'm sure she'll agree with me? that you should be tested for it. there are a lot of symtoms and causes you may not be aware of? it's worth the try in my opinion, as it may help you with a lot of your issues?

I inderstand your not wanting to go under the knife for drop foot, but really the surgery is realatively minor, and the pain only lasts about a week. for 15 years I'd tried all the exercises, the Botox shots, the Phenol shots, and every kind of foot brace known to man from the simple AFO to the CAFO and everything in between both rigid and articulating. that have to fit inside your shoe, and having to buy two different sizes of shoes to get a matching pair to just look normal! all to no avail. now I can buy one pair of shoes the same size, my affected left foot stays flat while relaxing or walking. I'm glad I found a doctor who not only does the surgery but also helped in founding it, there are only a handful of surgions in the U.S.A that does it, not sure about the rest of the world?

the main things are to get you content and comfortable, as painfree as possible, and getting your emotions in check gving you controll over your life post stroke. that's my goal for you!

good luck and god bless

beauty is not only in the eyes of the beholder, but also in the hearts of the afflicted!

Larry/coupe
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Old 04-22-2011, 03:02 PM   #10
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

Hi George,
Thank you for your responses. I know how hard it is to write after your stroke. Whether it is physical or emotional or aphasia that I have in my case.... but I am so happy that you feel like you are feeling like some help here. That is really all any of us want to do. I know that your stroke recovery will continue. I will tell you that the when I could not write and read again. I asked my wife "I really fell like I need to find someone that had a stroke. I need to talk to someone that had one." And she looked on line and found this one, because I could not have found it myself. Call it serendipity, but this forum is just so good. I actually feel like my stroke recovery really started here and that was one and a half years ago and I come back everyday since. and have make friends here.

It is still really hard for me to socialize still. We have a couple good friends that stay with us that know I had a stroke and try to understand, but they can't and I don't expect them too. I just feel like a square in a round hole. But we have to go on (us stroke survivors). I usually will come here at the forum and read here when I feel down or stressed. Especially after I have been in a social situation and just talking to people. WheN I come here it is like... someone understantds and I am not crazy after all. Like I said, you can come here and be who you are now and we don't care about spelling and all that crap, because everyone understands. so it was really special that you wrote back to everyone personally. I promise you that we know that probably took a long time to write all of that.

That is why being here is so important for your own sanity. I got my re-typing skills here (though they are still horrible) but I don't know if I would be as far as I am if not for this forum. I also want to say that when I first found this place. i will never forget it that I was looking for some help and said "I am a stroke victim" and Janet in her comforting and understanding way said we are not victims, we are survivors and that just really hit me, all of this time. I also saw you have an "inspired" mood - that is awesome my friend.

God Bless,
Tim

Last edited by Positive Cynic; 04-22-2011 at 03:14 PM.

 
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Old 04-22-2011, 10:11 PM   #11
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

George,

I would also like to thank you for your thoughtful comments to everyone...we all know how hard it is to put all this down. Take any amount of time you need to respond, we understand the effort it takes to create a sentence, much less a few paragraphs. I will never forget my first attempt at posting, it was excruciating. Funny how 3,950 posts have made it much easier.

friends, janet

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Old 04-26-2011, 01:22 PM   #12
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

goingtorun,

I could say that I have answer, but I don't. Sorry! As bad as you feel now, there is always somebody who has it worse.

Crying like you describe is a cardinal symptom of stroke. So many people go through the same exact thing as you that there's bound to be some help out there somewhere.

You, and I both have our Driver's Licenses back, but you also can do one thing that I can't. That's walk. I have been unable to walk for over 8 years. Even if I could, I would probably look as if I just drank 8 cases of beer.

If you can walk, you'll probably be able to run, too. At this point, it's all about making your gait automatic. You don't want have to think about making every step perfectly. Just keep trying. And yes, a treadmill will definitely help that.

Best of luck to you.

Lee

 
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Old 04-27-2011, 01:51 AM   #13
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lmorgan79 View Post
goingtorun,

I could say that I have answer, but I don't. Sorry! As bad as you feel now, there is always somebody who has it worse.

Crying like you describe is a cardinal symptom of stroke. So many people go through the same exact thing as you that there's bound to be some help out there somewhere.

You, and I both have our Driver's Licenses back, but you also can do one thing that I can't. That's walk. I have been unable to walk for over 8 years. Even if I could, I would probably look as if I just drank 8 cases of beer.

If you can walk, you'll probably be able to run, too. At this point, it's all about making your gait automatic. You don't want have to think about making every step perfectly. Just keep trying. And yes, a treadmill will definitely help that.

Best of luck to you.

Lee
G'day Lee,
Thank You for your kind words.I'm sorry you can't walk, I realise that there are many people whom a lot worse than me. I'm constantly reminded of that fact almost daliy. My frist cousin suffered 4 strokes within 2years, 20 years ago. he is constant reminder of how lucky I am.

I'm for ever so gratefull to all the people, that have worked and helped me with all the improvments, I have been blessed with.


I'll keep on working on the treadmill, thank you for support.

All the very best with your recovery.

George

 
Old 05-01-2011, 02:05 PM   #14
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

I experienced a little of the emotions part. There were a couple of times where I laughed almost uncontrollable at things that were not even that funny.

It's actually part of the process for some.

Last edited by moderator2; 05-01-2011 at 02:12 PM. Reason: please do not post a commercial website

 
Old 05-02-2011, 02:09 AM   #15
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Re: emotional roll a coaster after stroke.

Quote:
Originally Posted by max55 View Post
I experienced a little of the emotions part. There were a couple of times where I laughed almost uncontrollable at things that were not even that funny.

It's actually part of the process for some.
HI Max55,
I like to thank you for sharing your experience reguarding uncontrollable laugher.
Sometimes I find myself laughing for 'ever' over nothing in particular. There was a time I could deliver a joke quite well, now I start laughing like crazy half way through, because I know the punch line.
I hope in time all these emotions will settle down in time.
Wishing you all the very best with your recovery.
As a stroke survivor and very good friend, once said to me "the day you give up, is day you stop progressing. You have to keep trying everyday, no matter how small the effort,it still counts".

George

 
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