Originally Posted by Alone in Vegas
Hi Casey (and all),
I just feel as though I'm standing in a crowded stadium bleeding and screaming and every one just walks pass.. I only feel normal laying down... and the thing is... its not that I'm feeling bad, just tired ALLLLLLLLLL the time... and some weird thing with my right hand and arm... supposedly the normal side, but it hurts like I something is wrong with the bone and my hand feels weird. If I didn't know better I'd say arthritis... I just woke up one day and it hurt.... it hurts worse with cold...
I'm glad to be alive, but I HATE THIS... and the worse part is pretending that all is okay so not to upset my mother (she's in Chicago)...
It's perfectly normal to feel tired all the time after a stroke. Still, I think you need to get yourself over to your doctor and let him/her know how you're feeling. Maybe you need some different/new meds? Even though my numbers weren't bad, my doc put me on Lipitor after my strokes and I'll tell you, that stuff almost killed me. Sheesh. I can't tell you how miserable it made me feel (not to mention the unmentionable FLATULENCE!!!). Seriously I switched to Crestor (also has side effects but not nearly as bad) and I was like a new person.
Maybe you're using the good hand in different ways to compensate for the weaker hand...again, maybe the doctor will tell you. And if it's any small consolation, I too am much more sensitive to cold now than I was before.
I also know what you mean about HATING THIS. I am not one of those people who says that they have become a better person after stroke or anything like that. Honestly, I'm still hunting for the new improved Casey. I haven't found her yet! But since time only goes one way, this current Casey (me today) is all I've got to work with.
You know, I'm super tough on myself...I have to be...and so while I do understand your feelings of isolation I think you are doing yourself a kind of disservice if you give in to those feelings 100%. I am lucky in a weird way, I have two crazy busy jobs but my second job is as House Manager at a theater and so I am forced to see people and be social. Even if I mis-speak or forget names I have to be out of my shell.
Just think about this for a moment or two...you are no different than the girl who moved to Las Vegas to start over a few months ago, you just had a rock in the road. You've come really far in 2 short months (The bathroom portion is HUGE, I know!!!!) and you will continue to make progress.
I know it's hard but I think you can stop being so afraid that another stroke has your name on it. My Casey philosophy that has gotten me through the hardest of times is that I give myself 10 minutes a day to feel sorry for myself. During that time, I can cry, scream, curse, whatever. I can take it in increments or all at once. Once it's over, though...it's over for the day. Then I have to focus on the positive.
Maybe that will work for you too? You can worry for ten minutes a day (or give yourself a time) and then force yourself to stop worrying.
I think you're plenty tough. You moved to Las Vegas on your own, you're back to work, you're trying to keep up appearances so you don't worry your mom...all those things point to someone who has what my dad would have called "moxie".
Yeah, the stroke was a major, major setback...but Rosalind, you can start your life over again. I am hoping you can take a deep breath and try it one day at a time.
I hope you start to feel better soon. And please remember that you're not alone.