Here's something that worked for me. It may help you in your daily life, so I pass it along.
I always got criticized for being a creature of habit. People thought I was in a bit of a rut because I always do things exactly the same way. But, I am that way for a good reason.
I do things exactly the same way every time, until they become second nature. I do it that way because if I forget to do something, and leave it out, I know immediately. My cognitive skills are not the same as they used to be, so I have to develop "tricks" to compensate for that. I find that even if I am thinking about something else, I become so absorbed in it, that I tend to just gloss over what I am presently doing, and forget what has to be done. Habits help prevent that.
That makes a lot of sense. I need to capture that idea in many more areas of my life, to make things easier. I have always been quite the opposite !
Since I was a child of a military family, I think I naturally eased my way away from perfect order, to the edge of chaos. Instead of filling my kitchen cabinets with cook wear, I filled them with art supplies. Instead of comfy furniture, I put everything on wheels. I lived the life of a full time artist, surrounded by paint brushes, projects, solvents and creations.
It turns out that the 30+ years living that way lead to my strokes and eventual kidney failure. In those days, we did not have the understanding of the effects of all these things never used with respirators, or proper ventilation.
When the day came that I had to go home, my house was scary to me. It was as if the circus had come through and left, leaving things just as they were...It has literally taken me years to take my house back over and turn it into more of a regular home than a wild art studio. To this day, all my walls are covered in murals, and weird (but wonderful) projects that are a million miles away from the new me.
Your idea is a great one for me Lee, as I will pick a thing or two and make habits out of them and report back on my progress..
This may sound strange, but one of the places I use that "theory" the most, is in the shower. I am always thinking of other things, instead of washing this, or that. Using the Habit approach helps me make sure I cover everything (so to speak).
Funny, that my first thought of something I do that is based on habit would have to be in my bathroom too! Since it is the smallest room in the house, I think is a good place to start.
I recently had my original 1958 bathroom completely re-done, as well as a beautiful paint job on my bedroom, covering my old paintings and murals...very simply, with a pedestal sink and cool blue/green slate. I love it so much, that I have made myself a habit of keeping it perfectly so...with the towels hung and the t.p. roll over the top. That is my start to making a good habit, and with your inspiration, I am going to take a small step out of the bathroom and beyond!
I think I may have taken it too far. I am uncomfortble with anything new/different. I know it is holding me back from integrating back into the community. yesterday we came north for the long weekend. Andrew had to do alll the filling of the car (including me) and I had suggested that I get my hair trimmed en route. I started stressing30-45 mins before we got there. And the shop was busy and noisy while i waited my turn. Then I had to make polite conversation with the stylist while she trimmed and snipped. Couldn't wait to get out and back to the car. I did it but not easily.
Hello Nancy
wonderful to see you again. You are not in a "rut". Lee's is exactly correct. We have to do these same things everyday for our own sanity and it is hard to know that someone that didn't have a stroke. You really can't "go in the moment" and just run and do something, that was how I was for sure. I will give you an example and this was just the morning. My wife wanted to go to breakfast to an new restaurnt. just get some coffee and some eggs or something. but she realized it was not comfortable for me and we let it go. I cooked her breakfast instead. I hate that but that is our life now. so for you don't feel guilty or anything about your stroke. The stroke made your feels thinks different. It is not a bad thing. But it is really hard for a couple to go throuhg this. But Andrew loves you, I know he does. So just tell him that you think the world differnt now. it is hard for both of you. but you have to tell him it is not "what is used to be" but you will get through this but it takes a long time.
I actually told my wife Anita that I can't go to South Dakota to see her family for July 4 and we always have done that for years and is always fun. But I told her I cannot take so many people around anymore and that is what it would be for a week. But she understood and is going alone, but that kills me. She has to go, it is tradition .But that is what is going on. I love her parents as my own. so it wasn't a thing like..... I don't like them and don't want to go..........she knows I love her dad and mom to death. but i can't be around like 20 people for a week every day and night and partying and I was the biggest partier that there was... trust me on that one... but I am different since my stroke.
So what I am saying is that don't feel guilty about your feelings. You have to let Andrew understand that life is different now. You have differnt thoughts now than before the stroke. So you both have to re-adjust. and it is so.so hard. but he loves you. just tell him that you love him and feel different after the stroke and it is not a bad thing and you and Andrew can go forward for whatever life comes to you.
God Bless,
tim
Last edited by Positive Cynic; 05-21-2011 at 09:07 AM.
You say you're a big partier. Well, here's something that I did waaaaay back in college. We were at a party, when we felt the burning desire to make lots of easy money. So, I took off my baseball hat, turned it over, then made the rounds around the party. I announced, to everyone I met, that we were running out of beer, and I was taking up a collection for more. When the party goers filled that hat with cash, I promptly got up and left, never to return.
I am not proud of that, but college kids are poor, and I didn't know anybody. Oh well...
This is what I was told in school,
the library is on the left side. of the building. The right side of the building is where the footballers play. By the way.... You got an F. On your finals. And by the way why are you happy? Happy is not correct. You have to think the way i say. That is why you got flunked. think about it really. get it? the left and right? it is stroke humor.left and right. left and right.
love you all.
tim
Last edited by Positive Cynic; 05-21-2011 at 12:58 PM.
