I understand your feelings here. It took a very long time for me to get disability income. As a matter of fact I could not have done the paperwork and the all the time on the phone to talk to so many different people and agencies, if I didn't have my wife that did it all for me, I would probably be in the streets, seriously.
What I get every month is very very small, but at the same time, I am grateful to have that. As far as I know, if you make any other money they can take your disability away, so it is hard to make a living again. But I know in my heart that I can not work again. I have days that I feel really good and want to conquer the world, but it is not consistent at all. And then I realize that I could not physically do a 40-50 hour week every week all year after year. I think the stress would kill me, literally. When I get stressed (since my stroke) I can't talk and stumble and fumble around and it just gets worse and I get nervous. My field was TV Production so it was very stressful just by its nature, but I liked it and handled it well - just a side note, my stroke had nothing to do with my job that many people think - it was a medical condition.
But I wanted to continue that I understand that you miss the camaraderie from your people at work. I had dozens too that were good friends, but it was like after my stroke, I fell off the place of the earth. There was only one friend that stayed in touch with after my stroke. And hung in there for me, but he stopped calling or emailing after a few months. I don't blame him at all. I just couldn't talk "shop" anymore - I can't keep up with it at all anymore. And I was his boss and he respected me, but he tell me, "hey did hear about the new xxxxxx version of xxxxxx, it does this and that" and all I could ask is "huh, what? what was that again?" He probably thought I couldn't hear anymore or something. But I could not explain to him that it takes me 10 times longer than you to process what you are saying.
Anyway, I don't know it that answered a question you asked. These days, I am just glad I can read and write again and when I do write it is like I write some stream on conscious thing.
So I can't work, but I can tell you that when someone tells me thank you, or I helped someone here, that makes it all worth while. So I feel like I am at work sort of and doing something useful for the world and not just a drain of society, and ripping off the tax payers for the pennies I get every month.
This reply went way different than I wanted, oh, will? Only a stroke survivor would understand it anyway
btw i want to respond about the music thing you asked, but have to regroup.
Last edited by Positive Cynic; 04-19-2011 at 07:20 AM.
I could work, if the workday started at 10:30! It's funny because, when I did work, I thought it would be great to do nothing, and still get paid. Now, that is true, and I want to go back to work. Sometimes I feel like an oxygen thief. But, when I did work, it was from the neck, up. I can still think, so I could work, too.
My old job was 7:59 of pure boredom, and 1 minute of sheer terror, which can induce a personal circuitry overload. Luckily, I am extremely slow to panic, so that's good anyway. I can remain unaffected by most of the detrimental things. Maybe, I can go off in an entirely new direction. American Idol Contestant is out...
The Following User Says Thank You to lmorgan79 For This Useful Post: Positive Cynic (04-19-2011)
I too have wanted so much to work again, but I still have Chad taking care of me! My working hours would have to be from 1pm to 4 pm, three days a week.
Like my good buddy Tim, I have used this forum as my volunteer work. I know I can always come here, in my pajamas sitting in bed with the sun shining down on me. When I get a thank you, it is like a hug.
I have missed a few days this last week, and I feel like I am lost! I typically have every story on the tip of my brain, and I now have lots of catching up to do. There is always a lot to de here...it keeps me busy and happy, and that is enough for me.
hi Lee, according to SSA's website, while on SSDI you can work earning no more than$1000 per month in 2010&2011 in a trial work period of 9 months which doesn't mean 9 months consecutively? before being penalized by your income and retrain all benefits according to what I've read.
I guess/know! I'm a lucky one in all this stroke/SSDI/WC. and working issue. I didn't lose my income, but came out on top in the income issue. when I was working my hourly wage was $36.94 per hour if I remember correctly? due to some very shrewed and competent lawyers, my income actually went up after my stroke. though I'll never get an increase in payment from w/c. when it's all said and done adding up my income from w/c, SSDI/ and payments from my lawsuit annuity. though I'll never earn the $37,00 per hour again! they made sure, I lost half my body and mind? I'll get at least half of my income for the rest of my life of just about $19.00 per hour of every day of every week/year of my life.
I'm unable to do the physical part of my construction foreman's job I did. but I'm able to do the mental part. and have supervised several projects in my 18 1/2 years post stroke without being paid for my services. just to be around something I loved to do. I do still miss going to work every day, but I'm much happier without the hectic schedule of deadlines and such. and no 5 days a week 8 hours a day. I can do what I feel up to doing when I feel up to doing it! I have nobody to answer to but my wife/ my kids sometimes and of course my grandkids ut not often. every day is like a paid vacation day or sick day. I've settled into my routine and I kind of like it!
YES! you can work some while on SSDI. but be aware of all the rules and regulations before you start! too much? and you can and will lose your benefits! sorry I know nothing about how LTD may work? just be careful.
good luck and god bless
happiness is a way of life, not a goal in life, success comes in cans not can'ts
The Following User Says Thank You to coupe For This Useful Post: Positive Cynic (04-22-2011)
This is a very good post. I have to read and re-read it a few times. but i apprecitate what you said, but it can help there is good information here. And thinks I didn't know. That is why we help each other here, very cool. Thanks buddy and god bless,
Thanks so much for all your input. It's hard for me to believe, but the SSA is more clear about their policies than my LTD provider. Since my LTD provider sends most of the $$, they are the ones that I don't want to inadvertantly lose. I don't know what their policies are, but I've asked. No response. Ah well. Maybe I should work for cash!
That is so funny. Now this is weird. I didn't like Fargo at first (pre-stroke) It was after my stroke that me and my wife watched it on demand. And I liked so much that we bought the dvd. And my wife is really a good sport and she didn't mind me watching it over and over. I think we have watched it 15 times together.
Here is the great part. She was born in South Dakota and, so she can talk that accent to a tee. So we can talk throw a quote just for fun some quotes from the movie so we know it so well, and she will do that accent and just makes my laugh.
It is just amazing how our thinking processes change after a stroke. That I didn't like Fargo at first and now it is one of my favorites. It is not for everyone for sure and I would not tell anyone to buy it. But i guess I got the subtle humor in it underneath all of the horrible story of what happened.
So there are so many different things that help everyone to recover from a stroke. I would have never thought a mention about Fargo... but when you said that I had thing about it and realize that was part of me feeling better and talking to me wife about silly things and knowing how to use the remote again, because I had to figure out how to stop and play and pause and ask her questions. It was all in the process I needed to try and get better and re-learn things. There is no easy answer for stroke recovery for sure, but talking always helps.
I've found that laughing helps heal, too. Most of my favorite movies are funny (Caddyshack, Animal House, etc).
I will watch just about anything with William H. Macy in it. He can really act. Another good actor, that most people don't usually consider is Ray Liotta. He evokes immediate scorn, or sympathy. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's his mouth. I don't know.
In the movie Fargo, it is mostly white (snow, fog, etc.). There are very few outdoor scenes that have any real color in them. I would put Fargo definitely in my top 10 movies of all time.
Since my stroke, I find it almost too easy to lapse into a habit. I put my left hand in my pocket when ascending/descending the stairs. I always lead with my good foot when going up the stairs, and my bad foot when going down. The list goes on, and on. I have no idea why it would be easier now, but it is.