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Old 06-29-2011, 06:32 AM   #1
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Emergency Call Buttons

I need some advice. My husband has been home for a month from rehab. He is in a wheelchair and gets around the house okay. I had to change jobs and am working full time every day, so at the doctor's suggestion I got him an emergency LifeAlert system so that in case he falls or has another stroke he can reach someone.

I just found out he has been lying to me all this time and he doesn't wear the button around his neck at all when I'm not home. I really don't see what the big deal is about having this button handy. It should be a good thing right? He is telling me I should get rid of it.

Does anyone have any guidance for me? The doctors say he has to have it if he's going to be alone all day. He says he doesnt' want it. What do I do and how do I do it without being a nag?

 
Old 06-29-2011, 07:08 AM   #2
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Re: Emergency Call Buttons

tell him it's "doctors orders", and the doctor said if he doesn't wear it he has to go into a nursing home where they can watch him.....
also i believe you're locked into a contract with that....we looked into that recently for my mom and decided against it
tell him you're paying for it regardless, he might as well wear it.....

 
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Old 06-29-2011, 01:52 PM   #3
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Re: Emergency Call Buttons

Buddy,
I'm sorry your hubby is being so stubborn with you about this. I will give my 2 cents on the subject. I can't remember if you told us his age or not, but I am guessing that he is not elderly (50 ish or 60)? I believe that he is in denial about his condition. There are so many myths about strokes and most people think they are true. The biggest myth is that strokes only happen to people 75 and older - you know - those really old people with their first foot in the grave It is hard enough that his life has changed around in an instant with no warning, now I am sure he has these visions of himself as one of those "old people" and doesn't want to be that way. Though he is not, because it is a myth that only the elderly have strokes. I have seen dozens of survivors here from the 20's, 30's and 40's that have had strokes. It is really amazing.

In addition the LifeAlert commercials don't help. They always show an 80 year old woman that looks hopeless even before she falls. I imagine that your hubby feels like by wearing that thing, he is admitting that he is a hopeless old man, and he doesn't want to think that. Even though he isn't a hopeless old man, I know that the myths and the commercials seem to get hammered on in our society and those things get in our subconscious and become true to us.

I know that the first few months after a stroke are the hardest. First you are confused anyway from the stroke. But you have all of these inner battles you have fight within your self. But I bet he won't wear that LifeAlert because he feels he is admitting to you and himself that he is an old man and his life is over. Obviously I don't know what he is feeling, but I have been exactly where he is right now though, so I think it may be a 70% good guess. I don't know how what I said will make him wear that thing, but maybe that info can give you some creative thinking to coax him into it. His is not an old man, he is not hopeless, and his life is not over.

God Bless,
Tim

 
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:06 PM   #4
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Re: Emergency Call Buttons

That makes sense. He is only 58. And I do think he is denial most of the time even though the stroke was in March. I think that's part of the problem with him being home alone - it allows him to sit and pretend nothing is wrong all day. He is still having physical therapy at the house a few days a week. I almost wish they would switch him to outpatient at the facility instead so he was exposed to others more.

 
Old 06-29-2011, 08:03 PM   #5
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Re: Emergency Call Buttons

when I first got out of rehab and my wife went back to work. we got a medi-phone with the pendant. honestly I didn't wear it all the time either. I got an extra pendant and used Velcro to keep one on my wheelchair and one on my cane. the phone was an automatic speaker phone that picked up my voice from 50 feet away, it self dialed 5 or 6 pre programmed numbers before dialing 911. maybe you can look into that? it plugged right into existing phone line.

hoping this helps?

Larry/coupe
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Old 06-30-2011, 04:57 AM   #6
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Re: Emergency Call Buttons

G’Day Mebbuddy,
I suffered a brainstem clot on the 18th march 2010, I was 53 years old. I was in rehab for 10 weeks before I was allowed home. Whilst in rehab I found myself amongst people who were a lot older than me, all beautiful people that were friendly towards me and I enjoyed their company.

All the time I spent in rehab, first as an inpatient, and then as an outpatient {for almost a year}, I constantly thought I’m too young for this to happen to me, I’m not an old man.
I was fit and had no real health problems.

My wife had to go back to work after 27years of being a stay at home mum. She was unable to back to teaching, because her degree had to be upgraded. So she took a job at a child care centre. I was back at home but every thing had changed, I no longer was able to function as I used too. The father and husband role, as I knew it, no longer existed.

I was depressed most of the time, all day and night thinking of ways to be less of a weight around everyone’s neck, maybe I was an old man after all. Mind you NO one complained or made me feel unwanted; it was all in my head.
When ever it was suggested that someone stay at home with me, I take offence and tell them I was perfectly all right by myself.

What I’m leading to is that, Tim’s suggestion of Him not wanting to feel old, I think is true.
I think he is trying to be independent and less of a burden to everyone.
When my wife wanted me to do something in particular, she some how convinced me it as my idea to start with. She’d say to me “what do reckon of this or that “and she make like it was my idea to begin with.

I hope I was able to help and your husband continues to improve.
All the very best to you all, and remember to look after yourself.

GEORGE

 
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Old 06-30-2011, 05:50 AM   #7
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Re: Emergency Call Buttons

I think you are right and that is exactly what is going on with my husband. Thanks so much to everyone for your help. I think I know how to approach it now.

 
Old 06-30-2011, 01:25 PM   #8
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Re: Emergency Call Buttons

Hello
I am so sorry what you and your husband are going through. I can sooooo relate to how he feels about the button. When I first had my stroke the wheel chair, walker and cane were like huge flashing signs that said Hey look here Old Person, Stroke Victum. Oh I hated them and anything that held any kind of message or reminder of what I was going through. I even went to the extent of telling my husband I didnt need the walker when we went out and then I almost pulled his arm off trying to get from one place to another. The day he stopped to rent a wheel chair I thought I would die, right there in the front seat of the car. And when they loaded it I thought that was it Im done. So so much emotion. So much we have to get use to and accept and adapt to. I feel for him I really do. However in saying that I know safety and your peace of mind need to be addressed. I agree with the idea of telling him the alternatives. That should rattle him enough to want the button. Tell him it is his first steps back to independence. If he wasnt getting well you wouldnt be able to leave him with just the button. I know its easier said then done. Once he understands your perspective and why you need him to wear it and look at it like a positive step in the direction of independence, maybe it will be easier for him to accept. Good luck
God Bless
Mulchie

 
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